Who Taught You About Respect?

We each had someone in our life that very clearly taught us things that we will always remember. My father taught me about respect. It was important to him. Although he sometimes had a funny way of showing his respect to others, (he was not always respectful) we were taught how to respect him. I guess you could say that he taught me what to do and what not to do by his actions.

My father showed us to respect our elders, the things in our home, or the things that we owned and how we should take care of them. In his own way, he maybe made me into a bit of a perfectionist. Since I grew up poor, I did not have many things that many others had. The things I did have I cherished, and took excellent care of them. That has carried through my life to my home, and those comfort items I own today. I think there were multiple people in my life that taught me about having respect for myself. You can tell this by how you react to the way others treat you.

Sometimes I think when another individual is not respectful, it actually starts with them not respecting themselves. Each encounter we have with someone else is a learning experience, and teaches us how we can be better individuals, and how we can treat others better. Whether it is a work situation, or something with a family or friend. Each time you are direct, clear, and say what you need to, it helps for that next time when you might need to speak up and stand up for yourself or another person.

Due to the fact that respect was ingrained into my thinking at a young age, this initiative by “Futures without Violence” resonated with me. It is called: “The Respect Challenge” and asks for individuals to contribute to the question: Who taught you Respect? You will want to check out this video, and I encourage you to submit your answer to their question.

Who taught you about respect? Are you a parent, aunt, uncle, or teacher that is teaching someone about respect?

Did You Know That You Matter?

Do you ever have those days when you wonder if what you do matters? That you matter? I recently read a good Daily Om article that was a good reminder that each of us matters.

There are so many areas in our personal and work lives that are perfect opportunities for helping others remember that they matter. Internal communications within an organization is a great way to utilize messaging to remind employees that what they do matters. It is an opportunity to share vision, team success, gratitude, and push employees to look to the future, grow, and challenge themselves. Managers have the opportunity to find ways to show their employees that they matter. Whether they manage a fast food restaurant, a department store, or a large corporation, managers have an opportunity to coach, guide, and find different ways to help employees feel valued for the work they are doing to drive the company in a forward direction.

In your personal life, do you go out of your way to tell your spouse or partner that you are grateful for them? Do you know if it means more to them when they hear your words of affirmation? Some of us have more confidence than others, and some of us are refueled by the words of those that love us the most. It is always something I try to keep in my thought, that just because someone I know and love is confident, it does not mean that individual does not need reminders of my gratitude for them and their place in my life. I love this quote from the Daily Om article:

“Our very existence affects countless people in countless ways. And because we are each essentially a microcosm of the larger universe, our internal experiences affect the whole of life more than we could ever imagine.”

If you do anything today, tell someone at work or in your personal life that they matter. Be sure to be genuine about it. Find something in the other person that you are truly grateful for, and tell them. You never know what your words can do to change and add life to someone’s day.

You matter.

How My Government Helped Me

So I really dislike talking about politics. Not because I am not passionate about them, but more because I do not like alienating others through my beliefs. I prefer to discuss topics that can bring folks together, and I find that often with politics people have a very extreme opinion and are not always open to listening, hearing differing opinions, or even learning about a different viewpoint. So if I feel the conversation is negative, aggressive, and just not fun, I often make a choice to shut my mouth or walk away.

Last night, however, we were watching the Democratic National Convention. Bill Clinton somehow moved some emotions inside of me. I got teary at one moment and it made me go back to my childhood.

I grew up poor in the Midwest. My father was a contractor, and self-employed. My mother was a teacher (and had a master’s degree). From what I can remember my parents were Republicans. Most likely because of my father. He believed in as little government as possible. He almost was to the edge of conspiracy theory, and always felt someone was watching his every move. Back then when you paid for purchases with checks (when you actually had to have the money in the bank to pay for your purchases) the cashier would often ask for his social security number or driver’s license number. My dad would get aggressive and revolt telling the cashier those numbers were not their business. Sometimes walking out of the store without his purchase. I do not necessarily disagree with his logic. I am hardcore about the security of my personal information, have gone through identify theft (not an easy thing to fix), and am just overall very careful, as many are about their personal information. I am just not hardcore for the same reasons as my father.

I digress. I did not really want to talk about security or my father’s fear of big government. I really wanted to share my appreciation and nostalgia for what my country has done for me. Mind you I am not very old. My mother became ill and bedridden when I was 12. My parents were just divorced. My father was not paying for child support, and due to my mom’s condition we would have not survived without the support of government social service programs. My mom was not what many think of someone on government support. She was not a drug addict, or uneducated. She was not in any way trying to live off the system. She had one child that had turned 18 and left for college, one that was 12, and another that was 16. She had no income, and health care costs that continued to increase as her condition worsened.

You might ask: “Why are you grateful for all that depressing stuff, Tami?” I am not grateful to have been in that situation. What brings tears to my eyes is that we were given aid. We were given a specific dollar amount of food stamps each month. Our house had been foreclosed on, and we were able to move into government housing (as gross and depressing as it was, we were not living on the street). My mom’s medical costs were mostly covered by Medicaid. Since my mom had two children under the age of 18, she was given a small stipend (Aid for Dependent Children) for living expenses, which mostly covered the rent for the government housing. It was not fun. It was not ideal. However, looking back we could have been living on the street or at a shelter, yet we were taken care of by our government. Yes, you could say my parents paid into it with the taxes they paid over the years, and this is true. Yet, it could have been different.

What concerns me the most is if these types of programs are pulled! What other families might be in a similar situation and for whatever reason are not granted help? What if Medicaid goes away, or food stamps, or other government assistance programs? I cannot imagine how my life would have turned out without the assistance we received. Yes, there are more details to the story. My mom eventually passed on. I eventually turned 18. Life moved forward.

I hope that in the realm of politics, we can move forward as a country. We can remove the hatred between political parties. We can move towards change. We need to continue to take care of our neighbors, regardless of race, income, sex, or religion. I hope regardless of political passions, that we embrace the programs that support those going through a hardship. If we can just get away from the mentality of more, more, more and take care of each other. If we can do that, we will be as fierce and strong as ever.

Your Intuition. Your Inner Voice.

I subscribe to Oprah’s emails. Sometimes I like what I read, other times I could care less. One of the quotes I read in a recent Oprah email lead me to make a post-it of the quote and I even wrote the date of when it was included in her email:

August 22, 2012

“Somewhere in there, among the worries, questions, advice and advertising jingles, lives your intuition, your true ‘inner voice.’ You can hear it to the extent that you give it your attention.”

—  Martha Beck

I love this. So often we become caught up in life’s responsibilities that we forget to listen. We get so caught up in hearing all the other voices, that we do not listen to the voice we should be attuned to hearing. Our own voice. The better we get at shutting the door to all the crap, the voices that tell us we are not good enough, not strong enough, not smart enough, the better we get at hearing the calm. The confidence that says you are doing a good job. You are enough. You matter. You got to where you are today for a reason. You impressed someone. Maybe that was by your true employable skills, or maybe it was your attitude. Be it confident, or cocky, or energetic, or positive… Someone saw something in you that made them want you to stick around.

Are you listening to your inner voice? Is it telling you that you are in the very right place this moment? Does it tell you that you are happy? That you have all you need right now? Most likely you do have everything you need. Often it seems that in keeping up with the Jones’, we push so hard to be and have something we are not or do not need. We accumulate clutter and crap that only adds to our worries. Do we need it? Were we fine without it?

How much do you give your inner voice attention? How often do you listen to that voice? The one that tells you that you are full, but you still proceed to eat and stuff yourself (because it is so good, right)? Do you often sway to the side of what you want, when that voice inside tells you otherwise?

I am a big proponent of listening to intuition. If I cannot feel clear about an answer, or I do not hear my inner voice speaking to me, then I wait. Yes. I wait. It probably drives my husband bonkers, but it is what I have to do to be me. I have learned that if I wait when I am not clear, something usually happens that makes my decision for me. Sometimes it is more information than I had in the beginning, or other times a situation happens that sheds light (some might call it a sign) on what steps I need to take.

How do you know if you are listening to your inner voice?

Goodbye Photoshop, Hello Reality!

My senior year in college I did an independent class with my friend, Whitney. We developed the curriculum for our studies that quarter. The focus: The Objectification of Women in Media. We wanted to research, learn, and dig deep about what women and girls were really looking out when they looked at women in the media. Our main focus was on advertising – specifically in magazines. Jean Kilbourne was an author and filmmaker we followed; I definitely recommend reviewing her work. We went to a woman’s conference where she spoke. We did interviews, peer groups, and sessions with freshman women. We lived and breathed advertising and we learned a lot. To this day I cannot look at an ad without picking it apart.

Which is why I love this change.org petition to Teen Vogue (why is there even a Teen Vogue?) to show their models in their real form without Photoshop. They had already petitioned Seventeen magazine with this result:

“We’re really excited, because Seventeen didn’t just promise one un-photoshopped spread a month, they went even further by promising not to change the faces or body size of their models, to listen to readers’ feedback and to celebrate beauty in all of its diverse shapes, sizes and colors.”

Rock On! I love that women and girls are starting these petitions. We should live in a world that celebrates women for their real beauty. For what they look like when they wake up in the morning. For living and being proud of our curves, flaws, and differences. By having magazines print photos with models in unrealistic ways, it makes girls and women think that they will never achieve that level of beauty. The fact is they will never achieve it, because many times it is not possible. Even for the model in the photo.

We need to advertise, publish, and present images of reality. The good, the bad, and the flawed. We are all perfect just the way we are!