Christmas

Hallelujah

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December has gone fast this year. It baffles me that Christmas is tomorrow. I have done everything I can to not step foot in any store, and do whatever shopping I can online this year. Is it sad that Christmas has in some ways made me want to stay away from people? That this holiday now makes me cringe? Our credit cards have made us greedy, stressed out, and potentially the true meaning of Christmas is lost in bags, receipts, and frustrated shoppers.

Somehow during the weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas, it is music that makes me grounded. I am usually one to quickly run out of the store, or change the radio station when a Christmas song is played before Thanksgiving. Yet, it is Christmas music that takes the Scrooge out of me. It is one of the few things that gives me a nostalgic feeling about Christmas, and reminds me of my father and his avid love for Christmas. I wish I knew what made him enjoy it so much. He loved decorating the house for Christmas, with lights, wreaths, our tree, and other Santa figurines around the house. Was he trying to compensate for Christmas’ he might not have enjoyed as a child? Or was he recreating his own memories?

Chris and I have leaned towards Christmas being a quiet day together, and potentially further towards “just another day in our life.” We lean towards a simpler life. Why has it come to that for us? We usually do not trade gifts, and this year we never got around to putting up the Christmas tree. Sometimes we decide to find a gift together for our home that we can share with each other. We always lean towards doing nothing rather than doing something just to fill a need to give a gift.

So what makes me nostalgic again this year for Christmas past? Music. I have always loved the Leonard Cohen song: Hallelujah, and my favorite is the Jeff Buckley version. Over the weekend, I came across this “Cloverton” version of “A Hallelujah Christmas.” I especially love the beginning with just the piano and vocals. For some reason I feel it in my bones. It makes me think about past Christmas’ with my parents. I wanted to share and, if you celebrate, wish you a wonderful Christmas. Cherish this special time with your family and friends.

Scrooge + Piano Guys transform

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The holidays are really not my thing. Maybe it is a by-product of growing up so quickly. From the age of twelve, holidays only just sort of happened in my family. My parents were divorced, and my mom was sick, so whatever happened, happened.

Due to the fact that most years Thanksgiving and Christmas either barely happened or did not happen at all, I have a bit of a Scrooge mentality about the holidays. Yet. Yes, there is a yet. Every once in a while I will hear a song and it will hit me hard. Tears will pool in my eyes and I will be infected by the music, the emotion, and the moment. So when I found this video by “The Piano Guys” I was impressed, and had to share it with you.

Hopefully for any of you that feel Scrooge come out at any point in the next few weeks, you will come back to this video. I think you will be impressed, it will calm the Scrooge in you, and for those of you that love Christmas, you will just smile and get in the groove.

Warning: This may make you cry.

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Yes, it brought tears to my eyes. And, yes, I have mentioned before that I do not cry often, but sometimes the little things bring tears to my eyes. It is usually when I am moved by something unusual. I do not often think about regrets from my life, but there is one thing that I think about usually every Christmas. It is a random item, but it is something I wish I still had. Each year around Christmas we would make different Christmas cookies and treats to have leading up to Christmas Day. Some we would give to other friends and families as gifts and some were for us. Whatever was still left on Christmas Eve I would leave out for Santa with a glass of egg nog and write him a letter.

While I cannot remember how old I was, or when it happened, eventually I knew that my dad ate the cookies and drank the egg nog. See, my dad had atrocious handwriting. Which is why I did not have to be Encyclopedia Brown to figure out it was him. You are probably wondering where I am going with this story. Well, the few years after my mom passed on, my dad was going through some rough times and we were not in close touch. While going through my mom’s things and knowing we had to get rid of as much as possible or pay to store it, I got rid of those letters. Partly because of space and partly because my dad and I were not so close at the time.

Throughout high school and college, and when I was away during summers I never got letters from my dad. These letters from Santa could potentially tell me a bit about my dad and what ideals, inspiration, and thoughts he wanted to share with me through the voice of Santa. They are gone. So when I saw this video for Extra gum, the tears came to my eyes. The gum wrapper origami birds would have been my letters from Santa.

Any tears? If so, call your dad, or your mom, or whoever you thought about while watching. That very person who made you feel loved.

Should you tell your kids?

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I ponder questions about my future as a mom. I often wonder with my tendency to be blunt all the time, will I decide to tell my kids that there is a Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny, or Santa Claus? What is the right thing to do? On one hand there is fantasy and fun surrounding these mythical stories, but what does it teach kids if they learn that we have been lying to them all these years?

I suppose from a tier of importance, Santa Claus has the most weight. If he is capable of bringing every child around the world a gift all in one night, while riding a sleigh, and going down any houses with chimneys, well that is not a loaded lie! Oh, and about the chimney, the man is fat. And, he has a reindeer with a red light at the end of his nose. How many lies has that added up? 5 so far. I am sure if we really looked at the story, we could count many more.

The Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy carry much less weight from the lie factory. For Easter, the bunny hides eggs. That does not seem so far-fetched. Bunnies dig holes, it could be possible. Was the Easter Bunny a boy or a girl? I am not sure I ever learned where the Easter Bunny comes from, and I do not think I learned how the Easter Bunny was connected to the resurrection of Jesus. Probably did not matter, because all I remembered about Easter was wearing a hideous “Easter” dress from my grandma, going to church, having brunch, and finding our easter basket. A regular Sunday, except for more candy, and a poopy Sunday dress.

Now the Tooth Fairy. I assumed the Tooth Fairy was a girl, probably out of the process of elimination that a fairy was never a boy when I was a kid. I had a hand-me-down tooth pillow, that I put under my pillow when I lost my tooth. I never found it odd that the Tooth Fairy had to lift my head to get the pillow, remove the tooth, and leave my half-dollar, all without my waking up. I have heard very different accounts of what friends received for a tooth, but we got 50 cents in the fancy form of a half-dollar. Calculating that I have 28 teeth, not counting the four wisdom teeth pulled a few years ago (I know everyone might have different amounts), that equals $14 on me. Of the three fictional characters I would say the Tooth Fairy wins. Over the course of a few years of my life, they only spent $14. If there is only one Tooth Fairy, then how come other kids received $20 a tooth (about $560 total). Does the Tooth Fairy play favorites?

I digress. I started this blog to discuss whether to lie to my future children or not. The verdict is still out. I know I sound like a heartless future mom, but I have strong beliefs about not lying to my children. I wonder if I can find a way to go along with the charade, while also telling them the truth. Tell them it is make believe and we can play along together.

What do you think?

Childhood, Nightgowns, and JCPenney’s

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Over the weekend, I finished reading: “Still Points North” by Leigh Newman. A memoir about Newman’s Alaskan childhood. When I read this line, my mind wandered to my own childhood, my grandma, and JCPenney’s:

“Only then do I realize about her nightgown. It’s bunched around her chest, almost to her neck–a classic Nana bed garment; creamy JCPenney satin with a froth of French lace at the neck. She has drawers and drawers of them; they’re her trademark, along with the kimonos and martinis and hot-silver hair.” page 202

I do not know how many of you grew up with a JCPenney’s in your town. When I was young it was always exciting when the JCPenney’s Christmas catalog came in the mail, where you could go through pages and pages of toys and see what you might want to add to your Christmas list. Looking back though, I am not sure I ever really received anything from the catalog, but I guess it was always the dream of it.

What I remember most about JCPenney’s was my grandma and her nightgowns. She always wore a specific kind. It was silky soft, and usually was a subtle pink or blue. Nothing too exciting, but she always purchased them at JCPenney’s. It is funny as I look back how consistent my grandma was, how even, and routined she lived her life. I see a lot of that in me, and yet, I also like to try new things. Sometimes because of the adventure, and sometimes I do not have a choice. You know what it is like when your favorite t-shirt is no longer made or the company makes it but not out of the same fabric? So you have to move on and try something new. Sometimes the new version you find is actually better than what you were stuck to, and other times you never find a backfill that will ever compare.

My grandma would also wear these atrocious cotton robes. Although, she called them housecoats. They were hideous. I would never have wanted to be caught wearing one. The cotton felt harsh on your skin, but it was what she wanted. She would get up in the morning put the housecoat over her nightgown then put on her slippers and often wore that outfit for a good part of the day. Until she decided it was time to put clothes on, or because she was leaving the house.

Each time Chris and I would visit her, we would make sure to make a trip to JCPenney’s to pick up a new nightgown and housecoat for her. I knew I could never buy them anywhere else as she would not wear them. It would either sit in her drawer, or she would berate me to return it right away. Even when she was in the last few months and weeks of her life, Chris and I made the trip to JCPenney’s to see what we could find for her.

I have been to a JCPenney’s once or twice since my grandma died, but not for my usual grandma sleepwear purchase. Chris and I found that they have a great blinds section. Even so, anytime I see a JCPenney’s ad I think of my grandma and her nightgowns.