Motherhood: Yes or No?

I recently turned 34. My mom was 34 when she had me. I was the third child, so she had three children by the time she was the age I currently am. I do not have any kids, but I am exploring what it would be like to have kids. I always hear from others, that you never feel ready, and it is the most wonderful thing that can happen to you. A few individuals have said bluntly, do not have kids. I appreciate the honesty of both viewpoints.

There are days when I just cannot imagine being a mom. The hard days when I am not feeling well, or I am extremely grumpy, the days when I cannot even imagine getting up early, getting all that I need to get done, in addition to caring for a little one. Chris and I decided we would wait for five years after we were married to start having kids, and it has been nine years now. So we are a little behind schedule, and neither of us seem to be scrambling to get started. We like our life the way it is right now. We like to sleep in, and go out to breakfast each weekend. I like to have my “me” time. Call it selfish, but we decided early on that this was to be my selfish time. I spent much of my life taking care of someone in my family, and I needed a break. My biggest concern with not starting now (or soon) is that it might become harder and harder to have kids the older I get.

On the other side, I love babies, and little ones. I can be completely in go, go, go mode and get down on the floor and play with a little one and forget all that was going on and everything I had to do. Hand me a baby and it will be hard for me to give it back. Their smiles, drool, funny expressions, their smell (well the good, fresh ones). I love the hugs, or the “I love you Aunt Tami”, the laughter, and just how easy it is to play with little ones. I love watching little ones learn, explore, and create their own worlds. They are just so precious.

Gosh, this is getting personal, but it is what is on my mind. If I wait, will I regret it?

15 thoughts on “Motherhood: Yes or No?

  1. That’s a tough decision. I think that if you really want kids someday, then not having them will bring some regrets later in life. But it’s a choice only you and your husband can make. Good luck with your decision. I had my daughter at 31 and I can tell you that although I wish I’d had her younger, I know I wasn’t truly ready before then. The changes in my life though were natural, because that’s just what I was supposed to do. It just happened and I didn’t think about what I was doing.

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  2. It’s definitely a tough choice, especially if you’re not 100% sure. You can always adopt if down the line you really decide you want them and have challenges. That’s how Jon came into my life!

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  3. I think the world is in desperate need of more people like YOU! You are such a gift to me and everyone I know. I’m 34, as you know, and not too far from our much anticipated delivery day. I, like you, thoroughly enjoyed all my “me time.” and wouldn’t change it for a second. Yet I worry Constantly if I will be a good mother, did I get my “me” time out of my system, will I ever have any me time again, etc. All I can say is that I came to my motherhood decision by knowing darn well that’d I’d 100% regret not doing this now! And I’d better get on it because I’m not getting any younger!!! But that’s just me!!
    Now I am anxious to watch this little one to see how many ways she reflects me and my mannerisms! It’s got to be surreal to see yourself in another living being. And then again, I figured if my age didn’t allow me to have children, adoption would be such a blessing…
    Girl, like I said before…if there were more people like you on our planet, it’d be a happier place…food for thought 🙂

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  4. Oh, you are the only one who can make that decision. I certainly dont regret having my two though they were both surprises at the time, and if it hadn’t happened that way then I think I would be in your situation wondering whether to go for it or not. Whatever you decide, it will be right for you. Good luck with it!!

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  5. When it’s right, you’ll know. If you’re asking these questions, perhaps that’s a tell. It won’t even be a matter of when, just how when that time comes. Life has a way of working itself out whether you want it to or not. Sometimes we just have to let it happen.

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  6. That’s a tough decision. I’ve had kids since I’m 19, four in all. Right now, after almost 30 years, I’m surrounded by kids and their friends in a rented summer house. I can’t imagine life without them. Except of course the times when I would take three showers a day just to get away from them. It’s a mixed bag, but at the end of the day (when everyone has gone home or is asleep) I’m happy with my choice and wouldn’t have wanted to miss this for anything.

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  7. Hey Tami,

    Love your posts n luved this one more n more..I guess you’ve said stuff here that many many more feel, but dont really say..
    Im 29 n though its been just over 2 years of marriage for me, all that uve written here works word to word for me too..I find myself at this junction n always think 2 ways about it..

    All I know, is deep down inside, I believe my life will be incomplete without having children of my own..

    and that the changes that life will bring for me, the ‘not enough of me time’, the sacrifices, the feeling of being a provider all the time, the feeling of being so very RESPONSIBLE, the way my decision making will alter as there will be many more who will be affected by it, and may be many other changes that Ive not even imagined, will all be worthwhile cuz

    eventually they will make me feel complete, & I will be responsible for them, and will play a major role in making them beautiful individuals who can make a difference.. This is the major motivation factor that brings me to this side of the scale…

    So motherhood for me? Definitely YES… What do you think??

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  8. After reading your post, I got the impression you could live a completely full life without kids. Your “me” time is not selfish instead it is the life you created for yourself…and it will be gone once you have a baby. Our society makes females believe they are to automatically become mothers just by the way we raise little girls, but motherhood is not for everyone and that is perfectly ok. It’s a tough one…

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