How are you perceived?

Posted by random olio

I was talking with Chris on the way home last night about perception. It is an interesting thing. Do you ever think about how others perceive you?

You might feel that others think of you as confident, or feisty, or determined. They may think of you in that way too. But, what if they do not? What if instead they think of you as aggressive, cocky, or impatient. Does how others perceive you matter? Does it change how effective you are with them, whether in a work or personal setting? I think it may. Do we have to manage others perceptions of us? Does it matter?

Often I think that others can be blocked to get to know someone more, or make a decision not to pursue creating a relationship or alliance with someone because of their assumptions or perceptions. I do not think we have to change who we are, or adapt who we are for others, but I do think we need to be aware of how we are perceived. Would knowing that make you approach a situation in a more gentle way? Or maybe just the opposite, would knowing how you are perceived make you act more aggressive? In some ways it is knowing your audience and understanding what they need and how they view the world. It may make a difference in how you interact with your boss, your kid, or your spouse.

I would love to hear other’s thoughts on this topic as it was a spur of the moment thought for me and one I would like to dig deeper into. Any books or articles you have read on this topic? Please share!

Adventurous, resilient, and one year older…

Posted by random olio

It is my sister’s birthday. I do not write about her that often. More because I feel that other than those that have passed on, and then of course Chris, that I do not talk about or expose too much about those in my life that are close to me (friends or family). I want to respect their privacy.

yes…she let me join her and blow out “HER” candles…

I have lost most of my immediate family, except for my brother and sister. My sister and I have had our ups and downs in life. Times when she kept the family together and other times when I felt I kept us together. We have had our fights and struggles. My not so nice lash outs (I used to be a biter). Okay, and a clawer, and am still a bit of a yeller. My sister has taken it all in stride.

At different times she has been a mother to me, and a sister, and a best friend. We have not always seen eye-to-eye. We have not always been happy with each other. In the end though we have always been there for each other. Countless experiences in hospitals while nursing my mom, and then my grandma. Many moves and purging of my family belongings. Extremely boring and depressing holidays with no real family. Yet, we got through it — together. Our lives are better now then we probably could have imagined.

Sista. You are a strong woman who is not afraid to take risks. Loves fiercely. Likes adventure. Respects those that respect you. In the above picture, you’ll see that even on her birthday she shared with me.

Have a wonderfully, sunny, pampered day. I love you.

Are You Relevant?

Posted by random olio

I was talking to a friend a few weeks ago. The idea of: “Are you relevant?” came up. I am not that old, but I have started to feel like being relevant is now very crucial to staying fresh and current in the workplace. Things change every single day. Most of these changes have to do with technology. Do you have the latest smartphone? Does it have the newest apps? Do you know how to use your smartphone? Have you had it for a few years and are still learning how to use it?

If you are like me there are constantly new things to learn about your smartphone. There are new things to learn about the apps. New technology and functionality. What about all the different social networking options? Facebook, Pinterest, LinkedIn, etc. They each are constantly evolving so that your experience is never the same. They constantly update, redesign, reconfigure your viewing experience. Are you able to keep up with all the changes that happen? Do the social media platforms alert you to the changes, or do you just learn to adapt, or you ask your networking community how they have maintained their composure while they navigate the changes?

I often feel I cannot keep up. I want to be in the know. I want to understand how to pace myself and decide which social media platforms meet my needs, but I find that they are all so varied and that I sometimes cannot keep up with technology and all its evolving, fast-paced, time sucking powers. Whether it be Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, or Pinterest, or another platform, do they really do for us what we think they do? Would we be better served by just having face-to-face conversations?

Would that make us all more relevant?

Pepsi and saving my pennies…

Posted by random olio

Yesterday was my grandma’s birthday. She would have been 102 years old. I was talking about her over the weekend with a good friend and Chris. She passed away over 9 years ago and she still has such an overwhelming place in our lives. I have written blogs about her quite a few times (just type Granny Smith in the search box for a few past ones). Sometimes she reigns in our thoughts because of her funny sayings, sometimes in conversations and experiences we had with her, and sometimes I am reminded about the times she was not there for me in the way I needed her. It is funny, Chris only knew her for about a year and yet he still has such fond memories of Granny Smith. What a lady. (In the photo below, she is wearing my graduation cap.)

granny smith at my college graduation…

I think I take after her in some ways. She ate the same meals over and over again. She had Total cereal every day and a glass of orange juice. For lunch some strange sandwich concoction that had ham in it. Sometimes just ham and cheese, and sometimes ham, peanut butter, and pickles. In addition to her sandwich, she had Pringles and a Pepsi. Always a Pepsi. She would never drink a Coke. Like my Granny Smith, I tend to be routine with my eating. Green smoothie for breakfast and a salad for lunch. No Pepsi for me.

I also learned a lot about saving from my Granny Smith. She lived every day like it was 1920. Then other days she would splurge and dote on us. She was not into “change.” She kept her finances just as her father set them up for her. You can imagine what that might have meant if she was around in our recent financial crisis. Having said all that, I learned a lot about being frugal.

She lived within her means, and was not incredibly extravagant. She also approached money as though it would not be there later. I think I have taken this ideal from her. I am working on looking at money in a new, none “depression mentality” way.

It makes me think about how we impact others in our lives. Do you have friends, colleagues, professors, bosses, etc. that you will never forget how they impacted your life? The ones that push you and challenge you to look at life differently. The ones that do not let you get away with your crap. The ones that are there for you when you need it the most. Or, the ones that were just there when you had no one else.

Happy Birthday Granny Smith!

Poofy sleeves, dresses, and guilt…

Posted by random olio

Do you remember times growing up when you told adults what they wanted to hear? Why did we do that? In our youth we should have felt free to say exactly what was on our mind.

I remember my grandma would buy my sister and me a dress each Easter. It was our Easter Sunday dress. Usually I hated it. I would wear it on Easter Sunday and then hide it in the back of my closet in hopes that she would never remember that she purchased it for me (or that I never wore it again). As I got older my mom encouraged me to just tell my grandma that I did not like it and that I would like to return it. It was always hard for me to tell her. I felt awful. I always thought I was hurting her feelings. Bummer, right?

a smile for the smurf cake, not sure about that dress though…

So…I wonder…what is it that makes kids feel they cannot be upfront? What made me just want to hide the dress and not discuss it with her? Partly I think it had to do with my dad who often would shut us down if we ever got the guts to confront him (which was rare). I think it imbedded into my thick skull that confrontation and speaking my mind was a bad thing. I was being disrespectful to my elders.

Something shifted inside me in college, almost to the opposite extreme, where now it is hard for me to keep my mouth shut. Now, that does not mean that I do not hold back. It also does not mean that I just steamroll everyone. I am pointed and thoughtful about my confrontation, but I feel less and less uncomfortable with saying what needs to be said.

What if we were able to raise children that had no fear of taking risks? Of speaking their mind and confronting their elders rationally? Does that teach them how to continue in their life with strength, poise, and determination? Sounds better to me than putting on that balloon dress to avoid confrontation.

What do you think?