Why am I such a scrooge?

Posted by random olio

The holiday season has begun and yet again this year I find myself struggling to find where I fit in. My mom got sick when I was 12 and I have such a short window of ever remembering a good Christmas. I remember the ones that were sad, lonely, and devoid of much joy. My mom was sick or we did not have money for food and bills so gifts, Christmas, and Santa were not top on the list.

Somehow my dad loved Christmas and yet what I saw of that was the love of decorating, the ambience that made it seem that all was well when really it was not. I am torn by my ghost of Christmas past, and how I really have never gotten into the Christmas spirit since I was 12. It has always felt forced and fake to me. I have been at other Christmas’ as an adult where the kids involved ripped their gifts open and only asked for more. It rubbed me the wrong way and I vowed to never breed that in my family. I either do not want to celebrate it the way the rest of the world does, or I want to create a different story. Chris agrees.

Added to my ghost of Christmas past — is that Nico’s birthday is on Christmas. Due to my past I would rather spend the day celebrating him and his birthday than Christmas. Yet, how do we do that when others in our life might not understand where we are coming from? I have long had the opinion (and have shared in other blogs) that I do not want to lie to Nico about Santa. I think there is a way to keep the world magical and real and not lie to our children. How do we ever expect them to trust us if we lie to them? Magic can happen with honesty. Did we all just get sucked into the story of Christmas? The one that circles back to Black Friday, retail, and consumerism? Or is it about spending time together, shared experiences, and giving to others? How many of us actually do that during the holiday season?

Gratefully, Nico will not know the difference this year, but next year will be different. This year (whether his birthday, or if we decide to do an actual Christmas) he is delighted to just have us open a box from Amazon Prime — even if the box contains batteries. Even better when it has a toy truck or school bus.

Call me extreme, but this momma is torn on what to do and how to bring the true spirit of Christmas into Nico’s life.

My one and only Birthday Party

Posted by random olio

I believe I was in the third grade. Somehow I think it was a surprise birthday party. (My sister might remember). It was during a time when I was into “My Little Pony.” I can barely remember who was at my party, except for a few photos I still have of the day. The problem is I cannot remember who most of the people are around the table in the photo.

The strongest memory I have is also one that paints me as a brat of a kid. While I know that survival was most likely the reason I never had another birthday party (food on the table at each meal was more important than having the best birthday bash) the memory I have was one of ingratitude. Before I tell you I have one further side note. I was in third grade during a time of “name envy.” The butt of your jeans had to have the right name brand or you did not fit in. Goodwill, hand-me-downs, and non-name brands did not work. As a kid growing up in a poor household, having “Guess” on my jeans was definitely not an option.

For that sole birthday party my mom made a cake and shaped it like a pony. It was to be a “My Little Pony” cake. The problem was that my mom spent so much time trying to shape the cake (I rather doubt they had a pony cake form back then), she forgot one of the key elements to the cake. The decoration/icing. My favorite (and probably only) My Little Pony was light blue with a lavender tail and mane. All My Little Ponies had a symbol on their hind that signified which Pony they were. Mine had lavender bows on the hind. My mom however decorated the cake so there were literally bows on the entire surface of the horse.

I was MORTIFIED. No one made fun of me, but I assumed all my friends thought this is what I thought a My Little Pony looked like. My friends never mentioned it, and I never brought it up, but I do think after it was all over I said something to my mom in tears. I am sure she wanted to slap me across the face (not that she ever would have) but wow did I sound ungrateful. When really I was afraid for what I would be thought of in a world that teased so heavily, where I would never have the “Guess” triangle on my butt.

Was it too much to ask for at the time to not stand out and to just fit in? Now that is the last thing I want – to fit in. Bring on the bows!

Random recipe: Buttermilk Spice Cake with Cinnamon Frosting

Posted by random olio

Last Sunday was my birthday. Typically we do not make a big ordeal about birthdays and holidays. I can only remember one time since we have been married that I made Chris a birthday cake. On Sunday I was making a dry shampoo for my hair that involved cinnamon and realized we had less than a teaspoon left. I am one to say that the last person that almost uses an item up needs to put it on the list for the grocery. Chris was planning to go to the store that day, and when he got home we had a fresh jar of cinnamon.

I was inspired by the new jar of cinnamon. Knowing that there was fresh cinnamon led me to decide to make myself a birthday cake (well sort of). I did not really care about my birthday or making it for myself, I just had this overwhelming urge to have spice cake with nutmeg, cloves, and of course cinnamon. Oh man was it worth it! We have had a slice (or two) each night this week. Usually I am not one to make a cake. I feel they tend to go dry out too fast, so I resort to going to our favorite cupcake bakery, Saint Cupcake, where we can select a few different flavors to enjoy in the smaller cupcake format.

Buttermilk Spice Cake (Food Network)

Recipe courtesy of Emeril Lagasse, 1999

Ingredients
2 cups brown sugar
1 stick butter, softened
1/2 cup vegetable oil
5 large eggs, separated
2 cups flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon fresh grated nutmeg
1/4 teaspoon ground cloves
1/4 teaspoon ground allspice
Pinch of salt
1 cup buttermilk

Directions
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Lightly grease and flour 2 (9-inch) cake pans. In a large mixing bowl with an electric mixer, cream the brown sugar and butter. With the mixer running, add the oil in a steady stream. Add the egg yolks, one at a time, beating well after each addition. Sift the flour, baking soda, baking powder, spices and salt into a medium-size mixing bowl. Alternately add the flour mixture and the buttermilk to the batter, mixing well. With the electric mixer, in another large mixing bowl, beat the egg whites until stiff peaks form, then fold them into the cake batter. Pour the batter evenly into the prepared pans. Bake until the center springs back when touched, about 25 minutes. Remove from the oven and cool on wire racks. After the cakes have cooled, invert them onto sheets of parchment paper. Slice each cake in half and set aside.

*Only change I made was I did not have allspice, so I used a bit more nutmeg, cloves, and cinnamon in its place. Also, I did not slice the cake in half, I just frosted between the two layers and on the top. Slicing would have been too much work and I was ready for a slice!

The recipe from Food Network did not have a frosting recipe, so after exploring quite a few (and not wanting to use one with cream cheese) I found this one which at first Chris felt was too cinnamon-y. I thought it was perfect. The recipe comes with a cake recipe, but I did not have cake flour, and I already found the cake I wanted to make, so the link has both, but I only made the frosting.

Cinnamon Frosting (Better Recipes)
1 box (16 ounces) powdered sugar
1 Tablespoon cinnamon
1/4 cup melted butter
1 egg white
Dash of salt
3 Tablespoons milk
1/2 teaspoon vanilla

1. Sift powdered sugar and cinnamon into a bowl.
2. Remove 1/2 cup of the sugar mixture and place in a mixer bowl along with the melted butter. Beat until blended. Beat in egg white and salt.
3. Add remaining sugar mixture to bowl, along with the milk and vanilla. Beat at high-speed until it is of spreading consistency.

The photo shows a runny frosting. It was the first night but that was because we could not wait to dig in. By the time we had a piece the next night the frosting was firm. We drizzled some extra frosting on our slices the first night. This recipe is my new favorite.

A dress for a big moment

Posted by random olio

I was thinking recently about a resident counselor I had in college. She was always a support to me and all the other girls she had to keep an eye on. But one memory stands out about how she went above and beyond for me.

It was my senior year and just days before my graduation. My college graduation felt very underwhelming to me. I had finished four years of college and could not wait to be done and move on with whatever was next. It was bittersweet. It would be the first “big moment” that neither of my parents would be there to see. My mom had been gone for 6 years and my dad had passed away in January of that same year. My graduation was just a few days after my 22nd birthday.

My resident counselor cleared me from my classes and final exams and took a friend and me into the city to play for the day. She told us she needed to run by the mall. I thought nothing of it. Once inside she told me that for my birthday she was going to get me a graduation dress. Looking at my good friend’s face, I knew she was in on this surprise. While I had other dresses I could have worn for my graduation, it meant a lot to me that she thought how hard this time must have been for me. To have it be my first birthday with no parents at all, and to know that I was accepting my diploma with no parents watching in the audience. It felt right to have a new dress for the occasion and, while I was slightly embarrassed, I went with it. We found a dress and then went to eat and be together. I do not remember much about that birthday with them, but I remember the dress and how loved I felt.

I had family at my graduation. My grandma, sister, brother, and my mom’s cousin were all there. Great friends came from Michigan to see me and witness this big day in my life, but it was still hard. There were definitely moments where I felt like this is not the way my college graduation was supposed to go. In many ways I wanted it to be over as fast as possible. Sometimes we never know how much a gesture of kindness can matter to someone else.

I still remember the exact dress I picked out that day.

Happy 2nd Birthday random olio

Posted by random olio

Last year I forgot all about random olio’s 1st birthday, and yet here we are on random olio’s 2nd birthday. Life flew by before I could catch my breath and celebrate. This year I have been giving my blog a little love, and I have to say it has not been the terrible twos for me. I am still enjoying the challenge of writing and sharing each weekday. It keeps me on my toes.

If you have been reading random olio for the past two years, I applaud you for staying with me. I hope you have found comfort, laughter, and inspiration in each post. I am sure there might have been some that bored you, others that made you laugh or cry, and yet other posts that you thought wow, TMI. Just as I shared in “Unapologetically herself” my coworker brilliantly said my nickname should be TMI. They were right. I hope my words without filters inspire you to be bold, share what you think, and not worry about what other people think.

I write what inspires me, what comes pouring out of my fingers sometimes so fast I have no idea where I am going. Some posts could definitely be more polished than others, but that is all part of the process. What I find interesting is that on the days when I post a blog and head off to work thinking “no one is going to be interested in this topic” is usually a topic that spurs many comments, likes, and shares. We never truly know what is going to interest another person, tug at their heart-strings, and make them want to share with another.

I have learned so much these past two years: strategizing what I want to write about, connecting with others online, friends, family, and maybe not as important to you, but so important to me, I have learned so much about myself and others in the process of writing random olio. Guess what? I am not going anywhere. Hopefully I will keep inspiring you, making you laugh, and cry. Hey, pee your pants if you want to… I am not watching.

Thank you to each of you that have read one post, a few posts, or the 500+ posts that have happened over the last two years. Without your kind words, comments, and support, I would be writing online with no community.

Happy 2nd Birthday random olio!