Tenacious Me

Posted by random olio

I have often been called tenacious. I never really liked it. I find it is a word that people do not really know the true meaning. Having a tenacious grip, a strong hold on something, not easily letting go or giving up. Yes, I would say that is me, but I always felt those definitions spun the word with a negative hint to it. That it meant you were more inflexible or strong-willed more than anything. So when I recently read Seth Godin’s 5 sentence blog post on tenacity and persistence, it was an eye-opening moment. He says:

“Tenacity is not the same as persistence. Persistence is doing something again and again until it works. It sounds like ‘pestering’ for a reason. Tenacity is using new data to make new decisions to find new pathways to find new ways to achieve a goal when the old ways didn’t work. Telemarketers are persistent, Nike is tenacious.”

It makes sense doesn’t it? Godin makes persistence almost sound like the definition of insanity (doing the same thing over and over again and expecting the same results). It makes me wonder, are we all actually more tenacious than we think? Has the word had a bad rap, or is it just me that has associated negative connotation to “tenacious?”

So often (as I mentioned in my blog on change last week) we get stuck in the rut of old ways and forget that each new project deserves a fresh look. It might not make sense to follow the same process anymore. It is always appropriate to ask yourself, are we doing this because it is the way it has always been done, or because we have not stopped to update and change? If the old way is not working, change it. If the newer ways are stale, change them. My old way of viewing tenacious has been changed. Check.

Making Change Happen

Posted by random olio

I am a strong believer that if you go the extra mile, try a bit harder, and imagine big possibilities that you are on the path to shifting thought and making change. I do not like to keep things at the status quo. I like to push the envelope just a bit. Not too much that people cannot handle it, but just enough that hopefully we move others a bit closer to a better situation. It takes quite a bit of work, dedication, perseverance, and often a lot of push back to those that do not want to change. Oh, yes, and a lot of accountability.

How often do we stay in a job that does not challenge us because it is just easier to stay, because we are afraid to change things? I have been in that very situation, and I can tell you first hand, leaving was the best thing for me. It might sound cliché, but that change and my willingness to say okay life this is where things are at, bring it on, has led me to many, many opportunities, and tons and tons of cool people along the way. Individuals who challenge me, inspire me, comfort me, and make me laugh. They are in my life because my life changed.

Have you ever avoided having a conversation because it is easier? Tough conversations are exhausting, they zap us of energy, and often times make us want to run the other way. But we get through them, and each one changes us. Change often is swirling in my thought because it is a big part of the work I do each day. Helping others adapt to change, preparing them for change, and sustaining the change. So when Seth Godin’s blog on change called: “Every presentation worth doing has just one purpose” was finally reached in my inbox (I am so very behind on emails, blog reading, and the general news happening in the world), I thought, oh Seth you are speaking to my thoughts. He says: “A presentation that doesn’t seek to make change is a waste of time and energy.” I thought wow, if we only thought about that ALL the time, maybe our day-to-day meetings would be more engaging and inspiring.

I am going to try to approach my work in that way. How can I move the bar closer to success for others, closer to understanding their role, closer to having change stick? I usually try to approach projects thinking: what would success look like? But what if now I spend a bit of time before each presentation, and assess what change I might want to happen? How would I approach the presentation differently? Can I present in a way that means I will be able to plan what I need to do to get individuals to shift their thought?

I think we all can.

Looks can be deceiving

Posted by random olio

I know you probably know all you want to know about Photoshop, women, and the ads that show them as perfect. I am most likely not telling you anything new. But, here is the thing. Even though you know, even though it is not right, it is still happening. Whatever happened to transparency? What would it be like if a company photographed a model and shared the before and after shot? What if? Would that potentially open the eyes of young girls, hell, mid-life women who are telling themselves they are not worthy? If every time they saw an ad for their favorite actress, or model and if only they knew how many takes, how much work happened in Photoshop to make that perfect photo? Would that maybe help them think differently about their skin, their nose, their fat?

Body issues tend to always be at the back of most girls and women’s minds. How can they not? We are surrounded by the media, onlookers of the testosterone mindset always looking us over for their approval. Hell, it is also known that women look other women over. Maybe it is just to compare notes of where they stand against another, maybe it is to get ideas for what they might want to wear, or maybe we are just as curious as the male species.

In any case, the woman’s body is over scrutinized beyond belief. What scares me most is how far from reality ads are today showing the woman’s body. Sure, there have been companies (Dove for example) that have shown real women without Photoshop, but that is the exception. The norm shows women without a single flaw. Now I am not excluding men here, but come on. The media will show George Clooney with a wrinkle long before it will on a woman. Just think of the newscasters today, you often see an old man, but you rarely see an old woman.

So when I saw this video of the before and after of a model, I wanted to yell: Stop it! Let us all be. Let us buy the soap we want because it works, or smells good, or makes us feel sexy, not because some model makes us think we will only be happy in life, and have what they have because we have been erroneously convinced that this product will change our life. It will not. I promise you. Tell your sisters, daughters, mother, friends to watch for these bullshit depictions of women in the media. To not get sucked in. We are all who we are regardless of our wrinkles, ripples, fat, and blemishes. Do not make anyone or anything tell you differently.

Being Me and Being Seen

Posted by random olio

What does it mean to be me? Saying what is on my mind. Not having a filter. Laughing when the urge hits me, even when sometimes it might not be appropriate. Going there. Yes, I mean sometimes going there, to the gutter, and sometimes it is the wrong time. Listening wholeheartedly. Saying yes way too much. Rarely crying, but when it happens, it is because something hits my emotional core, or when someone sees and speaks to a raw part of myself.

I struggled so much during my childhood and even into my college years with being enough — wondering if I was enough. Was I pretty enough? Was I small enough? Was I smart enough? Was I good enough? Enough with all the enoughs. Eventually I got fed up. Eventually I lost it. Eventually I just wanted to be me.

As I got older, and I had the ability to see life in hindsight, I saw a little girl who loved children, who loved to be childlike, who wanted to play, but who had to keep life together and make sure that from the outside everything was okay. In many ways, having the facade of normalcy, was what she wanted. She just wanted to be normal, and in some ways trying to prove her life was normal concealed to those around her what was really happening. Sort of like a company that needs more employees, but rather than the current employees showing that, they just work harder and longer, instead of making it apparent that what was needed was more bodies and minds to help.

All this came to me after reading a recent blog post from Emily Parkinson Perry’s. I have shared her blog before, and her words are always an inspiration to me. This quote about authenticity made me think about being me.

“To me, being authentic means being unapologetically you. It means laughing out loud, accepting your faults, being present with pain, and okay with uncertainty. It means saying you’re sorry, or that you don’t know the answer. It means saying, ‘I love you’, and allowing yourself to drop into the free-fall feeling of it. It means allowing yourself to truly be seen.”

It took until I was a senior in college, but I finally understood that being me meant not hiding behind what others wanted of me, that I could be me as loud as I wanted without apology. And I am. I am loud, and sometimes emotional, opinionated, and strong-willed. I know what I want, and sometimes it is hard to get me to change my mind. Even if I am wrong. It is hard for me to say “I’m sorry” and I will always tell you if I do not know something. Then later she says:

“Your authenticity lies in the moments when you’re caught off-guard; when you blush at the compliment, laugh at your own mistake, or get caught singing in the car. Those are the precious gifts you give to the world—they are the moments when you let down your guard and allow yourself to be seen—you, as your beautiful, true, authentic self. When you let yourself be seen, it gives others the courage to do the same, and the world needs more of that.”

I love, love, love this. It happened last week when a co-worker asked me something out of the blue. She saw me at my rawest, and that made me cry. Or when I said burger instead of booger, and Chris could not stop laughing at me. I was seen, and I laughed and I cried.

Start young: play money, toy cash register

Posted by random olio

As more and more people around me have babies it makes me think about kids more and more. There are so many things to think about: car seats, cribs, bassinets, strollers, names, kinds of diapers, bottles, the list goes on. As they get a bit older the list shifts a bit to other very important ideals that a couple should, for the most part, agree upon in how they want to raise their kids.

When I recently came across this article on how to teach your kids about money it made me think, wow everyone should be starting very early in how they want to approach money with their kids. I was talking to a colleague just the other day. Yes, I can tell you this now, and it is possible that I have no idea what I am talking about! We were discussing how expensive it is to raise a kid these days, let alone thinking about paying for them to go to college. I paid my own way through college. I was in a work/study program, and I worked outside of that too. My parents could not afford to pay for college for any of their three kids. While it would have definitely been nice to have it paid for, it taught me a lot about money, about growing up, and about taking responsibility for my decisions. I probably would not have worked as hard to learn if I was not paying for it.

Now that does not mean that I will not help my future kid(s) out with college, but I want to do it in a way that helps them grow, learn, and understand what their decisions mean financially. Too often, I think parents write a check and walk away, and that does not help their kids learn about life. The above article starts with ages 2-5 on how you can use play money and play “store” together. Oh how I remember the plastic cash register I had when I was little. I loved watching the coins come down the side like it used to at the grocery store. Toy cash registers today I believe have scanners and credit card swipers. Oh well. Parents could still teach the value of money, and include a bit about how someone has to pay for what is put on that credit card.

Start young. Whenever we begin having kids I know I will start young too. I think conversations about wants, needs, and money help kids know and appreciate all that they have in the world. It does not have to be in a way of shame, but from a place of abundance and gratitude.