Honesty and Integrity = Respect and Credibility

It’s Friday! It’s Friday!

Last summer I went to the IABC Conference that took place in San Diego, California. For those of you that might not know what the IABC Conference stands for – it is the International Association of Business Communicators. The keynote address was by Jonah Leher. I had recently read one of his books and enjoyed it, while also being very intrigued by his keynote address.

A few months Jonah released his next book: Imagine and I checked it out from the library. Once I received it and tried to start reading it, I was turned off. For the most part, the pages I read served to debunk the idea that brainstorming and creativity are effective ways to come up with new ideas. So I stopped reading and decided his new book was not one I was going to finish. Then tonight I came across this NPR article about the Bob Dylan quotes Jonah made up. What has come of our world? With all the information on the Internet, why would you ever even think about lying or fibbing about quotes, data, experience, etc? It does not make any sense to me!

It also opens up a lot of questions for me. What makes authors knowingly lie or make up content? Have folks not remembered the James Frey drama? Why is honesty and integrity such a hard thing to follow through on? How can we continue to trust authors and writers if we constantly have to wonder if they are telling the truth or not? It is interesting to me that the content of his book made me return it to the library and move on with my life. And…now they are pulling his book for inaccuracies.

Reminder to all writers: TELL THE TRUTH. Otherwise, you lose all respect and credibility.

More Bang For Your Buck

Posted by random olio

Recently I posted about: All the Money in the World: What the Happiest People Know About Getting and Spending, by Laura Vanderkam. One of the things she mentions is that the average cost of an engagement ring today is: $5,392. Wow. That could be a used car for some folks. Add the engagement ring to the cost of the wedding itself (flowers, dress, reception, food, venue, etc). It adds up quickly. My question is – is it all necessary? Chris and I got married on a beach in Hawaii for basically the cost of a honeymoon. Even doing that, it was expensive, but it was nothing like what the cost could have been if we had a traditional wedding + a honeymoon. I appreciate what Laura says in her book:

“With the same $5,392 the average couple spends on an engagement ring, a set of new parents could pay a babysitter $50 a night for 107 nights so they could have time to themselves or go neck in their car like teenagers. The $12,124 The Knot reports the average couple spends on a reception venue could cover a $100 housecleaning service, twice a month, for the entire five years many two-kid couples spend in that sticky stage when children spill milk just to see what will happen. The average $1,988 florist and decor bill could be doled out, instead, as 198 thinking-of-you $10 bouquets–a once-a-month gesture of love for a solid 16.5 years.” page 22

Laura also talks about what would bring more joy to your marriage. Does the American Dream and picket fence really make you satisfied? Or are you more interested in traveling and learning about other cultures? If so, are you paying more for a car or home then you really need? Are you doing it because it makes you happy, or is it because it is what you think you should be doing? What is more responsible? What causes you less stress? I often think of things pertaining to money in terms of justification. If I do not buy this now, I will have enough money for something else later. Much like what Laura mentions about $1,988 in flowers could give you 198 $10 thinking of you bouquets a month for 16.5 months. What has more bang for your buck?

We have so many different ideas and options before us. Are we asking the questions of what is best for us and our families, or are we making choices just to keep up with the Jones’? Do we really need the big elaborate wedding, or engagement ring, or are we best prepared if we put that money towards our future? Or towards our emergency funds?

What do you think?

What Are Your Love Languages?

Posted by random olio

Have you read the book: The Five Love Languages? by Gary Chapman. It is a slow book, but the ideas in it are ones that apply to romantic and platonic relationships. I read it a few years ago, but constantly refer to it in conversations. It has continued to be a great way to dive into relationships and how others relate to each other, whether in a good relationship, a new relationship, or one that is struggling.

The background on his book is that we each have a language with how we feel most loved. Take for example your significant other (if you have one, if not then replace with your good friend, or a family member). Think about what you feel they need to feel most loved. I will list below the five love languages. I will say this again: The key is to think about what THEY most need that makes them feel loved. Try to come up with the top two out of the five. Once you have figured out what their top two are, think about what your top two are – what makes you feel the most loved?

The five love languages are:

Gift Giving
Words of Affirmation
Quality Time
Physical Touch
Acts of Service

You can find more details and definitions of each of the love languages at the above link. My top two languages of love are: Quality Time and Acts of Service. This means when Chris knows I have had a rough day and it is not over yet, that if he takes care of some chore he knows I will try to do even if I am operating on 10% energy, it will make me feel loved. He knows that my language (Acts of Service) means he is thinking about me and what I need without even asking me.

I also really appreciate quality time with each other. These days with all that we have on our plates, quality time is such an important language of love. It says I care and love you enough to put down my phone, turn off the TV, shut my computer and focus on you. You may or may not have the same love language as your significant other. What is important for me is that I know what his love languages are and that I focus on how to show him love through his love languages.

a photo from a friend.

What are your love languages? Have you shared your love languages with others? It is an important conversation for others to know how to best love you!

Delicious Ambiguity, 4-H, and Aprons

Posted by random olio

I love finishing a good book. It always inspires me of the possibilities of what has not been written. Since each of us have such an individual experience there are infinite outputs to what can be encapsulated in new books. So when I find one that leaves a smile on my face and a bit of inspiration in my life, I have to share!

“Apron Anxiety” by Alyssa Shelasky is a memoir about a woman who falls in and out and in love with food. Her book is not entirely about food, and it is not written in a way that makes you feel like she is a die-hard foodie either. It is perfect for those of us that tread on the perimeter of food and the foodie world. She starts out as many might, timid. She eventually jumps in with her entire soul. What it did for me was make me want to TRY. While I am a confident baker, I am not a confident cook. When I was young I was in 4-H. Yes, the summer program that makes you think of raising cattle and pigs. For me it meant summers learning how to sew and bake. It was just something I did. I do not think I knew whether it was cool or not to be part of 4-H. I rode my bike to a local high school, daily for a few weeks and learned, tried, laughed, and made new friends while exploring an oven and the frustrations of a sewing machine.

I have not forgotten those summers. The baking programs I was involved in meant I learned over the course of five summers to make cookies, muffins, cakes, breads and yeast rolls. For sewing, I learned how to hem, make darts, button holes, hook and eyes, zippers, skirts, tops, dresses, etc. While I do not make my clothes, I still remember how. What has stuck with me the most is what I learned baking. “Apron Anxiety” has made me want to try to tread water in the world of cooking. I had a thought last week, that just maybe if I one day am preggers and at home with a little one, that I might want to try my hand at cooking. Here is my setback. I have horrible timing. I can make a lot of things in the kitchen. What I fail at is making them ready at the same time. If I steam broccoli, it is never ready when my entrée is ready. So that is my test. Can I find a way to time things so that I can make the parts of a meal ready to savor at the same time?

Here are two of the quotes in “Apron Anxiety” that really resonated with me:

“I will always meet people who don’t like me, or don’t get me, who think I’m dressed like a high-class hooker or raised by wolves. But as all women I’ve ever admired would say, “At least you’re interesting enough that someone gives a shit.” Which reminds me: There will always be people who think I’m not interesting enough at all.” page 226

“Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it…Delicious ambiguity.” page 236 (a Gilda Radner quote)

I definitely recommend adding “Apron Anxiety” to your list of books to read. It is a fun, light-hearted, and inspiring read! Here is to starting my future delicious ambiguity and to hell with those that do not think I am interesting!

Book Reviews in 140 Characters

Posted by random olio

When I find a good thing I want to share it. Somehow the other day I came across this blog from Julien Smith. When I read his blog post, I knew I wanted to share it, as it is a different way of summarizing so many books in 140 characters. I found quite a list of books that I have not read and want to read. I just picked up “On Writing Well” at the library, and look forward to reading it and seeing what I can learn to develop my writing further. “Six Pixels of Separation” is also on my bookshelf waiting to be read.

Here are a few from his list I recommend:

Stumbling on Happiness
Crush It!
Your Money or Your Life
Switch
The Art of Eating In
The Creative Habit
A Million Miles in a Thousand Years
5 Love Languages
The Art of Non-Conformity
The Happiness Project
Program or Be Programmed
The Thank You Economy
The War of Art
Evil Plans
Accidental Genius
The Power of Eye Contact
Any Seth Godin book (many listed on Julien’s list)

Here are a few others I have added to my list to read:

The Myth of Multitasking
Not Always So
What Should I Do with My Life?
Enough
She Comes First
50 50
Presentation Zen (I have to use PowerPoint a lot at work, always looking for new ideas)
When I Say No, I Feel Guilty
Status Anxiety
The Architecture of Happiness
Shop Class as Soulcraft
Rework
The End of Food
Good Calories, Bad Calories
Emotional Intelligence 2.0

Julien, I also love the image on your site with the fan and the older radiator. Like I said earlier – a clever idea. Thank you for sharing your book reviews in 140 characters.