Money Club or Book Club?

Posted by random olio

Is it bad that I am intrigued by the idea of getting together with others and instead of having a book club (which of course would be great too) having a Money Club? Is it me, or do I feel that most others would not enjoy it? Is it because money is such a taboo topic among so many of us? I do not think a Money Club would necessarily need to be just women, but then maybe it would make women feel more empowered if it was just women. In any case, I am curious, if a monthly Money Club get-together is something folks would go to?

I got the idea from a LearnVest Daily email newsletter. I wish I had come up with the idea. I did not know the idea had been around for a long time. After doing a Google search I found quite a few websites that give details on how to start a Money Club. Regardless, I think it is something I might try to start. We all need to be more liberated about money issues, debt, talking to our spouses about our checking accounts, spending needs, etc. The above link shares steps for starting your own money club.

It is possible your Money Club might start out and be a bit uncomfortable. I think it is because of how little we talk with others about money, but it is so needed. I know plenty of individuals that are freaked out to even look at their checkbook so they just resist doing so and as a result do not know how much money they have to their name, or if their bank is hemorrhaging their accounts with unwanted and unnecessary fees. Others may not know what their joint income is and whether or not they have an emergency fund (maybe their spouse takes care of all of it and they never talk about it). A Money Club could help shed light on their current financial state, and if they are on track for retirement, are they financially prepared for the loss of spouse, or the loss of income. Or maybe it is about sharing resources, ideas, and encouragement for individuals wherever they are in their financial experience.

Financial conversations may not be something that you care about, and it may bore you to death, but it is as necessary as attending to many of our basic needs. Maybe I should start a virtual Money Club via phone or online if there are not enough interested individuals in my local area. So if an ETF or a living will leave you with a blank look on your face, maybe a Money Club is a great way to learn more, have fun, and get to know others while helping you to feel at peace about your financial future.

I am off to ponder this idea further.

Engagement rings as downpayment?

Posted by random olio

I just started reading “All the Money in the World: What the Happiest People Know about Getting and Spending” by Laura Vanderkam. I am intrigued by quite a few ideas I have read so far, so I have a feeling I might end up writing about this book over the next few days. For those of you that may not know me, I am avidly interested in personal finance. I believe that as we grow up we do not learn about personal finance unless our family teaches us, or we specifically take classes in college, or some other random way. Most of us wind up learning about it by default, and even at that we do not feel completely confident about what we really know regarding finance.

The premise of this book is that even with all the money in the world most of us would still not be happy. The author explains how we can use money as a tool to creatively set ourselves up to do the things we want to do in life. Because I am passionate about money issues and women issues I found the following ideas interesting about engagement rings. The average couple spends $5000 on an engagement ring. My husband and I quasi eloped. We told folks before we left to get married, had a send off party, but went to sun and sand just the two of us, with the officiant, photographer, and videographer as our witnesses. Based on how we got married, I have an interest and intrigue for big and small weddings and how folks decide to get married. With that I have always been fascinated by the engagement process. We did not have a formal engagement, or an engagement ring, our experience was all very non traditional. In her book, Laura talks about how men in the 1930’s would propose to women and then have a string of fiancees. To protect women multiple states added laws that allowed women to sue for breach of promise, meaning that men had expensive consequences when proposing to multiple women. I am shocked (and a bit in awe) that women had very few rights at the time, and yet they could sue a man for breach of promise. This is the background Laura shares:

“Then in 1935, a legislator from Indiana sponsored a bill abolishing broken engagement as a reason to sue for damages. Other jurisdictions followed, which soon raised a question: if a woman couldn’t sue, what could she do to protect herself? One solution would be to demand a large transfer of capital as part of an engagement. That would make any prospective grooms think twice about seducing a woman under false pretenses. The most efficient way to do this would be for the man to give his beloved money. Money can be used for anything, and so this method would at least let the woman do something useful with it, like go to school or start a business. But genteel folks have always found cash a bit tacky in proper situations, so that didn’t catch on. Fortuitously, at the same time brides were looking for something expensive yet respectable to secure their honor, the diamond industry faced a glut of the precious stones and needed some way to move them. Seeing an opportunity, the DeBeers company staged one of the first national marketing campaigns to boost diamond sales. Its advertising agency got Hollywood stars to wear conspicuous rings, and movies soon featured engagement scenes involving diamonds. Within just three decades the diamond engagement ring was welded into the culture, almost universally accepted…” page 18-19

So our current day engagement ring came about from women finding an expensive way to secure their honor. Does that mean if the man breaks off an engagement then the woman keeps the ring, but if a woman breaks an engagement she has to return the ring to the man? It made me start to think: is the cost and purchase of an engagement ring still necessary? Is it the most fiscally responsible way for a groom (or a couple) to spend their money before starting their life together?

Food for thought.

Weekend Recap // National Library Week

Posted by random olio

What a wonderful weekend! Chris’ parents were here for the weekend and we packed in lots of walking, talking, and of course eating. After taking them to the airport, Sunday afternoon was a nap, movie for Chris, and a nice long run for me. Gratefully we had sun this weekend, and it seemed that all Portlanders were outside, many in a t-shirt and shorts which made me cold, the sun was out but it was not super warm. Yet.

So this week is National Library Week (April 8 – April 14). I can remember going to the library when I was little. I do not know how old I was when I started checking out books, but I can remember going in the summer and telling them which books I read, and getting to put stickers on the wall for the summer reading club. I was also involved in the “Book It” program with Pizza Hut. I cannot remember if this was with my school or my local library, but I just looked it up and it is still active. I remember meeting certain reading goals, and then getting a coupon to go to Pizza Hut for a free personal pizza. As a kid I did not get to go for pizza often, so I thought it was the coolest thing to read books and get free pizza!

I now go to my local library weekly, almost as often as I frequent the grocery store. I am either returning books or picking up new ones. At the moment I have 20 books sitting on the shelf to be read. Since you can place books on hold electronically, I am at the mercy of when it is my turn for a specific book. This is my system: My library allows books to be checked out for 3 weeks. For a book where there are a lot of holds, and I know I will not be able to renew it after 3 weeks, I move that to the top of my list to read. For older books where there are not any holds and many copies available, I know I will be able to renew it so it goes lower down in my stack. I am so grateful for our local libraries, I have saved a ton of $$ not purchasing books and I have just finished my 39th book for 2012.

You can find more details about National Library Week events in your area at this link.

Since I am on the topics of libraries and books, I have an odd thing to share. This was in the book I was reading this weekend. It says: “I’ve been gone a lot from library (smiley face) doctors appts.” Was it planted there for the next reader? For the library? Who knows, but very random! It sounds like something I would write when I wake up in the middle of the night and make notes on the pad of paper by my bed. I have been known to write some random things in the middle of the night!

post-it in random book

I need to go decide which book I am going to read next!

You inside and outside of your marriage

Posted by random olio

Last week I finished reading: “No Cheating, No Dying: I Had a Good Marriage. Then I tried to Make it Better” by Elizabeth Weil. It is an interesting book, a quick read. She has a good marriage and just wonders if there are ways she can make it better. I am in the same boat, although I would not call my marriage good, I would call it exceptional. I know, I am biased, but I just have a great admiration for the communication that happens between my husband and me. Having said all that, there is always room for improvement in any relationship, so I like reading books that could shed light on how I might be able to look at things differently in my marriage and make it that much better.

So a little background. I was very independent when I met my husband. We met at work, and we both remember that we did not really like each other too much. He was too nice to me, and I did not trust that, and he did not like me because I was not nice enough. Go figure. After working very long days together, we got to know each other well, and when I left my job we realized that we missed each other and all the time we spent together. The rest, well, is history in the making. We met almost 11 years ago. We have now been married for almost 9 years. I struggled in the beginning to try to understand who I would be as a wife, while also a strong feminist and very independent. I was not going to be driven in the car (I would drive), I was going to talk to the mechanic about our car, we would share cooking and cleaning, etc.

Over time, we found a balance. He drives (he loves driving and I could care less about the actual driving part) I read and catch up with to-do’s on my phone, I get a report from him about the mechanic, and I no longer cook. Early on I screwed up making pesto and put in way too much garlic. He ate it and smelled for days. Call it love, but it was the beginning of his control of the kitchen. Now I love it and leave him alone when he cooks each night. It is his time. I am the baker. I make the sweet things and the yummy breads and goodies. It all works out. But, it does not mean that I do not wonder if I am balancing who I am independently with who I am in my marriage. Elizabeth and her husband have an agreement: No Cheating, No Dying. My husband and I have a similar strong agreement and have from the very beginning: No cheating, and our trust and honesty in each other is the utmost importance. These questions about balance between being a woman and independent and being a wife is why this quote from Elizabeth’s book resonated with me:

“I was an even less likely candidate than Dan for a wholly merged life. One of my more telling memories of myself as a young woman and of how unbending I was in love happened the evening a new boyfriend wanted to make me a cilantro-lime pesto, and instead of walking with him on that warm spring evening to buy limes, I suggested he run the errand alone. By the time I met Dan, at age twenty-eight, I’d shed some of that rigidity. I knew more about who I was, so I felt more comfortable being swayed. But nearly a decade into marriage, and sincerely hoping to remain married to Dan for many decades more, I did not understand how much I should be swayed by my husband. What algorithm should determine how much I tipped over into the warm bath of our union and how much of myself to keep separate, outside?” page 2.

It is a dilemma many of my married friends have discussed. I love my husband, have excruciatingly high standards for him, and as Elizabeth mentions of Dan, her husband, my husband is the center of my life. Where is the line of who we are as a person, as a woman, and where is that blending of our love for our husbands, our shared desires in marriage and life? I often find that when my husband is traveling I back away into myself. I am quieter and more introspective. Sometimes that is because he is so busy when he travels that we talk briefly sometimes only once a day. I think it is also because I have a different area of space around me when he is away. Maybe for some couples this is not an issue, maybe they lead such separate lives that each individual does not wonder which side of the line they have veered too far across, one that keeps them so remotely independent, or to the side of never being apart from their spouse.

How do you handle independence and closeness with your spouse? How do you ensure you are completely connected, yet also focusing on what makes you keep your groove, what makes you YOU? Would love to hear any insights!

the happily married couple 🙂

Are you a waker?

Posted by random olio

Gosh, I feel like I know what it must have been like on Noah’s Ark. It will not stop raining in Portland! Yes, I have lived here a long time and I am used to it, but usually it rains, then is gloomy the next day, then it rains, you get the picture. These last few weeks it has been raining non-stop, and my iPhone shows rain for the next week straight. I am starting to think that this year the saying should be March showers bring…sun and flip flops in April? For those of you that have sunshine send some my way!

Yesterday I read the book: “Evil Plans: Having Fun on the Road to World Domination” by Hugh MacLeod. It is a quick read, with short, quick chapters and even has cartoons throughout that break it up a bit. I read it all during yesterday’s run, so you will only need about an hour. I definitely recommend it if you are wanting to get out of your current job and you are needing inspiration and a little kick in the butt to do so, OR if you left your job and are breaking out on your own and need a reminder for why you broke free. Hugh starts the book with this idea:

“Sigmund Freud once said that in order to be truly happy in life, a human being needed to acquire two things: the capacity to work, and the capacity to love.” [His premise of an “Evil Plan” is to be able to do both at the same time]. page 2

He also has a cartoon that says: “the best way to get approval is not to need it.” I love that idea. (I apologize I forgot to note the page number). At the very end of the book he has a chapter called: “Are you a Waker?”

“A waker is someone who is very good at waking other people up from their metaphorical slumber, temporary or otherwise. Some people just have the gift. Being around them or their work just makes you feel more alive, more inspired, more motivated, more awake. The best wakers will make you do crazy-ass things, like quit your boring job and start your own business, write that song, move to Thailand, forgive that someone who once hurt you, or finally tell that girl that you love her. A waker reminds you on a constant basis just how alive you really are. Just how much human potential you really have inside of you. And there’s something about their influence that makes you utterly unable to go back to “sleep” ever again, despite your best efforts.” page 168

I love this idea of being a waker and wanted to share it with you! I want to help others feel more alive and more awake! Just as I want others to help me in that endeavor. What if we all attempted to do that for each other?

You can learn more about Hugh MacLeod on his website/blog.

Happy Friday! Stay dry or enjoy the sunshine…be a waker this weekend for someone else!