Communication

Ou-ba-ju-ba-wobbles…and body language

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I was intrigued when I watched this TED talk with Amy Cuddy. I cannot remember how I came across it, however, it has my mind going with so many ideas and questions. Body language is fascinating to me. She talks a lot about how we carry ourselves and what that means about our emotional state. When we are in a business meeting are we slouching or sitting upright? What are our legs doing? Do we cross them or put them up on a table?

So what did you think of what she had to say? I have a confession. Growing up I always had a large chest. You know, breasts, boobs, ou-ba-ju-ba-wobbles. I hated it. I hid them, or at least I tried. It impacted my posture. I stopped standing up straight. I started rolling my shoulders and over time my shoulders now have stayed that way. I try to work on my posture, but I am afraid it will take a while to fix after all those years of hiding myself. I remember a Sunday School teacher once told me to stand against the wall and stand up straight and carry myself proudly. I was offended (especially because it was in Sunday School)!

Yet, after listening to Cuddy’s video, it makes me think a lot about body language and power. How we sit, how we interact, our facial gestures, etc. I ask myself: How am I sitting in my meeting? How do I carry myself when I am interacting with family? Do I look engaged and interested, or bored and tired? Do I show respect with my body language? Do I show my power, or hide behind my body? All interesting thoughts to me as I assess how I am ME in this world.

What do you think?

The best medicine: Books

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For those of you that might have followed my blog over the past year, I am very passionate about books, libraries, and making sure kids have access to books. Books have changed my life. So when I read the below email from a local library foundation :

“Rx for a better life

Read early, read often.

For many of us, reading is a lot like breathing. It’s a critical life function that we do without even thinking. In the course of any given day, we ingest a vast quantity of written word – words that direct and instruct us, keep us safe, inspire, educate and entertain us. Opportunity hinges on our ability to read. Without it, we cannot explore the depth of our potential. The ease with which we read, and read well, is reflected in our quality of life.”

Wow. Well said. I believe reading was my therapy throughout childhood. When I was immersed in a book, the chaos and tough moments in my day went away. During the time I was reading, the rest of the world did not exist, only the world I was reading about mattered.

Tonight I am going to do research about Christmas book drives in my area. While it might not be top on a child’s list these days to receive a book for Christmas, if they do not have many, it is an important and precious gift that should be given.

Want to join me in donating the gift of reading this holiday season? Feel free to post in the comments section of any organizations worldwide that are accepting books so that other individuals can learn from what you know!

Cranky passion…respect for another’s time

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Do you ever get stuck on something that you have extreme passion over? To the point of being cranky about it?

I sometimes get frustrated when others in my life decide not to plan for certain events and I am impacted. You inquire about their plans, ask if they have decided, and in the end you are impacted by their indecision. At times like these I prefer to just cancel the plans and move on with my life. I get cranky with them. Maybe it is because it feels like they are not communicating and they are not thinking about how their unresponsiveness may impact your life. It means they are not respecting your time or appreciating what might be happening in your life. In the end it is selfish of them.

I try not to do this to others. I try to be aware of how my decision might affect others, and communicate with them if I know my indecisiveness might affect them. I let them know I am unsure. I tell them that if they need to move forward with their plans without me to go ahead and do so.

I know I should not judge others for the decisions they make in life, but it is hard. It means that there are missed opportunities. I want to be sure to teach my future kids to be respectful of other people’s time. It is like going to a meeting and other individuals in the meeting are not prepared and when they come to the meeting they are on their phone or computer. Are they respecting our time? Is that fair? If you are in that situation do you tell the other attendees to reschedule and reconvene when they are prepared?

How can we get others to respect the time of everyone we come into contact with? Is it even possible? What do you think?

Games, Linchpin, and no more Candyland

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I just finished reading “Linchpin” by Seth Godin. There are so many amazing nuggets in this book. I could write a very long blog about all the ideas I gained from this book, but one in particular really has me thinking. I love playing board games. Growing up it was one of the few things I remember we did as a family. We did not go on vacations, to sporting events, movies, etc. So playing board games is what I remember as “family time.” Games were also how I became competitive. As the youngest, I often felt left out. As the baby of the family, I thought that if I learned each and every game, and could even win ones that maybe other members in my family would make sure I was included and got to play. I did not want them to have to hold my hand and help me along. I wanted to play and win on my own merits and skills.

I have never thought anything of the actual games we played or what they were teaching me. When I was younger we played Chutes and Ladders, Candyland, Memory, and eventually moved on to Monopoly, Tripoly, Poker, Parcheesi, Trivial Pursuit, and Yahtzee. I have not played any of these in years. Most recently I have played Cranium, Tripoly, and my favorite is Taboo. I enjoyed the competition, the family time, and the laughter and fun. So when I read this section in “Linchpin” it made me rethink all the games of my past, and quite frankly how I would want to approach games with my family in the future.

“Author Steven Johnson hates the board game Candyland and all board games like it. I hate them even more than he does.

‘I realize that games of pure chance have a long history, but that doesn’t make them any less moronic,’ he writes. He’s how Candyland is played: You pick a card and do what it says. Repeat.

This is early training in agenda following. Indoctrination in obedience. We teach kids that the best way to win is to mindlessly pick cards, follow instructions, and wait for it all to turn out okay.

Sheesh. What a disaster.

My decree: If you own a copy, burn it. Replace it with Cosmic Encounters or chess or a big box filled with wooden blocks. Please don’t look at school or even board games the same way again. If they’re teaching your kids or future employees to be map readers and agenda followers, make them stop.” Page 193

To give you more context, this section in Godin’s book discusses not being a cog that just takes orders and follows direction, but to become someone who creates their own map and paves their own way. I wonder what games help kids to create their own map. I am still processing and thinking about what those games could be. Any ideas?

Detective work into your future…

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The desire to know what will happen next. How will things go when your family visits? Will you receive that promotion? What will you learn at your next doctor’s appointment? If only we could know what the future brings. It could make our life easier, and it could make our life dull. This Daily Om: “Fully Committed to Now” speaks to wishing we knew what was going to happen to us:

“If someone had told you as a child of all the jobs and relationships you would experience, along with each one’s inherent ups and downs, you would have become overwhelmed. With your head full of information about the future, you would have had a very hard time experiencing your life in the present moment, which is where everything actually happens.”

I have been through a lot in my life. If I could have looked ten years ahead to know all of the different ups and downs, I think I might have lost it. That is why we are only given a few details at a time. It is like we are the Encyclopedia Brown or Sherlock Holmes of our life, but we are only given a few morsels, and the detective work lasts a lifetime. We are cracking the case and as we do we learn a bit more about ourselves. We find out about our strength, our poise, and patience. We are tested by the facts, the compelling odds, and then we synthesize the details to find answers to our questions that are meaningful to us.

Having said all that does not mean that I do not crave to know what is next for me. Am I doing the work I should be doing? Is this where I will be in 2 years? 5 years? What is my time table for starting a family? What is the future for my friends and family? I have so many questions, that only day by day will unfold for me. Sometimes I want a hint or at least the cliff notes for my future, because that would help, would it not? Or maybe that would be dull, like reading the last chapter of a novel and not wanting to read the rest of the book.

By being detectives of our own lives, we are able to be present in the now, always watching and aware of all that is happening around us.