The secret to a full life…

Posted by random olio

I am a people person. I watch a room. I watch how one person treats another person. Are they paying attention? Are they distracted? Do they care about the conversation? It gets harder and harder these days to stay focused on life. Our pockets vibrate or beep to tell us that someone wants our attention. Is the conversation we are having more important than the vibration in our pocket? Who wins?

I recently came across this Anaïs Nin quote:

“The secret of a full life is to live and relate to others as if they might not be there tomorrow, as if you might not be there tomorrow.”

What if we did that each day? What if we approached every conversation as if it were the last one, for us or the individual(s) speaking to us. Would we be more focused, and care less about the beeps and vibrates from our phones? Would it mean that we would get down on all fours and play more with our kids, pay attention to a friend on the phone, or to our spouse when they walk in the door at the end of the day? Would it mean we would be kinder to the cashier, or the driver going slow in front of us?

Anaïs Nin goes on to say:

“This thought has made me more and more attentive to all encounters, meetings, introductions, which might contain the seed of depth that might be carelessly overlooked.”

What if being more focused in that conversation meant the other person felt more loved? Would that be so bad? What if you got to know them better, and a friendship blossomed? Most of the time I can tell if the person I am talking to is paying attention and focused on our conversation. When I find that they are not, I pull back. Why? There is no point putting myself out there if the other person does not want to be part of the conversation. It is not worth the energy. I am going to try to focus on others more and dig deep.

#AnaïsNingratitude

Know my thoughts, not my bra size

Posted by random olio

Ah reminiscing. Over the weekend I went through a file folder of writing from childhood through to college. I came across a packet of writing from May 2000. It is a compilation from a woman’s writing class by all the women in the class. One of the exercises, I believe (based on the result), was writing our “woman seeking” ad. Here is my ad from 2000:

“single, white, midwest female seeking: single man who is not afraid of short hair or loud voices, who can listen and share, who is CLEAN and knows how to cook, who likes to sleep and demands comfy beds, who would rather know my thoughts than my bra size, who wants to influence this world, knows how to change a diaper, and can cuddle all day long.”

I laughed out loud when I read it. Then I found Chris and read it to him. See, it is a perfect fit. How did I ever know three years earlier that I would find my single man who loves to cook, sleep, cuddle? Who not only knows how to cook, but loves to, and he listens, shares, and definitely cares more about my thoughts, and just laughs at my bra size. I have seen him change diapers, but know once that day comes he will sleep less, continue to cook, and we will listen and share with that little one together.

Maybe now I should write an ad for what I want my next ten years to be like. If it comes anywhere close to what my senior year of college mindset gave me, life will be bliss.

#womenswritingrocks

Groundedness and gratitude

Posted by random olio

I recently read a book that has made it to my top ten list for 2013. It is a memoir of food, life, and recipes. I find that I am often a magnet for good food writing. Which is funny because I cannot cook for the life of me. I am a baker, but do not expect me to whip up a dinner, unless you want to go with raw foods. So when I read “Bread & Wine: A Love Letter to Life Around the Table with Recipes” by Shauna Niequist, not only was I inspired by her outlook on life, I found pages and pages of recipes that looked easy, unpretentious, and like the yummy comfort food that makes you want to snuggle on the couch with your significant other and nibble away.

Niequist intersperses God and her faith a bit throughout the book, but not in an over the top way. She made me think, ponder, and appreciate life and food so much more. She uses the word “groundedness” in this quote and I love it. Don’t we often look for what is next? For something more? Just last weekend I was looking at a painting of mine and said to Chris I want to give that painting another life. It is time to paint over it and move on. I do not do that often, as I love most of the artwork I have done, but there has always been something about this set of paintings that I have wanted to change. I am grateful for the time it served in our home, but time for something more.

“I want to cultivate a deep sense of gratitude, of groundedness, of enough, even while I’m longing for something more. The longing and the gratitude, both. I’m practicing believing that God knows more than I know, that he sees what I can’t, that he’s weaving a future I can’t even imagine from where I sit this morning.” page 59

Does Niequist mean this about that next job we want, or that person we want in our life? Who knows. Maybe it is our next meal that we are craving because we have such an insatiable desire for food — its tastes, flavors, and our craving for it. That could be, as she talked often about her addiction to food. Whatever it means I feel she has encapsulated such a wonderful idea. To cultivate gratitude and groundedness. To know that what we have is enough, even as we stay open for something more.

We cannot be overly grateful, and yet, in order to grow and not stay complacent we need to yearn for more. Gratitude and groundedness seem like just the right balance.

Lash out or lead with poise

Posted by random olio

You know when you have one of those days when every possible curve ball is thrown at you, going at the fastest speeds and you cannot imagine how you are ever going to hit it out of the park? Somehow you do, and somehow you do it with poise. Are you like that, or do you know someone like that? Or, do you wish that is how you handled life?

Poise is attractive. It is sexy. Why? It shows that someone can hold themselves together, keep their calm, and not let the situation affect them. I can give you an example. My husband, that man has poise. He will probably hate me for calling him out for having poise, but call a spade a spade right? Hundreds of times over the past 10+ years I have heard him handle people over the phone. He is direct, polite, does not get flustered or angry, yet firm to get what he deserves. Boy, do I have a lot to learn.

There are a lot of aspects of my life where I feel I carry myself with poise, but for some reason (usually surrounding customer service issues) I can sometimes lose my cool, or my composure. Why is that? What sets me off? Often I feel like a victim, that the company has overcharged us and will not reverse the charge, or the customer service agent is rude, unhelpful, or will not fix something that is truly the company’s responsibility. It is easy to slide into that victim mentality and lash out aggressively in hopes that it will fix the issue. Does it work? Sometimes. I have to say that lashing out has worked and leading with poise has also worked.

Maybe the goal is to work towards more poise, and pulling out the feisty aspects when needed?

I do it all for me.

Posted by random olio

There are not many things in life that we get to do all for ourselves. There is one thing I do each day for me. It is my zen at the end of the day. It is my moment to breathe and process what happened each day. It is just for me. It is my daily run. Multiple times in the past few months I have had individuals ask me why I work out. Do I do it for myself? To lose weight? For Chris?

I run all for me. I work out to take care of me, to stay healthy and fit. I do it because it is the one hour of my day that is entirely for me. I can make the choice to just listen to music, or to read (yes I read while I run on the treadmill), or to zone out and meditate. It is my time. At the end of the day it does not matter how much I weigh, or the tone of my body, it matters how I feel about myself. Am I confident about who I am and how I treat others? Yes. That is what matters, not the curves or the sag of what the years have done to my body.

I am a health nut. My parents passed on when they were in their 50’s. I never once remember seeing my parents workout. Of course, my dad being a contractor had plenty of physical activity, but I never saw them consciously focus on what they ate, or specifically thinking about physical fitness. I want to be different. I want to be active. I want to think about what I put into my body. Is it good fuel, or crappy sugar that does nothing to give me energy throughout my day?

What do you do all for you? I hope there is something.