Fight for it. Bring it.

Posted by random olio

Over the weekend I was penciling in my calendar a friend’s art show coming up in June. I decided to check out the website of the gallery where her show will be held and found this show. What a clever idea, be sure to click the show link for a full image. I have included a bit of the text here as it is hard to read on the left side of the photo:

WHAT DO YOU FIGHT FOR? Whether it’s in a cage, for the rights of others, or just for her attention, we are all fighting for something

I fight for _______

It made me think about and ponder what I fight for. What does it mean to fight for something? Do the people or things you fight for have levels or degrees to how much effort you give? Do some people receive the tall or grande effort while others might get the venti or Big Gulp? If there are ranges, then are you really fighting for those that only receive the grande effort? This is the list that came to me:

I fight for: my husband, my family and friends, women’s rights, literacy, children to eat healthy and be active on a daily basis, integrity, an hour a day to run (= sanity), fairness, equality…the list goes on.

However, I am not sure my list should go on. If I were being honest with myself, my husband would receive the infinite beverage size of my energy. Mess with my husband and you have to deal with me. Yes, he can completely take care of himself, and does not need me to get involved, but that does not mean that my competitive, fighting self will not lose all control against someone who tries to mess with my better half. So does that mean I do not think that childhood obesity is not worth fighting for? No. It is about the effort I give out. I would go to combat to fight for my husband, and while I am passionate about childhood obesity, it is not the same level of fight that I would have for Chris.

Have you thought about which things in your life you want to fight for? When the opportunity presents itself, do you really fight for them?

Letter to Sheryl Sandberg

Posted by random olio

I have not really followed Sheryl Sandberg (Facebook COO) or her new book that was just released. Last week on Facebook I saw this quote and had to share it. Maybe I like it because I was a bossy little girl. Go Sheryl.

Then I found this letter to Sheryl Sandberg from Daily Worth founder, Amanda Steinberg, and I had to share as I agree with the letter. In it, she mentions a TIME magazine cover story, where Sandberg says of her husband: “He manages our money,” she says. “I have essentially no interest.” (page 5 of the TIME article). This comment is what Steinberg is reacting to in her letter.

Each and every woman should have a stake in and understanding of their personal finances. It does not mean that we always understand everything 100%, but we should try. I know too many women, that make a good living and would willingly turn over their hard-earned income to the man in their life, because they do not understand how to manage their finances. Please stop.

I know that it might be the easy way out, but you are not doing yourself any service by giving your money over to the man in your life. You are giving away your power. I would be the first to say that I do not always understand each and every part of our finances or retirement accounts. There are often little details that confuse the crap out of me, but the key is that I try to make sense of it. I want to know. I do not give up my power to my husband. We share the responsibility of our finances and make each and every decision together.

So in light of Sheryl Sandberg, and her great success as a woman, I encourage all women out there regardless of income level to care about their finances. It does not mean that you have to manage your finances day-to-day, just care about understanding them. You might pay someone to manage your finances, your husband might handle them, but set up a time each week or month to review your finances with whoever is handling them. Make a point to understand how much you are spending, and how you are saving. If you do not, to me it is like having someone take care of your children, yet you do not know their style. Which means you do not really know what is happening, right? I agree with Steinberg, all women should feel confident managing their money so that they are able to live life on their own terms.

What do you think?

A little wedding cake ten years later?

Posted by random olio

My wedding was different. We both wanted it that way. We wanted it to be about us. The focus was about two distinct and unique individuals coming together to take vows to spend our life with each other. We did not want to get caught up in making other family and friends happy, or to cater to everyone’s little need. I have seen it happen so many times, where the bride and groom get so sucked into the wedding and party afterwards that they forget to breathe and remember why they are bringing their lives together. The most important moments of a wedding day is not what you look like, if your hair looks perfect, or if your mom is happy, but those precious moments when you promise to keep your vows. That is what a wedding is truly about, the vow and promises that are the beginning steps of a marriage.

Now that you have heard my rant and thoughts about a wedding, you can probably guess that Chris and I got married just the two of us. We did not elope per se, because we alerted folks that we were going to run off to the beach in Hawaii to make our promises to each other at sunset. Getting married with just your life partner in tow might not be for everyone, but it was so right for us. We still comment on how perfect it was for us, and have not regrets.

Yet a few things could have been easier. Those things had nothing to do with our vows, or family, or even because we almost missed our appointment to obtain our marriage license. The parts I might do differently were the silly, unnecessary wedding details. My dress. A cake.

the cake made for our after wedding party

Finding a dress was complicated. At the time, I could choose a big ass dress from David’s Bridal, spend more than I was on my wedding and get something unique, or do what I did and purchase a dress at Banana Republic for $100. There was not a wedding dress line at J. Crew or Banana Republic at the time. I know I might sound old, or many other women before me might say that I had more options than they did, but whatever they may say, the options are now endless.

When I recently came across the website: Loverly, a Pinterest site of sorts that specifically focuses on weddings, I thought: “Bummer, wish such a site was available when I got married.” Sure, theknot.com was around, but it was more for creating a website and registry pages. There was not a pin board type site where you could find endless creative ideas. Even though I have been married for almost ten years, I recently had so much fun exploring the different boards on Loverly. We did not have a wedding cake, instead a very generous friend made a cake for us for a party after we got married. It tasted amazing.

Maybe for our upcoming tenth anniversary, I will have a cake made, invite friends over, and eat to our hearts content. The dress, well in the end, mine was perfect for a beach wedding.

How do you make your money decisions?

Posted by random olio

Do you talk with your spouse about money? I do, but I know it is not necessarily the norm. I am what you might call a money freak. Even so, I have relaxed over the past year. I am maybe now more of just a fiend rather than a freak. Growing up without many things has made me keenly aware of where I spend my money, and yet, that only matters if Chris and I are on the same page about money.

We were not always on the same page. It is something that has evolved over time. The evolution has happened because we talk. We talk about most purchases. Some of you might say that is a bit over the top, and yes it might be. Regardless of whether it is extreme, it works for us. There is no ill will about what either of us has purchased because we both agreed on it before dropping the credit card. You might ask, “Do you talk about every single purchase?” The answer is no. For the most part we do not talk about the normal everyday purchase, like grocery items, but we do talk about most purchases over $100. It means there is no resentment, and it is easy. It is as simple as sending each other a text if we want to make a larger purchase. If the other is not sure, we wait until we can have a regular conversation.

Why does it work? It works because we have a few rules, and it is grounded on a sense of respect for the other individual and their opinion. We have shared finances, so we believe that we have a shared stake in the decisions on how we spend that shared money. One of the first rules we have is that we do not spend outside our means. If we cannot afford it, we do not make the purchase. It would have to be an emergency for us to spend outside our means. I strongly believe that if you buy only what you can afford, you will have a lot less stress in your life, and if you take that stand you will feel more like you, then living outside of who you are. The result of living within what we can afford, means not living off of our credit cards. Whatever we charge must be paid in full when the bill arrives. It feels more honest and true to who we are, when you can actually pay for your purchase.

This is what works for us. It is in no way a judgement for how others make their money decisions. I found this older LearnVest post about how a couple handles their money decisions. I liked this line:

“Because of our open running dialogue about our finances, we never argue about money, unlike most couples.”

It is true. Honesty with open communication means little to no arguments about money. It does not mean that the conversations are always easy, but it does mean you are connected about how you want to live your life, spend your money, and engage in the world together.

What works for you?

*UPDATE* Wow. I am in a bit of shock. In full transparency, everything I just wrote about apparently happens only 99% of the time. In the time it took me to write this post, my husband strayed from our agreed-upon protocol for the first time in over 10 years and made a large purchase without discussing the final details together first. Although the purchase was made with the best of intentions, he knew better and got an earful from me. No, not because I’m a hard-ass and felt the urge to raise my voice, but because he should have had a simple, open dialogue about it first, come to an agreement, and then dropped the cash. #stilllearningtogether #patienceplease

Women are badass!

Posted by random olio

The statistics are overwhelming. Violence against women is horrifying. The number of rapes, sexual acts against women, and physical or domestic violence against women is beyond believable. Yet it happens every moment of every day.

Today I do not want to talk about the violence. I do not want to think about rape or hatred against women. I want to think about love. I want to think about all the men that adore their wives, girlfriends, and daughters. I want to think about the laughter, the joy, and of all the men that encourage the women in their lives to be their badass selves. Those are the men we need to champion. Those are the men that need to stand tall and be an example for violent men. You can be a man and love your woman. You can be a man and be head over heels for your woman. Love her. Cuddle her. Allow her badass self to shine through and bless the world.

I am one of those women. My man lets my badass self shine through. He lets me be ME. Even if I sometimes makes him blush by being myself. Even if I may embarrass him. I get to be me.

Today is International Women’s Day. To all men out there, let your women shine. Let them be free. Let them be their authentic selves. Cherish them. Love them. Pamper them. To all women out there. Shine. Be free. Pamper yourself. Pamper other women. Today is a day to hug, love, and appreciate womanhood.

This song was just released today. It is called: “One Woman.”