Never Settle.

Posted by random olio

I have VERY high expectations. I really do. Ask Chris any day and he will vigorously shake his head and potentially roll his eyes. I want things to be good, well not good, but great, amazing, superb, and I will not settle for less. I will do whatever I can to make things happen. I have often wondered what made me cultivate such high expectations? I think some folks desire amazing cars, or worldly adventurous experiences. I just expect the best out of everyone I meet. So? What is wrong with that?

I am in the middle of reading: “Coming Clean” by Kimberly Rae Miller. It is about her life growing up with hoarder parents. A fascinating read and compelling memoir as it makes me think about strange happenings with families. While my parents were definitely not hoarders, my dad kept a lot of junk and I think that has evolved to why I am such a minimalist today. I just do not like to live around stuff, I want my surroundings to be about what is necessary, and what helps me thrive in my space. I wonder if my minimalist nature was living around meaningless “stuff” that just filled empty space? Is that what motivates hoarders, a way to fill a void? I do not know, but this section of her book about never settling resonated with me:

“I had taken the promise I made my mother seriously, making a mantra out of never settle, repeating the two words in my head over and over again when I wasn’t sure whether to do the smart thing or the scary thing. Never settle echoed on and on in my head during the days I was locked in a closet sorting headshots, a requirement of my internship at the agency.” page 129

I wholeheartedly agree with Miller. I never want to settle, instead of being resistant to change, I am resistant to settling. I will go at a problem from hundreds of ways before I will give up or settle. Ultimately if I settle it is because I really do not care about the outcome. Sort of like which direction the toilet paper hangs (well for some of you that might not be an issue you would ever settle on). For me, it is just toilet paper, but there are other items in my life that I would never settle on, like a job, or a spouse, my home, or my friends. We should never settle on the important things in life.

I have not finished reading this book, so you might hear from me again about the further inspiration I have gained. For those of you that decide to settle, especially because you think that you are not worth it. Debunk that myth. Stop settling. Just stop.

How often do you act like a victim?

Posted by random olio

I was thinking recently how so often in life we act like victims. We want everyone to wallow in what we do not have, what transgressions have hit our days – the “poor me” mantra. Think about it, how many times do you think “poor me” and want to tell others so they can potentially get on board with your poopy and negative day? How is that helpful?

There are a lot of things I could share about my life that folks would think “wow how do you do it?” I lost my parents when I was 16 (mom) and 21 (dad) and that has meant that a lot of my life has been parentless. You could call me an orphan. I do not have a large extended family. I have a sister and brother, and of course my husband’s family, but as families go mine is small. I could look at that and say “poor me.” Or, I could look at that and think this is my life, this is the hand I was dealt, and how am I going to handle it? As evident in my blog post: Suck the life out of your day, I believe that whatever hand you are dealt, deal with it, and live it to the fullest.

Yes, I think make the most out of what you are handed. Sometimes we take the heat in our home life. Say your spouse is in a phase at work where they have to work crazy hours, so you take the slack at home, making sure your house is stays clean, things are fixed, food is purchased so that the other spouse does not have to think about those day-to-day tasks. The scale might later shift to the other spouse and the tides shift and the roles change. To me that is part of the ebb and flow of life.

Maybe it is a work environment that you do not like, or does not feel right. Sometimes we have to be patient and wait out the tough times and know that sometimes things are happening under the surface. Sort of like how my spring flowers have been growing these past months and last week I saw their stems poke out of the earth, and yesterday I even found a few had bloomed. Sometimes all the trying and tough times lead to a time of growth and color.

Can you look within yourself? Do you act like a victim? Or, do you divert such conversations to ones that are positive, helpful, and meaningful, rather than hoping folks will side with a victim mentality and go there with you? What do you think?

Words Matter

Posted by random olio

Have you ever thought about how words matter? Writing is my world. Yes, I have other strengths and focuses, but at the end of the day, if I could do what I wanted it would be to write, play on the potter’s wheel, bring out a blow torch and do encaustic paintings, oh the list goes on and always tends to involve creative outputs. Words, though, dictate so much. You can provide a visual explanation of art through a painting, but to me words can bluntly or eloquently tell folks what you really think. They matter. They change emotions, moods, and communicate a variety of informative details.

Words alone do nothing. They have to be interspersed with tone, intention, care, and purpose. Without the emotion and care words have meaning but they stand alone. Sometimes even with the best intentions, how words are communicated can turn individuals away, make them feel guarded, alone, separate. With the best intentions and carefully crafted, words can make individuals feel included, respected, and valued. Words matter.

I am passionate about the selection of words, their meaning, and their intent. I think about it for almost every email I draft, every communication I write — whether for work, or among friends. I wonder, though, do we all think about our words and their effects on those around us? Do we write to make others feel inspired, engaged, and excited about what they are reading? Sometimes. Other times our words fall on deaf ears because we do not communicate well. We miss moments and opportunities to have a direct connection with our reader.

Yes, words matter. Think about that as you draft that next email, communication, blog post, Facebook post, whatever vehicle you use to share your ideas. You might find, as you focus on the words, you receive a different response from your reader.

Beds and crisp, clean sheets, ahhh…

Posted by random olio

I was talking to a friend yesterday over lunch and we discussed a plethora of topics, but one that I kept thinking about later in the day was our shared excitement over having clean sheets. I know what you might be thinking. “Are you seriously going to write about sheets?” Yes, I am. “Why?” Because it is one of the best things ever. “Really??” Yes, really.

Call me a dork, but there are a few little things in life that make me feel relaxed, grounded, and completely at home. One of those things is crawling into a bed with clean, tight sheets at the end of a long week and weekend. There is something fulfilling about it. Kind of like that first day of your stay at a hotel before you have lived in it for a week, except in my opinion my bed is far better than most hotel beds.

Beds. Yes, let me just tell you about my bed snobbery. I am in no way ashamed about it. Think about how many hours you spend in your bed each day. If we each got a good night sleep, we would potentially be in bed for 8 hours a night. That would be 1/3 of our entire day. On weekends you might get even more sleep. It is my opinion that a bed is worth spending good money on in order to find one of good quality. Think about how much money we spend on a car, and I sit in my car for maybe 30 minutes a day, yet I spend more time in my bed. Food for thought?

So back to sheets. If you have a good bed, then you cannot skimp on sheets. The quality also needs to be outstanding. It is what your skin touches all night. They should be soft, appropriate for your body temperature (flannel if you get cold, lighter cotton if you sleep hot), pillows, comforters, they all matter for that perfect night of sleep. Feathers, faux feathers, down, faux down, there are so many options but at the end of the day what is it about your bed that makes you crawl in, decompress, let your body relax, and you fall into a fitful night of sleep?

For me it all starts with the bed, and those clean crisp sheets. Absolute bliss.

Valentine’s Day: Every Damn Day

Posted by random olio

Roses are red, violets are blue, I have something to say, yes, I am not a fan of Valentine’s Day. Aw hell I am not a poet, I cannot write poetry, and…

…I have never been a fan of Valentine’s Day. It probably started back in younger years when our schools would do a Valentine’s Gram delivery of roses + candy, and you always wondered whether or not you would receive one, whether it was from a friend, or a boy. I have high expectations, just ask Chris. On our first Valentine’s Day (I cannot remember if it was while dating or our first married Valentine’s Day), Chris was traveling and sent me flowers. They were tulips and when I opened the box, the flowers were dead. It was not Chris’ fault, but I was livid. I remember being quite clear that he never “send” me flowers again. He has honored my request.

Why does it make me happy to not receive flowers on Valentine’s Day by my amazing husband? On that very first Valentine’s Day together, I very clearly remember discussing it with him and telling him how much I detest Hallmark holidays. I just am not a fan. Why should corporate America tell us when we should shop, spend money, and love on our loved ones? It is bullshit. EVERYDAY should be a day that we love and pamper our loved ones. It does not mean that we have to give gifts, in fact I am actually not interested in gifts. I care more about how we treat, care, and love each other every single day of the year.

So, Chris and I do not celebrate Valentine’s Day. Yes, we might make a fun dinner together, and spend time together, but we do that every night that we possibly can. Yes, call us sappy, but see I still feel like I am in my honeymoon phase. I get excited to see my husband at the end of the day, and can text him near the end of the day to ask “when can we leave so I can see you, and oh, what is for dinner.” We might not have a relationship that is like many others, and we do not yet have kids, but we are close, tight, and well-connected. There are days that I worry about what bringing kids into the mix will do to our marriage, and I know it will be different, tough, precious, and make us grow in different ways. I digress, I still completely dislike Valentine’s Day. Who wants to fight over a table at a restaurant and pay double the price for a meal just so you can say you took out your loved one on Valentine’s Day? Why not do that once a month, or week? Why not find different ways to keep that love alive regardless of it being February 14?

So I veto Valentine’s Day, instead I think every damn day is Valentine’s Day. Every day should be about doting, loving, and finding ways to make the world better for your loved one. Love them so damn much. Hug them hard, cuddle with them, and do not, I repeat, DO NOT forget to tell how them how much you love them EVERY DAMN DAY.