Childhood, Nightgowns, and JCPenney’s

Posted by random olio

Over the weekend, I finished reading: “Still Points North” by Leigh Newman. A memoir about Newman’s Alaskan childhood. When I read this line, my mind wandered to my own childhood, my grandma, and JCPenney’s:

“Only then do I realize about her nightgown. It’s bunched around her chest, almost to her neck–a classic Nana bed garment; creamy JCPenney satin with a froth of French lace at the neck. She has drawers and drawers of them; they’re her trademark, along with the kimonos and martinis and hot-silver hair.” page 202

I do not know how many of you grew up with a JCPenney’s in your town. When I was young it was always exciting when the JCPenney’s Christmas catalog came in the mail, where you could go through pages and pages of toys and see what you might want to add to your Christmas list. Looking back though, I am not sure I ever really received anything from the catalog, but I guess it was always the dream of it.

What I remember most about JCPenney’s was my grandma and her nightgowns. She always wore a specific kind. It was silky soft, and usually was a subtle pink or blue. Nothing too exciting, but she always purchased them at JCPenney’s. It is funny as I look back how consistent my grandma was, how even, and routined she lived her life. I see a lot of that in me, and yet, I also like to try new things. Sometimes because of the adventure, and sometimes I do not have a choice. You know what it is like when your favorite t-shirt is no longer made or the company makes it but not out of the same fabric? So you have to move on and try something new. Sometimes the new version you find is actually better than what you were stuck to, and other times you never find a backfill that will ever compare.

My grandma would also wear these atrocious cotton robes. Although, she called them housecoats. They were hideous. I would never have wanted to be caught wearing one. The cotton felt harsh on your skin, but it was what she wanted. She would get up in the morning put the housecoat over her nightgown then put on her slippers and often wore that outfit for a good part of the day. Until she decided it was time to put clothes on, or because she was leaving the house.

Each time Chris and I would visit her, we would make sure to make a trip to JCPenney’s to pick up a new nightgown and housecoat for her. I knew I could never buy them anywhere else as she would not wear them. It would either sit in her drawer, or she would berate me to return it right away. Even when she was in the last few months and weeks of her life, Chris and I made the trip to JCPenney’s to see what we could find for her.

I have been to a JCPenney’s once or twice since my grandma died, but not for my usual grandma sleepwear purchase. Chris and I found that they have a great blinds section. Even so, anytime I see a JCPenney’s ad I think of my grandma and her nightgowns.

Proof that you are loved.

Posted by random olio

I recently finished reading a book called: “Proof of Heaven” by Eben Alexander. It is an interesting book. I wanted to share one of the quotes from Alexander’s book that most resonated with me:

“You are loved. Those words are what I needed to hear as an orphan, as a child who’d been given away. But it’s also what every one of us in this materialistic age needs to hear as well, because in terms of who we really are, where we come from, and where we’re really going, we all feel (wrongly) like orphans.” Page 170

The author was adopted and at one point in his life had tried to find his birth parents, only to be told they were not interested in meeting him. He felt like an orphan all over again. Yet, in many ways whether we have lost our parents or not, if we do not feel loved, the result feels orphan-like. I had a professor in college that used to tell me: “You are loved, loving, lovable, needed, wanted, and useful. Right now.” She somehow always knew when I needed to hear those words. There were times in my life (college being one of them) when I did not hear the words “I love you” too often. Yet, those were the words I craved the most. We crave them when we need them the most. When you know you are loved, when you feel it, you do not question it. When you do not feel loved, you feel alone, on your own, and sometimes out in the wilderness.

It would be easy to say that you should know who you are, love yourself, and only then can you love others. That might be true, but before we can truly hold the comfort and confidence of who we are, we have to know, understand, and feel what love truly is, and what it feels like. Each individual understands what being loved feels like, some of us might have had the experience span our entire lifetime, and it might have been more intermittent for others, but we could not have continued living without understanding and knowing how being loved feels.

I often wonder if those committing evil acts today truly understood love? If they did, would they take a different road? If anger, misunderstanding, and revenge were replaced with love, the world would be a very different place.

What do you think?

Why should I trust you?

Posted by random olio

Who do you trust? I have a hard time with “trust” in general. I am working on it though. Too often growing up others made promises that they did not keep, and over time it wore me down, and has made it hard for me to trust others. There are a few people in my life that I trust without question. For a select few, I might go along with plans, and have a back-up just in case promises made to me do not come through. Is having a back-up plan a bad thing? Maybe.

This Seth Godin blog titled: “Where does our trust come from?” hit home with me. I am including the full text of his blog post here:

“Hint: it never comes from the good times and from the easy projects.

We trust people because they showed up when it wasn’t convenient, because they told the truth when it was easier to lie and because they kept a promise when they could have gotten away with breaking it.

Every tough time and every pressured project is another opportunity to earn the trust of someone you care about.”

Wow. So true. Those that I trust in my life, were there with me in the fun times and the tough times. They never hesitate to tell me what I might need to hear, even if they do not want to share it with me, or when they know they might get the wrath of my response. How do you move forward and begin to trust others again? How do you know that they will not continue to break their promises? The only answer I have is to take it each day at a time, moment by moment, and listen for what feels right to do in each situation. Maybe that is the only way to build up trust, and over time let go of the control you hold close.

Do you show up for others? Every moment of each day could be a moment where you can be there for someone else, where you can show your true colors and hopefully they trust you in return.

Don’t be a lady

Posted by random olio

There are many days where I am not a lady. I often like to think of myself as one who can hang with the guys. I can. Yet, I am all woman. One of my favorite quotes is: “Well behaved women rarely make history.” I like to think that I am one of those women who is not well-behaved. How do I do that? Well I do not like the status quo. I say what is on my mind. I like to challenge others to look at things differently. Sometimes I behave, and sometimes I do not.

Recently I found this quote from a commencement address given by Nora Ephron, where she was speaking to her alma mater, Wellesley, in 1996:

“Whatever you choose, however many roads you travel, I hope that you choose not to be a lady. I hope you will find some way to break the rules and make a little trouble out there. And I also hope that you will choose to make some of that trouble on behalf of women.”

Go Nora. I agree. If you have been reading my blog for a while, you will know that I am a feminist, a strong proponent and supporter of women’s issues. While some may think that women have it all, that we are equal to men, but in case you live in that bubble, we are not. Women still need to work together to speak up against pay inequality, gender bias, abuse against women, the list goes on. As Nora said in 1996, we need to break the rules, make a little trouble, and do it for women.

So I ask you, what are you doing to break the rules? Do you behave, or do you take a stand against gender issues? Do you raise your voice, speak out, and get others out of their bubble? Stop behaving and make history!

#Stopbeingalady

Want to Read: “Present Shock: When Everything Happens Now”

Posted by random olio

Usually I write about books I have read, but today I want to share about a book I want to read. I just read this NPR book review for: “Present Shock: When Everything Happens Now” by Douglas Rushkoff. His book is about how we are slaves to technology, i.e. slaves to our computers, phones, text messages, etc. I was intrigued by this quote in the book review:

“In my life, it’s sort of the experience of being on Facebook and seeing everyone from my past suddenly back in my present. And the inability to distinguish between who may have been friends of mine in second grade, and people who I’ve met just yesterday, and people who are actually significant relationships. That collapse of my whole life into one moment, where every ping, every vibration of my phone might just pull me out of whatever it is I’m doing, into something else that seems somehow more pressing on the moment.”

How true that is. Our online life tends to instantly suck us into this vortex of what others are doing. Are they successful? More than we are? Less? Are they happy? The constant interest and care of our “friends” status updates has made us a distracted and less focused society. It also seems to be that every email, text, voicemail, Facebook, and Tweet we receive, we are very quick to check and respond to in case we might miss out on something. Do we usually really need to react and respond so quickly? Not usually.

Later in the article Rushkoff says:

“But I think what happens is as we get more and more obsessed with those pings, we lose touch with sort of the continuity of life. We forget what it means to really just be there, looking in someone else’s eyes rather than down at our phone while we’re at a meal. And I guess a lot of what I’m trying to do with this book is to give people permission to take back their time.”

Chris and I usually (depending on what might be happening in life or work), remind each other to put our phones away when we go out to dinner. We are paying to have a meal out, so we should be sure to give each other our full attention. Do we do that at home? Sometimes. I never thought of it in the words: “Take back their time.” It makes me ponder in my thought other times during the day. Do you look at your phone when you are in a meeting? When you are talking with someone one-on-one? While walking to a meeting in a different building? Do you look at your phone when you are bored? Waiting in your car at an intersection? What if we were to take those moments to be quiet? To listen, or to meditate? Would we be happier? Or does checking our phone each time we hear it ding, whistle, or beep make us feel at peace?

Be sure to read the above article to learn more about what Rushkoff calls: digiphrenia