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Human Microcosm: Jury Duty

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I spent yesterday in Jury Duty. It is such an interesting human experiment to see the different types of individuals that live in your county. You witness a mixture of age ranges, ethnic backgrounds, socio-economic ranges, not to mention differing degrees of education. Somehow I have been to jury duty at least four times in the last ten years, yet my husband has been once. How is that even possible? They told us yesterday that selection is completely random, and that you can only serve every two years. I feel like they summon me the day after my two-year mark renews.

(c) ConklinJury Duty fascinates me for a few reasons. First, I love to people watch, and am always curious how individuals are going to react in different situations. During college I debated about going to law school, and while that never happened, jury duty is my closest connection to a courtroom. Lastly, I believe that as Americans there are very few things we are asked to do as citizens, and jury duty is one of them. If I was ever in a trial by jury, I would want to know that I was having a fair trial, and so I feel that it is my responsibility to do the same if I was ever selected for a jury panel.

The verdict from my day at jury duty? After many hours of sitting, plus a horrible video about the judicial system in my county, I was selected as the third individual on a panel for a criminal theft case. I was sitting front row, center. Each lawyer asked us quite a few questions, and based on the answers it showed clearly that many of us had a vague understanding of law, probable cause, etc. In the end, I was the third juror to be allowed to go home. We never find out why we are not selected, but my assumption is that my passionate answer to one of their questions threw me out of the running. Many times people try to get out of jury duty, but due to my increased curiosity that was not my intent.

The jury room coordinator was right when she told us that you start the day with the extreme desire to leave and go about your life, but that once you are in a courtroom that desire vanishes and you find that you want to know more. It was bittersweet for me. It was nice to know I would not have to stay late into the evening (they warned us this case would either go late, or resume again today), but once you are engaged in the process there is a craving to know more. In the end, I can only hope they found the right jurors for the case.

I am free of my civic duty for another two years, so if my streak continues I will be back at the courthouse on April 13, 2015.

Do you have any jury duty experiences to share?

I am a food bore.

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I am a food bore. Yes, I said it. I eat mostly the same thing every day. You have probably heard me mention that a few times. I think my colleagues might think I am strange. I have the same salad every day. The same (well one of two different smoothies) each morning. It works for me. The only place I have any variety is dinner.

Someone mentioned to me the other day about the drama of food indecision. It was an A-HA moment for me. That is why I have a boring food regimen. I would rather have a scheduled food day then be indecisive. There are so many other things I do not have control over during the day, that not having to think about what food I am going to have for breakfast or lunch makes things easier. Do you ever struggle with that? Often, when I did not plan out my breakfast and lunch, it meant I just ate a lot of crap in between. I would be so busy I would forget to eat lunch and then later eat most of a bag of chips.

Recently Chris and I did a detox, where we took out all the junk we had become so used to eating from the holidays. The mochas, chips, desserts, larger sized meals, etc. We decided to wait until after the Super Bowl, because who wants to watch the Super Bowl, and know you are not allowed to eat anything in the commercials (even if you never would want it in the first place). It is the fourth time we have done this specific detox, and each time it is easier and easier to do. It reminds me of how often we put so much power into the food we eat. When we remove all the crap from our diet and eat more fruits and vegetables, we begin to not want all the junk. Each time I have done this detox, I have ended it craving fruits and vegetables, and yes there is usually some junk food I still want too. Yes, I confess, that junk for me would be chips.

Are you a food bore, or do you bring sass and flair to your meals each day?

Why should I trust you?

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Who do you trust? I have a hard time with “trust” in general. I am working on it though. Too often growing up others made promises that they did not keep, and over time it wore me down, and has made it hard for me to trust others. There are a few people in my life that I trust without question. For a select few, I might go along with plans, and have a back-up just in case promises made to me do not come through. Is having a back-up plan a bad thing? Maybe.

This Seth Godin blog titled: “Where does our trust come from?” hit home with me. I am including the full text of his blog post here:

“Hint: it never comes from the good times and from the easy projects.

We trust people because they showed up when it wasn’t convenient, because they told the truth when it was easier to lie and because they kept a promise when they could have gotten away with breaking it.

Every tough time and every pressured project is another opportunity to earn the trust of someone you care about.”

Wow. So true. Those that I trust in my life, were there with me in the fun times and the tough times. They never hesitate to tell me what I might need to hear, even if they do not want to share it with me, or when they know they might get the wrath of my response. How do you move forward and begin to trust others again? How do you know that they will not continue to break their promises? The only answer I have is to take it each day at a time, moment by moment, and listen for what feels right to do in each situation. Maybe that is the only way to build up trust, and over time let go of the control you hold close.

Do you show up for others? Every moment of each day could be a moment where you can be there for someone else, where you can show your true colors and hopefully they trust you in return.

Don’t be a lady

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There are many days where I am not a lady. I often like to think of myself as one who can hang with the guys. I can. Yet, I am all woman. One of my favorite quotes is: “Well behaved women rarely make history.” I like to think that I am one of those women who is not well-behaved. How do I do that? Well I do not like the status quo. I say what is on my mind. I like to challenge others to look at things differently. Sometimes I behave, and sometimes I do not.

Recently I found this quote from a commencement address given by Nora Ephron, where she was speaking to her alma mater, Wellesley, in 1996:

“Whatever you choose, however many roads you travel, I hope that you choose not to be a lady. I hope you will find some way to break the rules and make a little trouble out there. And I also hope that you will choose to make some of that trouble on behalf of women.”

Go Nora. I agree. If you have been reading my blog for a while, you will know that I am a feminist, a strong proponent and supporter of women’s issues. While some may think that women have it all, that we are equal to men, but in case you live in that bubble, we are not. Women still need to work together to speak up against pay inequality, gender bias, abuse against women, the list goes on. As Nora said in 1996, we need to break the rules, make a little trouble, and do it for women.

So I ask you, what are you doing to break the rules? Do you behave, or do you take a stand against gender issues? Do you raise your voice, speak out, and get others out of their bubble? Stop behaving and make history!

#Stopbeingalady

Want to Read: “Present Shock: When Everything Happens Now”

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Usually I write about books I have read, but today I want to share about a book I want to read. I just read this NPR book review for: “Present Shock: When Everything Happens Now” by Douglas Rushkoff. His book is about how we are slaves to technology, i.e. slaves to our computers, phones, text messages, etc. I was intrigued by this quote in the book review:

“In my life, it’s sort of the experience of being on Facebook and seeing everyone from my past suddenly back in my present. And the inability to distinguish between who may have been friends of mine in second grade, and people who I’ve met just yesterday, and people who are actually significant relationships. That collapse of my whole life into one moment, where every ping, every vibration of my phone might just pull me out of whatever it is I’m doing, into something else that seems somehow more pressing on the moment.”

How true that is. Our online life tends to instantly suck us into this vortex of what others are doing. Are they successful? More than we are? Less? Are they happy? The constant interest and care of our “friends” status updates has made us a distracted and less focused society. It also seems to be that every email, text, voicemail, Facebook, and Tweet we receive, we are very quick to check and respond to in case we might miss out on something. Do we usually really need to react and respond so quickly? Not usually.

Later in the article Rushkoff says:

“But I think what happens is as we get more and more obsessed with those pings, we lose touch with sort of the continuity of life. We forget what it means to really just be there, looking in someone else’s eyes rather than down at our phone while we’re at a meal. And I guess a lot of what I’m trying to do with this book is to give people permission to take back their time.”

Chris and I usually (depending on what might be happening in life or work), remind each other to put our phones away when we go out to dinner. We are paying to have a meal out, so we should be sure to give each other our full attention. Do we do that at home? Sometimes. I never thought of it in the words: “Take back their time.” It makes me ponder in my thought other times during the day. Do you look at your phone when you are in a meeting? When you are talking with someone one-on-one? While walking to a meeting in a different building? Do you look at your phone when you are bored? Waiting in your car at an intersection? What if we were to take those moments to be quiet? To listen, or to meditate? Would we be happier? Or does checking our phone each time we hear it ding, whistle, or beep make us feel at peace?

Be sure to read the above article to learn more about what Rushkoff calls: digiphrenia