How do you ask for help?

Posted by random olio

Do you ask others for help? It is extremely hard for me. I have always struggled with it. Part of it I believe has to do with my issues with trusting others, and whether they will actually come through for me, but the rest I think results from having to do so much on my own at such an early age. I lost my parents when I was young, but most specifically my mom. I was just two months past 16 when she died. My sister was a strong force in my life, but at the end of the day she had her own life to live, and I was without a mom. My mom was sick for many years before she passed on, so I became resourceful early on. I learned that if I wanted something I would have to figure out how to attain it on my own.

Many years later I have wondered if my attempts to attain goals has been rooted in that early life dilemma to ruthlessly figure it out on my own. I rarely ask for help and, often, when I do, if I do not like what I hear, I pave my own way, steamroller and all. That does not mean that I steamroll others, more that I am going to do what I have set my mind to do.

Recently I read the book: “The Dance of Connection” by Harriet Lerner, and she shares an experience with a woman I think I would relate to:

“But this very same woman has enormous difficulty sharing her feelings of vulnerability with anyone close to her. A real do-it-yourself, she rarely acknowledges her own need for help and support. While she intellectually believes in the healing power of confiding in others, she herself is no good at it. As the eldest child of alcoholic parents, she had no experience of voicing her emotional needs and having them met. As an adult, she gains deep satisfaction from her capacity to give generously and to take care of others, but she is profoundly guarded against letting anyone return the favor. When she does share a serious problem, it’s as if she’s fiercely sweeping the ground in front of her to keep the other person from getting near her or emotionally connecting with her pain.” Page 42

There are countless times when I would go out and help anyone and everyone, but if asked if they can return the favor, I am at a loss for words. Partly, it is that the offer is freaky to me. I am not used to others asking if they can be of help. It is also that I am as the author says, “sweeping the ground” to keep others at a distance. I have often wondered if there is a way to put down the broom, and let others in. It is not easy, but I try to leave the broom in the garage, and invite others in, it just does not happen every time.

Any tips to keeping the dirt on the porch, and the offers open?

Paper book or e-Reader?

Posted by random olio

I am torn. Or maybe you should call me old school. I like to read from the actual book. I have not been able to transport myself into the world of the eReader. The last time I checked my local library they did not have that many options available for eReaders. Call me cheap, but due to the high volume of books I read each year, I cannot justify purchasing every book that I read. Thus, I continue to kick it old school, and read from the paper copy itself. But, I still keep going back and forth, paper book or eReader? Should I convert?

my current library books

There have definitely been times when I have opened up a library book and been grossed out. Dead bugs, human or pet hair, food crumbs, and other stains. Yet, what I appreciate about the nasty grossness left from the previous borrower is that the book was loved, enjoyed and used. Someone might have been snuggling with their dog, in their favorite chair while reading the book. Another just made an amazing meal and could not put down their book, wine, and cheese. Whatever the situation, there is a history and a past to each book, and I am a part of that history.

I do often think how handy it would be to have each book on the iPad. Whenever I travel I think about the many books I try to stuff into my suitcase at the last minute. Or when I am out waiting for someone I tend to bring a book along, but maybe I should just bring my iPad. Not to mention the many, many trips we make to the library each month (whether to pick up or return library books). I am often looking at a computer screen all day and have less desire to snuggle up with that novel using another mobile device.

So my dilemma still stands. What are the pros and cons of letting of switching to an eReader? For those of you that have made the leap, what made you do it? Are you glad you have gone to the other side? Do you miss anything about picking up a book?

Please share I am curious what you think!

Book Reviews in 140 Characters

Posted by random olio

When I find a good thing I want to share it. Somehow the other day I came across this blog from Julien Smith. When I read his blog post, I knew I wanted to share it, as it is a different way of summarizing so many books in 140 characters. I found quite a list of books that I have not read and want to read. I just picked up “On Writing Well” at the library, and look forward to reading it and seeing what I can learn to develop my writing further. “Six Pixels of Separation” is also on my bookshelf waiting to be read.

Here are a few from his list I recommend:

Stumbling on Happiness
Crush It!
Your Money or Your Life
Switch
The Art of Eating In
The Creative Habit
A Million Miles in a Thousand Years
5 Love Languages
The Art of Non-Conformity
The Happiness Project
Program or Be Programmed
The Thank You Economy
The War of Art
Evil Plans
Accidental Genius
The Power of Eye Contact
Any Seth Godin book (many listed on Julien’s list)

Here are a few others I have added to my list to read:

The Myth of Multitasking
Not Always So
What Should I Do with My Life?
Enough
She Comes First
50 50
Presentation Zen (I have to use PowerPoint a lot at work, always looking for new ideas)
When I Say No, I Feel Guilty
Status Anxiety
The Architecture of Happiness
Shop Class as Soulcraft
Rework
The End of Food
Good Calories, Bad Calories
Emotional Intelligence 2.0

Julien, I also love the image on your site with the fan and the older radiator. Like I said earlier – a clever idea. Thank you for sharing your book reviews in 140 characters.

Weekend Recap // National Library Week

Posted by random olio

What a wonderful weekend! Chris’ parents were here for the weekend and we packed in lots of walking, talking, and of course eating. After taking them to the airport, Sunday afternoon was a nap, movie for Chris, and a nice long run for me. Gratefully we had sun this weekend, and it seemed that all Portlanders were outside, many in a t-shirt and shorts which made me cold, the sun was out but it was not super warm. Yet.

So this week is National Library Week (April 8 – April 14). I can remember going to the library when I was little. I do not know how old I was when I started checking out books, but I can remember going in the summer and telling them which books I read, and getting to put stickers on the wall for the summer reading club. I was also involved in the “Book It” program with Pizza Hut. I cannot remember if this was with my school or my local library, but I just looked it up and it is still active. I remember meeting certain reading goals, and then getting a coupon to go to Pizza Hut for a free personal pizza. As a kid I did not get to go for pizza often, so I thought it was the coolest thing to read books and get free pizza!

I now go to my local library weekly, almost as often as I frequent the grocery store. I am either returning books or picking up new ones. At the moment I have 20 books sitting on the shelf to be read. Since you can place books on hold electronically, I am at the mercy of when it is my turn for a specific book. This is my system: My library allows books to be checked out for 3 weeks. For a book where there are a lot of holds, and I know I will not be able to renew it after 3 weeks, I move that to the top of my list to read. For older books where there are not any holds and many copies available, I know I will be able to renew it so it goes lower down in my stack. I am so grateful for our local libraries, I have saved a ton of $$ not purchasing books and I have just finished my 39th book for 2012.

You can find more details about National Library Week events in your area at this link.

Since I am on the topics of libraries and books, I have an odd thing to share. This was in the book I was reading this weekend. It says: “I’ve been gone a lot from library (smiley face) doctors appts.” Was it planted there for the next reader? For the library? Who knows, but very random! It sounds like something I would write when I wake up in the middle of the night and make notes on the pad of paper by my bed. I have been known to write some random things in the middle of the night!