What it must have been like for my Dad

I was reading a book recently, where the character reminded me of my dad.

After my parents got divorced my dad moved from a bad house to an even worse house. At one time he was even living in a barn. I saw his space. He slept on a cot, and had his clothes in milk crates. There was another place that he would never take me too. I never understood why. Now looking back I see it was his pride. In many ways I am glad he never showed me. I am a visual person and it would be imprinted in my thoughts. I still remember how strange it was to see my dad inside the barn stall. His friend let him stay there when he had no where else to go.

dad’s home away from home

At the time he lived in Indiana, and it was the early 90’s. I cannot imagine rent was that expensive, and yet he did not have the money. I remember one house he lived in, had mice. Yes, many homes have mice, but these you would hear crawling through the walls, and they loved the kitchen. You would find their droppings in cupboards, on the counter, and on the floor. I am sure my dad hated it, but many times he did not have a choice. I know what he would tell me today. He would say: “I have a roof over my head, and food on the table and that is all that matters.”

As I type this I am crying. I wish he had a better life. If he were still alive today, maybe he would have figured some things out and found that house that he could call a home, with no mice, windows that let in the light, a dresser for his clothes, and a place to park his beloved truck. I wish I had understood back then how hard it must have been for him. To have to leave the home you have, walk away from seeing your family each night, and start out new. I wish his life had been different. I will never know what his life might have turned out like, but I can keep living and working to make mine better.

Love you, Dad.

Date a girl who reads

Posted by random olio

This quote has been spreading around Facebook. I have to share it here. It is so true. For all those book loving women out there, this post is for you. I am this girl. If you had a little camera or viewfinder into my world, you would find me with a book in the car when Chris is driving, in the bathroom when I am drying my hair, during toilet visits, curled up on the couch, in the bathtub, while I am running on the treadmill, snuggled up in bed before falling asleep, the list goes on.

Chris has lost me many times. I think he has finally given up. He knows there is no competition that can compare to an amazing book. He knows that if I am nearing the end I will want to stay up until I finish those last few pages. He might see tears in my eyes because I am so enraptured in the story, that I feel like I am there with the characters. He knows I may barter with him about something we need to do just so I can find out what happens next.

He knows he has married a woman who reads, and there is nothing he can do about it. He is smitten. He loves to watch the smile on my face when I close the back flap of a book, grinning because I liked the ending and cannot wait for a sequel. He watches for the next book that may come out from my favorite authors. He gets it.

I have copied the above link below so you can have more context for this quote I am referring to from Rosemarie Urquico:

“…If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at two a.m. clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes.“

~ From Rosemarie Urquico’s “A Girl You Should Date.”

Psst…Chris, I write too.

Paper book or e-Reader?

Posted by random olio

I am torn. Or maybe you should call me old school. I like to read from the actual book. I have not been able to transport myself into the world of the eReader. The last time I checked my local library they did not have that many options available for eReaders. Call me cheap, but due to the high volume of books I read each year, I cannot justify purchasing every book that I read. Thus, I continue to kick it old school, and read from the paper copy itself. But, I still keep going back and forth, paper book or eReader? Should I convert?

my current library books

There have definitely been times when I have opened up a library book and been grossed out. Dead bugs, human or pet hair, food crumbs, and other stains. Yet, what I appreciate about the nasty grossness left from the previous borrower is that the book was loved, enjoyed and used. Someone might have been snuggling with their dog, in their favorite chair while reading the book. Another just made an amazing meal and could not put down their book, wine, and cheese. Whatever the situation, there is a history and a past to each book, and I am a part of that history.

I do often think how handy it would be to have each book on the iPad. Whenever I travel I think about the many books I try to stuff into my suitcase at the last minute. Or when I am out waiting for someone I tend to bring a book along, but maybe I should just bring my iPad. Not to mention the many, many trips we make to the library each month (whether to pick up or return library books). I am often looking at a computer screen all day and have less desire to snuggle up with that novel using another mobile device.

So my dilemma still stands. What are the pros and cons of letting of switching to an eReader? For those of you that have made the leap, what made you do it? Are you glad you have gone to the other side? Do you miss anything about picking up a book?

Please share I am curious what you think!

Vulnerability leads to intersection

Posted by random olio

A few months ago, I finished reading the book: “The Longest Way Home” by Andrew McCarthy. For those of you that do not know who McCarthy is, he first became known as an actor in “St. Elmo’s Fire” and “Pretty in Pink.” I also recently remember watching him in “Lipstick Jungle” until it was cancelled. He is now a travel writer, and his book shares many travel experiences in addition to the lead up to his second marriage. He calls his new wife: “D.” The following quote resonated with me because it is often how I operate:

“D’s willingness to emotionally invest in others and make herself vulnerable allows her to inhabit her humanity to a degree that still baffles me. Why would anyone who is so strong-willed, so self-sufficient, want to make herself vulnerable to someone else? D would say that what is most important in life is family, connection, and community. Loving someone, she will say, is the only thing that matters and is worth the price of relinquishing control.” page 63

I agree. Almost. While I might make myself vulnerable in many situations, I have a hard time relinquishing control. Emotionally investing in others and being vulnerable is how I believe you get close to others. Often I think I open up about myself, however, only in the way of sharing experiences. What is harder for me is being vulnerable in a way where I actually ask for help. Rarely do I put myself out there in that way.

My vulnerability happens by sharing what I have learned, am learning, and how the road of life intersects with someone else’s experience. True connection I believe is found by intersections. Being transparent and open about your life and your beliefs can start the march towards intimacy. As long as the other individual is willing and open to be present with that emotional vulnerability. If they are not, it can be a waste of time. Or is it?

All of this comes to me after reading his book. Vulnerability allows us to intersect our humanity. I have a hunch that we all could tap into our vulnerability, slide off that iPhone, walk away from our computer, go down the hall and connect with someone new. What would that feel like? To try to be vulnerable and intersect the life of one person each day. Share from your life experience, be vulnerable, and intersect lives. All for the vein of love, humanity, and connection.

Are you with me?

Strength, Courage, and Resilience

Posted by random olio

A few days ago I finished reading a book that just came out: “Bend, Not Break” by Ping Fu. It is about a woman who grew up during the Cultural Revolution in China, raised herself from the age of eight (as well as her four-year old sister), was later forced to leave China, went on to start a 3D rendering company, Geomagic, and has invented amazing technology that continues to evolve at a rapid pace.

I was fascinated by her story, the perseverance she showed in life, to come from terrible circumstances and educate herself, and go on to create software products that impact the lives of so many. We do not even realize the impact Fu’s products have had on us. She created the software technology that makes Invisalign, can scan a plane to determine what issues it might have, can create replica’s of the Statue of Liberty in case it needs to be rebuilt. The list goes on, and I encourage you to read her book to learn more about Geomagic. I was fascinated.

Her life story has inspired me to realize that we can always do more. With each hurdle in her personal or professional life, she creatively found a way to get through it all. It might not have been the right way from the perspective of those around her, but they were her decisions and choices. I love an idea that Fu shared called “Three Friends of Winter.” It is often found in art in China. She speaks of this idea a few times throughout her book. It was told to her by her Shanghai Papa (more details about him when you read her memoir). This is a stream of a conversation with Fu and Shanghai Papa (I have put all the ideas together to make the conversation shorter):

“There are three friends of winter: the pine tree, the plum blossom, and bamboo. Pine trees are strong. They remain happy and green throughout the year. In the unbearable heat of summer and the severe cold of winter, they stand unperturbed. The crimson petals of the plum blossom gleam brilliantly against the white snow. The ability to bloom in the midst of misfortune suggests dignity and forbearance under harsh circumstances. Bamboo is flexible, bending with the wind but never breaking, capable of adapting to any circumstance. It suggests resilience, meaning that we have the ability to bounce back from even the most difficult times.” page 10

So the pine tree, plum blossom, and bamboo are reminders to us about staying strong, courageous, and resilient. Thank you Fu for sharing your strength and life story.