A few weeks ago, I finished a book called: “The Magic Room: A Story about the Love we wish for our Daughters” by Jeffrey Zaslow. His book has been bringing out all these memories about my dad. My father passed on in 2000. My father/daughter experience had its ups and downs, probably much like many others. There were times when he was present in my life and then later he was not around for many years, and then after my mom passed on, he was back in my life for a few years. There were many times when I felt more like the parent in the situation, when he would call and talk to me for hours (focus on him doing the talking). As I have pondered my relationship with my dad, I think I have realized that my most favorite memories of my dad were when I was a child.

Do you ever remember when you would come back from a car trip asleep and one of your parents would carry you into bed? I loved that. I loved it so much that I would purposely look like I was asleep so he would carry me into my bed. Eventually as I got older they would just leave me in the car and I would either wake up (if I was really asleep) or I would grudgingly walk to my bed (how bummed I was).

Another memory I have was reading books with my dad. I have fond memories of sitting on our living room couch (which was always covered with dog hair), and reading to my dad with our dog Ginger laying next to us. I also remember playing lots of board games. Our family played board games often, and I can remember trying hard to learn the rules early on so that I could be sure I would be allowed to play. Often I won, and I think my trying so hard to be a participant made me continue to want to win, which resulted in a competitive streak (that my sister would say has not ended).

me and my dad

Miss you dad.

I just finished reading “Situations Matter: Understanding How Context Transforms Your World” by Sam Sommers. The background of Sommers’ entire book is that the context of situations matter. He believes that if we think differently about how we see the world and are more observant and aware that we will be more effective in our jobs, with our co-workers, family, and community. He talks about understanding others and the context of situations we are in, as well as, how so many of us exhibit inaction and indifference.

Do you like to put yourself in someone else’s shoes? Does it help you to see the full context of the situation? Sommers states: “Force yourself to see familiar situations from unfamiliar perspectives. Everyday, make yourself walk the proverbial mile in the proverbial shoes of others.” (page. 40) Yes, yes, yes. It is something I often hear myself saying: “Put yourself in their shoes.” (With the person I am talking to cringing a bit). I cannot remember if it was an idea my parents always said, but it is something that has been ingrained in my thinking.

We usually do not know what the other person is going through, their background, problems, stress, etc. Attempting to look at a situation or dilemma from another’s point of view helps us to think about the way they may approach a situation. Did they take a certain path because of x, y, and/or z? At the very least, putting yourself in another’s shoes encourages compassion. You take a step back, take a moment to breathe, and look at the situation from different angles before responding. This way you are not reacting from the spur of the moment.

these shoes might be hard to put yourself in...

Another part of Situation Matters that I felt was helpful is when he talks about indifference and inaction. He asks us how do we respond to issues we see on a daily basis. Do you report a pothole? Do you alert a store when there is a spill or mess, or do you hope someone else has or will? Do we want to make our community better? Or do we have too much going on to care?

While my husband and I are not saints, we have vowed to do what we can to speak up in our jobs, with our families, etc in hopes that our taking a stand means the next person, co-worker, colleague, and family member can have a better experience one situation at a time. Often that means that we need to put ourselves in another’s shoes to decide if we should take a stand. Does the person need help? Do they want it? Should management know of repetitive issue that needs to be resolved? If we do not say anything, will anyone else? Being the one to take a stand is hard. It does not always make you more likable by others, but at least you are sticking to your values and convictions.

We can each do better to think about another’s situation and to be sure to speak up and take action! Even if I am doing it in my home life, and was doing it in my work life, I can still do better to take a stand in my community. Are you putting yourself in other people’s shoes? Where in your life can you take a stand and take action?!

Wow, what a conversation starter. How would you answer this question? I found it last week while reading: Accidental Genius by Mark Levy. It is a great book about using “freewriting” to solve business issues. I think the author’s ideas about freewriting can also be expanded into solving everyday life issues/questions. It might not work for all (especially if you are not into writing) but the idea of writing freely about product dilemmas, to what is bugging you, or how you are blocked can open the door to ideas and direction that can lead you to the answers you need. Often through writing we find a path or direction we had not thought about when we were processing the dilemma in our thoughts. Seeing it on paper can make you look at the issue differently.

I digress (sorry this tends to happen when there is always so much going on in my mind). Back to my question from his book: “What is the most important thing you know?”

It is a tough question to answer because there are so many ways it could be answered. At times when we are presented with such a big question, it can feel hard to answer because we want to make our answer sound so eloquent or well thought out. We want to sound wise, or worldly. So I am not going to think about eloquence or worldliness. My answer today is: (and not to sound cliche), that love is the most important thing. It is more important than the job we do, the amount of money we make, where we went to school, where we live…without love we have not lived.

We each have our own story to tell about love. Some stories might seemingly end with the loss of a loved one, a breakup, an ended friendship. Or they might show the depth of love through a long time marriage or partnership, through a sisterhood, a friendship since kindergarten. Some of our stories might be sad or hard to hear, but that is how we learn and grow from each other. I actually like those stories, the ones that show you have been through hell and come out of it not only in one piece, but shinier, happier, stronger, and more confident. I also love the stories that show us joy, laughter, and happiness. Both the tough stories and the joyous ones show us the ‘aliveness’ of life.

"Just be love" - on San Diego sidewalk

So how would you answer the question: “What is the most important thing you know?”

“Writing is how we ‘right’ our world.”  Aw man, Julia Cameron, you hit the nail on the head. I finished reading “The Sound of Paper” (the book mentioned in this post last week) and went back to look over all the pages I tabbed. You may know Julia from what I think of as her most famous work, “The Artist’s Way.” It has been a while since I have read one of Julia’s books, but in line with the free time I have these days, it felt just right to pick up one of her newer books (“The Prosperous Heart” is also on my shelf from the library, which just came out last month). I have always loved writing, as a child in a creative way, and as I got older in the professional world. Words synthesized together make sense to me. Maybe it is strange to say that when words flow, life just feels more together. When ideas sync, it is a triumph. I have found over the past few years, that there is always so much in my head, and writing has been the way I have made sense of my world, my daily life, my relationships. For 2011, I made a goal for myself to write every day. The writing could be reviewing my day or writing through an issue in my mind, whatever came out, no editing. I found it so helpful, that I am continuing that goal into 2012.

I have also found it fascinating how writing is a form of documenting. I often do not read what I have written for a long time, but sometimes a thought in my mind will cement and I will remember that I wrote about it months prior and will go back and find that idea or paragraph. When I go back to find the idea I was looking for, I end up reading through older journal entries, and I am usually sucked into what else I have written during that time. It has allowed me to see how I have grown up or away from certain ideas I might have been stuck on at the time, or how I have progressed and moved forward in my relationships or my career.

a look at my journal

So, thank you, Julia.  You are right, writing is how I make my world feel right. It is how I make sense (or try to) of why certain bad things might happen, or to cherish and hold close the good things.