Communication

Decisions, decisions…

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I was driving to work the other day, when it hit me (no not a car), but a thought. We have to make decisions moment by moment throughout the day. We have to decide: do we go through the yellow light, or stop? Do we honk at the car in front of us? Do we get exasperated? Do we respond nastily to a bad situation? Do we say what another wants us to hear?

We are constantly encountering decisions that have to be made. Do we do a good job at handling them? Probably not always. Do we have a good track record? That depends on the person. Do we get burnt out on making decisions? Of course. I have days when I will tell Chris: I cannot make another decision today. I am burnt out. I do not want to weigh in on dinner or decide on what movie we might watch. I just want to have someone decide for me. It does not happen very often, but sometimes I have eaten too much of the decision meal. No room for dessert. No passing Go. I am done.

How can we feel refreshed and clear-headed in order to go back into the game of decisions? It might depend on what we do for a living. Do we have to make decisions at work, or do we mostly execute on other’s decisions? When we come home has a spouse figured out the game plan for the rest of the day or week, or is it up to us? Having to make a long list of decisions can wear anyone thin.

To recharge might mean trying to take away the long list of decisions whenever possible. Can you make decisions over the weekend that will help you not have to make them in the evenings after a long day of work? Can you plan ahead? At times when I feel overwhelmed, I try to break down the decision I have to make into smaller questions. If I can answer each of those, at times it helps with the larger decision. I am also a big proponent of justification. What I mean by that, is often I will think, if I decide this now, it will mean I will be able to do this later. If my choice means maybe sacrificing something later to get something now, then I am justifying why I made my decision. It often works for me.

What do you do to help cut down, ease, or lessen the decisions you have to make?

Security, Resilience, and the Road to your Future

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A few months ago I read: “The Start-Up of You” by Reid Hoffman (Co-founder and Chairman of LinkedIn). The context of the book is that your life is always in start-up mode, and to put the same amount of focus in your life, job, and future as you would in a start-up company. He talks often about how start-ups have to constantly refocus and realign their efforts to make sure they are going in the right direction. He explains that individuals, just the same as start-ups, have to refocus and realign our efforts to make sure the choices we are making in life are going in the right direction. One idea that resonated with me was about resilience:

“…compare a staff editor at a prestigious magazine to a freelance writer. The staff editor at a magazine enjoys a dependable income stream, regular work, and built-in network. The freelance writer has to hustle every day for gigs, and some months are better than others. The staff editor is always well fed; the freelance writer is hungry on some days. Then the day comes when print finally dies, the magazine industry collapses, and the staff editor gets laid off. Having built up no resilience, he will starve. He’s less equipped to bounce to the next thing, whereas the freelance writer has been bouncing around her whole life–she’ll be fine. So which type of career is riskier in the long run, in the age of the unthinkable?” page. 189

Are you the staff editor or the freelance writer? Have you developed the strength you may need if you are the staff editor? It made me think about the different jobs I have had, the choices I have made in my life, and whether or not I would be resilient or not. So often I think we stay in jobs for too long because of the security they bring us, but sometimes that might be a false sense of security. If we could have a window into our future, and know that if we take that risk, and put ourselves out there that everything will work out and be okay. If we had that option, the world might have more risk takers. Yet, we can do that without seeing into the future. We can have a Plan B, we can prepare ourselves to be agile, and in turn develop the resilience of the freelancer. We would bounce back with any changes that get thrown our way, think quickly, and move on to our backup plan.

Which direction will you go? Are you stuck in the security of life? Or, do you treat your life and future like a start-up, constantly changing directions as needed?

Random Olio Snippets: 2

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Amber Alert – There was an Amber Alert in Portland this week. The good news is the child was found within a few hours. While doing some research to learn what happened, I learned a few things. There is a new national initiative for alerting folks about Amber Alerts. I also admit that I did not know that “Amber Alert” was named after a girl named Amber that was abducted. I had always thought it was just an acronym, which it also is: America’s Missing: Broadcast Emergency Response. There are times when I am in awe of technology. This is one of those times. Read on:

“Unlike Wireless AMBER Alerts, the WEA AMBER Alerts use the latest technology to send messages to wireless customers with WEA-capable devices in the area where a child has been abducted, even if the wireless customer isn’t from the area. For example, if a Chicago resident was visiting Boston and a WEA AMBER Alert was issued in Boston, the subscriber would receive the alert. At the same time, if an alert was issued in Chicago, the subscriber would not receive it while in Boston.”

Lawmakers salaries go into escrow if they miss the April 15 deadline – This article from CNN Money explains what is happening with the debt ceiling. The gist of it is that the House will be voting on a bill regarding whether or not to raise the debt ceiling. If they vote to raise it, that means the government can continue to borrow money against the $16 trillion dollars that the country already has in debt. The fun part? If lawmakers do not agree to a budget resolution by April 15: “Their salaries would be held in escrow and paid out at some point later.” Fun. I wonder how much they will make in interest! In any case, it is a novel idea to get different sides to work together and come to a resolution or their pay will be frozen. Sort of like having your allowance held until you can stop bickering with your sister. Sound familiar?

Eating Ourselves to Death – I want to see this episode of Our America on OWN. The episode is called: “Generation XXL” and airs January 29, at 10/9 pm Central time. I am passionate about health for youth. Growing up I did not have access to excellent, flavorful health foods. I hated vegetables. You could not pay me to eat them. I was active as a kid, but not as much as I could have been if I had encouragement from my family, especially my parents. Obesity, especially with children, needs our attention. If you have a chance to watch this episode, let me know what you think. I will be setting the DVR.

NFC Tags – I am fascinated by these NFC tags. I had never heard of them before I read this Fast Company article. Have you heard of them? If not click the link to read the article. I cannot even begin to try to explain. Just to give you a bit of interest:

“An NFC tag placed at your desk can tell your phone to open Evernote, tether your phone’s 4G to your laptop, mute your ringer, and remind you in 30 minutes to get off Twitter. But the issue both companies have discovered with tags is that they’re, ultimately, too capable.”

That is it for my Random Snippets from this week. Happy Friday!

My marriage secret: 51/49

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If you are married, you will probably understand what I am about to tell you. You know that Sunday afternoon when it is slightly cold out, but it is past time to clear the leaves out of the gutters? When you ask your husband if maybe this is the day to clean them out, and they look at you with raised eyebrows because they know it is:

a) a good day for it

b) past time for it to be done

c) they do not want to get on the roof and clean the gutters

d) they know you are right

You say to your husband: “51/49” which equates to: time to clean the gutters.

You might ask: What is this 51/49? Chris and I have a little mantra for our marriage that we joke about together. “51/49” is what we call it. Basically the short and dirty of it is that I have 51% say and he has 49% say in decisions. I know what you are thinking. Either: “That is not fair” or “Wow, lucky woman.” Whatever you are thinking, save it. It works for us. Chris has always had the idea in his mind: “Happy wife; happy life.” You can guess correctly that I like it. I have the most wonderful husband (I already know I do so you do not have to tell me).

You may ask why I am telling you this – especially when I have also just told you that he only gets 49% say. Well, in the end 51/49 is our inside joke. It is our decision-making motto. Yes, there are many decisions that we make together. Definitely the big ones, buying a house, moving to a different city, making large purchases, you know the drill. Yet, on the day-to-day level, I often plot out the plan for our life. I carve out what is next, make a plan, and divvy up the details for us both to execute. Partly because I am on point for driving us forward with those plans, I often use 51/49 to make sure things happen. If we are torn about where to have dinner and I have a strong opinion, I might mention 51/49. With a grin on his face, and the knowledge that it is our little joke, Chris might lean my way. Or, he might decide to bring his own plan to the mix and test my 51/49. Yes, it is fun, and yes, it has proven very effective in our marriage.

51/49 is also a reminder to us to take good care of each other. I try just as hard to look out for and pamper Chris as he does for me. We do it in different ways, but we love to find ways to make sure we both share in living a happy life together.

I grew up in a family where my father made the decisions (whether right, smart, wrong, or not thought through), while my mom did almost everything in the house. It was always evident to me that my dad made the decisions. It was his way or the highway. I knew I never wanted to be in that kind of marriage. First, I am too strong-willed. Second, I wanted to be in a relationship where we shared and made decisions together. 51/49 works for us.

What do you think of our marriage secret?

You have to look at the crap

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I just finished reading Brene Brown’s book: “The Gift of Imperfection.” After reading her book: “Daring Greatly” I was curious about her other books and wanted to see how they compared, and what I might learn in the process. “The Gift of Imperfection” does not at all compare to Daring Greatly (which I loved) but I still found some helpful ideas and inspiration. Brown has definitely evolved as a writer with each book.

One idea that really resonated with me was about looking at all the crap in our lives. So often we want to look at everything with sunshine and rainbows and the reality of life is that it is not always happy, perfect, and straightforward. We often have to take a trowel and dig into the past, or rake through the distractions that are blocking us from seeing our true purpose in life. When I read this quote from Brown the other day, I realized how right she is:

“We don’t change, we don’t grow, and we don’t move forward without the work. If we really wanted to live a joyful, connected, and meaningful life, we must talk about things that get in the way.” Page 35

We want the easy way out. We like to cut corners, get there faster, check the box off the list. That is not the way it works though. We have to do the work. We have to look at our dark places, what makes us angry, and what makes us react. All the different nuances and challenges in our life that rub us the wrong way, make us feel injustice, or just get in the way of who we are on the good days. If we use the trowel and rake, maybe, just maybe, it will mean that more of our days are happy and on purpose.

With poise, zeal, and excitement together we can look at the dark stuff in our life, our fears, questions, and all the crap that we push under our beds, into our closets, or the trunk of our car. The stuff we avoid to look at because we are scared of what it will tell us. Afraid of what we will learn about ourselves. Open the door, the trunk, and get under the bed and pull out the dust bunnies, and stinky socks, and let’s look at our dark places, talk about them, and see where it takes us.

I am excited to start talking about the things that are getting in my way. Maybe, I will share a few here. You will have to come back and see.