Honesty and Integrity = Respect and Credibility

It’s Friday! It’s Friday!

Last summer I went to the IABC Conference that took place in San Diego, California. For those of you that might not know what the IABC Conference stands for – it is the International Association of Business Communicators. The keynote address was by Jonah Leher. I had recently read one of his books and enjoyed it, while also being very intrigued by his keynote address.

A few months Jonah released his next book: Imagine and I checked it out from the library. Once I received it and tried to start reading it, I was turned off. For the most part, the pages I read served to debunk the idea that brainstorming and creativity are effective ways to come up with new ideas. So I stopped reading and decided his new book was not one I was going to finish. Then tonight I came across this NPR article about the Bob Dylan quotes Jonah made up. What has come of our world? With all the information on the Internet, why would you ever even think about lying or fibbing about quotes, data, experience, etc? It does not make any sense to me!

It also opens up a lot of questions for me. What makes authors knowingly lie or make up content? Have folks not remembered the James Frey drama? Why is honesty and integrity such a hard thing to follow through on? How can we continue to trust authors and writers if we constantly have to wonder if they are telling the truth or not? It is interesting to me that the content of his book made me return it to the library and move on with my life. And…now they are pulling his book for inaccuracies.

Reminder to all writers: TELL THE TRUTH. Otherwise, you lose all respect and credibility.

What Are Your Love Languages?

Posted by random olio

Have you read the book: The Five Love Languages? by Gary Chapman. It is a slow book, but the ideas in it are ones that apply to romantic and platonic relationships. I read it a few years ago, but constantly refer to it in conversations. It has continued to be a great way to dive into relationships and how others relate to each other, whether in a good relationship, a new relationship, or one that is struggling.

The background on his book is that we each have a language with how we feel most loved. Take for example your significant other (if you have one, if not then replace with your good friend, or a family member). Think about what you feel they need to feel most loved. I will list below the five love languages. I will say this again: The key is to think about what THEY most need that makes them feel loved. Try to come up with the top two out of the five. Once you have figured out what their top two are, think about what your top two are – what makes you feel the most loved?

The five love languages are:

Gift Giving
Words of Affirmation
Quality Time
Physical Touch
Acts of Service

You can find more details and definitions of each of the love languages at the above link. My top two languages of love are: Quality Time and Acts of Service. This means when Chris knows I have had a rough day and it is not over yet, that if he takes care of some chore he knows I will try to do even if I am operating on 10% energy, it will make me feel loved. He knows that my language (Acts of Service) means he is thinking about me and what I need without even asking me.

I also really appreciate quality time with each other. These days with all that we have on our plates, quality time is such an important language of love. It says I care and love you enough to put down my phone, turn off the TV, shut my computer and focus on you. You may or may not have the same love language as your significant other. What is important for me is that I know what his love languages are and that I focus on how to show him love through his love languages.

a photo from a friend.

What are your love languages? Have you shared your love languages with others? It is an important conversation for others to know how to best love you!

We Deserve More On Airplanes

Posted by random olio

I am always in awe that an airplane can fly. I do not take that for granted. We get into a metal contraption, and fly through the friendly skies. It is a mostly natural event in many of our lives, and it used to be one that was a luxury. Today it seems to feel like herding cattle. It is no longer much fun, and no longer feels luxurious. Sure, we have the ability to have wi-fi Internet, while flying at 30,000 feet. Pretty amazing if you really think about it. In recent years, I have heard folks get pissed off on an airplane when the wi-fi or TVs do not work. Annoying right? I mean annoying that someone would complain about it. I mean you are flying 30,000 feet in the air. Yes, I will say it again, you are flying, quit complaining!

Having said all that my bone to pick (here is where that saying came from) is that they charge you for everything. We recently flew across the country on Delta. They are usually the airline we fly. I do not have any problems with Delta. In the last few months though they have put more fees on things. It is starting to get annoying. I fear that soon I will have to use my credit card to pay to use the bathroom whenever I fly. Trust me that could get expensive. Whatever happened to customer service and caring for your customers? Think back to when flying was a luxury and way less expensive. It was about service. The TV screen in the seat in front of me had movies and TV shows. They used to be free. Now it is $6 for a movie, and $6 for any amount of TV (or $1 a show). On our flight the TVs were not working. I was not annoyed that they were not working, I understand that happens. I was frustrated that we have yet another fee. Seriously. We pay hundreds and thousands of dollars to fly around the world and we have to pay more for a few hours of entertainment in a seat that we can barely move around in, while eating pretzels and horrible coffee. (It was. I even heard the flight attendant tell the other flight attendant the coffee they made was bad).

flight #1 TV broken

What has it come to? We now pay to check bags, we may eventually have to pay for our carry on bags. We have to pay for real food, and now we cannot even get free entertainment. Ugh. It is annoying. Yes, I am still grateful for the amazing feat that we can even fly the friendly skies, but airlines, if you are listening, save something to brag about – give us a little customer service. Please. A little can go a long way.

#2 flight – this plane needs to go into retirement

Happy Monday!

Are you a DINK? Or a DEWKs?

Posted by random olio

I think we have all heard of the term DINK, which is an acronym for: dual income no kids. Until recently I had not heard of the term DEWKs: dually employed with kids or SITCOM: single income, two children, oppressive mortgage. Right now I am feeling for the SITCOM, at least the OM part. All these acronyms come from the many ideas I read in: “All the Money in the World: What the Happiest People Know About Getting and Spending” by Laura Vanderkam.

She mentions talking to your children about money, and making it part of their upbringing. I do not have children yet, but I have a feeling that my kids will think I am like a broken record, because I will definitely be teaching them about money just as I will teach them about respect, love, trust, the list goes on. I want them to feel comfortable talking about money. I like what the author says in the following quote about an internal locus of control. This allows kids to chart their own course and work hard on their own merits. I know it has always felt nice when I have attained something on my own, rather than on the shirt tails of another.

“The best thing we can do for our kids, economically, is to teach them to be entrepreneurial. A big chunk of this is helping them develop an internal locus of control–that is, the belief that they are responsible for making their way in the world. No one is going to hand them a job or an opportunity. They will have to seek it out.” page. 139

Another ideal that I would like my kids to see me follow is that we are living within our means. I want to show them, whether with our own finances or with examples, how it is possible to live within your means based on choices that we make. I have seen so many horror stories on Oprah and other shows about parents that give their children everything they want and are not even remotely able to pay for it. To me this is “keeping up with the Jones.” Laura says that children’s mindsets are shaped between 8 and 12 years old.

“Talk about why a lower interest rate on a mortgage matters in terms of monthly payments, and if you’re working extra hours to afford a particular vacation or to get out of debt, make sure they see the connection. Keep in mind that in a cashless culture, kids may have a harder time grasping what money really is.” page 213

It should mean that children will have more respect for their parents and the material possessions they do have, and hopefully connect the dots to see all that a parent is doing to provide for their children. I can understand parents wanting to protect or shield their kids from knowing if things are tight, or that their financial situation is dire, however, I think it is possible to educate without instilling fear.

“If your children see you paying your bills on time, living on less than you make, and putting money away for the future, this becomes the norm. If your young children have savings accounts and simply learn that a percentage of birthday and holiday money always goes there, this will be an incredibly difficult habit to break later on. Saving will feel like brushing their teeth.” page 212

She also tells us to let children fail, that we should teach our kids the “value of the dollar.” She says to encourage children to figure out their values about money (and that means we should probably know ours). I learned my values about money the hard way. I had many jobs during college, juggling them to pay for school, while also babysitting on the side. Some friends got to sleep in and take classes all day (or have just 3 classes all day and that was all they were responsible for). I was in a work/study program and then worked extra on the side so I could go out and have a little spending money for food or a movie with friends. I definitely did not take what I earned for granted, I worked hard to pay for school, and knew what an opportunity my college education was for me.

So regardless of if you are a DINK, DEWK, or SITCOM, what are your money values?

Spouse Inherits In Only 16 states

Posted by random olio

This is not the most exciting or thrilling topic, but it is an IMPORTANT one. I recently read this Forbes article: “Americans Lack Basic Estate Plans.” The part I want to point out though does not have to do with estate plans, but about the part that says:

“Even if there are no end of life questions, you need at least a basic will to make sure the right person gets your assets. Most couples without estates big enough to be taxable write “I love you” wills leaving everything to each other. But if a husband or wife dies without a will, the surviving spouse inherits everything in only 16 states.”

Fascinating. Did you know that? I did not.

After doing a bit of research it looks like it is called, the “Uniform Probate Code” and these are the 16 states: Alaska, Arizona, Colorado, Florida, Hawaii, Idaho, Maine, Michigan, Minnesota, Montana, Nebraska, New Mexico, North Dakota, South Carolina, South Dakota, and Utah. So if you are not in one of these 16 states it might be worthwhile to look into what the estate laws are for your state. I know I will be!

When each of my parents died, neither of them had a will, health insurance, life insurance, or a living will. My sister, brother, and I had to figure out what to do about funeral arrangements, how to pay for their bills, and deal with their remaining belongings. When my grandma died, she did have a will, but it was very outdated. It still had disbursement going to my mother who had been gone more than 10 years before her. The way her will was set up and worded meant that we spent a few years in probate, ending up in a very large portion of her estate going to probate fees, lawyer fees, and the bank (she had the bank as one of the executors of her will). Bank as executor = lots of lost money. The bank has to sign a lot of the paperwork and they do it in their own time, while charging a monthly fee. It was a mess, and a long, drawn out process that took a few years.

I have heard good reviews that you can go to LegalZoom to have a will put together inexpensively online. If you do not have a will, take the steps now to do so. Especially if you have children!