A Message to Todd Akin

Posted by random olio

I do not even know where to start on this debate. If I were in a cartoon I would have fire coming out my ears, and fireworks coming out of my mouth. I would be censored left and right. I just am flabbergasted by this politician’s comments. Seriously? There must not be a woman in his life that has ever been raped. Either that or he just has no respect for women. If he did he would eat his words.

What I am talking about pertains to Republican Senate Nominee, Todd Akin. Akin discussed his opposition to abortion rights “even in case of rape with a claim that victims of ‘legitimate rape’ have unnamed biological defenses that prevent pregnancy.” This quote was from this article about the TV interview with Akin on Sunday. In his interview, Akin said the following:

“First of all, from what I understand from doctors [pregnancy from rape] is really rare. If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.

OMG. I am speechless. But only speechless because all of the words I want to say just are not nice. I am working on speaking up with clear, direct words, that are not @#$#%#$@$. The article states that rape is not “rare” and that “32,101 pregnancies result from rape each year.” Maybe Akin should go through a simulation of what it is like for a woman to be raped, and then tell him he has to carry the baby he is now pregnant with – oh yeah, and Akin, remember you never consented to the sex you have just been forced into.

Why do men and politicians feel that they have any say in what a woman does with her body? What woman should ever be forced to have a baby, after being raped? Then be reminded that they must have that man’s baby in their body for 9 months and then raise it? How is that bringing a child into this world with all the love, happiness, and consensual desire to raise a child? Maybe Akin would think differently if he had to grow a baby in his belly after nine months, and then raise it. BY. HIMSELF.

I would love for someone, anyone to tell me how to look at this from another view, because right now I am just livid. I cannot seem to find any silver lining in this debate at all. I really do not like to talk about politics at all, but this is more than politics. This a woman who has been forced to have sex against her will. Oh yeah, and in Akin’s words: “If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.” Seriously? Akin, what part of the female body has a way to shut the whole damn thing down?

Please tell me.

The Pesto That Changed My Life

Posted by random olio

About 10 years ago, Chris and I had just begun our first stint at sharing a living space. We had a lot figured out in terms of keeping things clean and organized, sharing responsibilities, and roles in our home. One area that was not as clear was the kitchen. Chris loved to cook and had always been adventurous to try to recreate amazing food that he had experienced in restaurants in New York, and other cities he had traveled to around the country. Let’s just say he wowed me with what he could do in the kitchen.

Since I am a bit competitive (okay very competitive), I wanted to show him I could cook too. I decided to make pasta with pesto for dinner one night. For those that read my blog recently, I spent many summers learning how to bake (and follow a recipe). I was not a complete cooking novice, but some of you may agree with me, that following a recipe for cooking can be different from following a recipe to bake something. I made a mistake that altered my future forever. Although some may say it was a good mistake, it has meant I no longer make the main courses for meals in our home. I am the sous chef or the baker and dessert maker.

My mistake: adding an entire head of garlic to the pesto I was making rather than one CLOVE of garlic. Chris was an angel. Maybe it was because he was balancing the boundaries and newness of the beginnings of a relationship, or maybe he just is truly an angel. HE ATE THE PESTO…and, smelled like garlic for days. I did not want to be near him. I wanted to create something for him in the kitchen, made a mistake in the ingredient, and lived to smell it for days.

What it did to us? He started doing all the cooking. I learned to just let him alone in the kitchen. If I try to talk to him while he is cooking, and I bring up our conversation later, he will have no recollection or remembrance that the conversation ever took place. So. We altered life. He cooks. I go into my writing world while he cooks. It all works out. The way I balance this wonderful gift in my life is to occasionally bake breads and yummy desserts. I would do it more often, but while the sugar goodness tends to do nothing to Chris, it tends to add wobbly bits to my body. He will have to be okay with occasionally.

My mistake made 10 years ago = a gift.

…the beginnings of coconut creme pie…

Giggles In Heaven

Posted by random olio

On Monday I wrote about the book: “It Sucked and Then I Cried: How I Had a Baby, a Breakdown, and a Much Needed Margarita” by Heather Armstrong in this blog post. The blog I wrote was more on the funny and painful aspects to motherhood. Today I wanted to share the awww moments of motherhood. The parts that make you cling to your spouse with gratitude for this little life you brought into the world.

“The best part of my day was when Jon carried Leta back to the changing table after her bath, and she’d lay there wrapped in the towel, her hand shoved as far as she could get it into the back of her mouth. He’d lean down and pretend to eat her neck, causing her to laugh. And she laughed for him like she laughed for no one else, a full-body laugh that shook her belly and caused her to let go of her hand for a second. Her giggles would fill the house and echo through the baby monitor into the living room and out to the street. I imagined that those echoing giggles were what the background music in heaven sounded like.” Page 159

Aww. Giggles in heaven. I love the laughter and absolute uncontrollable giggle of a baby or toddler. You can continue to repeat what you are doing over and over again to have that same gut laughter continue. It. Is. The. Best. Thing. Ever. And then Heather talks about the love for her spouse, Jon:

“In him I’d found the person whom I knew I would never get tired of, even in the most monotonous of times, even in the routine of being together every single day. I never thought I would find that.” Page 237

This is how I feel about Chris. Even if he is on the iPad dreaming about our future, and I am pounding out my next blog post on my laptop, while watching Michael Phelps swim the last Olympic event of his career, we are hanging out together. We look up and smile at each other and go back to our respective activities, my legs sprawled out on top of him. Aww the life. Can you tell how addicted I am to my husband? We live our life with giggles and laughter and maybe one day we will share those gut deep giggles with a little one. (Can you tell I am thinking very seriously about it!)

Again, I say, read Heather’s book. It is worth it. Okay I am done touting her book. You will not hear another peep about it.

Do You Stare?

Posted by random olio

Are you a gawker? I am the kind of person that assesses the room when she enters. Not so much to see where I feel comfortable, more because I am always reading people. I find people fascinating.

I may be found staring because I am watching how others listen to each other. Does everyone feel included? Are others bored? Is everyone intrigued? Is the energy of the room happy, dull, depressed, angry, lively? Does one individual have a way with words? Is someone a good story-teller? Does someone else have a wealth of knowledge and experience and others gravitate towards them because they have so much they can learn? Does another bring down the energy of the room because of their negative comments and attitude? All of these questions intrigue me and swirl through my thought in different group interactions.

I may also be watching the room because I am exploring the clothes, shoes, hair, etc. Not in any judging way, but because I find style, color, and clothes interesting. Whether for the combination of how others put an outfit together, to interesting jewelry, or shoes. I love the comfort of a pair of jeans, to the odd and extravagant shoe. You will never get me in a pair of high heels, but you can find me in a pair of flip flops any day or a pair of running shoes. I like to be mostly flat and grounded in this world.

I was reading a book on friendship the other day and the author called herself a ‘gawker.’ Am I a gawker, or do I just take an interest in people? I think I will go with the latter.

In Austin, staring down to the street, where there were cops galore

Cheeseburgers and Staples

Posted by random olio

I just finished reading: “It Sucked and Then I Cried: How I Had a Baby, a Breakdown, and a Much Needed Margarita” by Heather Armstrong. I could not stop saying: “Chris, Chris, I have to read this to you.” I might have to write about this book a few times because of just how blunt and hilarious Heather writes. Sometimes it is that potty humor that makes her funny, and sometimes it is in that I-relate-that-would-be-me kind of way.

In her book she takes you from trying to conceive, to her pregnancy, to the first 9 months of her baby girl’s life. She talks about her struggles with staying sane (literally) and what moms go through to not lose it. Maybe I can relate more right now because I am thinking so much about motherhood, but if you are a mother, or are thinking about taking that step, or just want a good laugh, then read on.

“An then, in what was one of the most memorable moments of the pregnancy, the ultrasound technician pointed to an unrecognizable shadow on the monitor and said, “See that cheeseburger? That means it’s a girl.” And then he circled her cheeseburger for emphasis. Jon had been holding my hand to give me strength to hold my pee, but right then he let go and cupped his tear-stained face, “You have a very important job,” he said, looking at me with the eyes I had fallen in love with. “You’re going to have to teach our daughter about her cheeseburger.” Page 39

I love this. It just made me smile. The next excerpt I want to share has to do with breast-feeding and what it feels like for a woman to breast feed. Men, yes please keep reading. I think it is worth it for you to know her explanation. Not that you do not respect women for what they have to go through to breast feed a child, but her description I think will take your respect to a new level.

“The only way to describe it to a man is to suggest that he lay out his naked penis on a chopping block, place a manual stapler on the sacred helmet head, and bang it a couple hundred staples. The first two staples might hurt a little, but after that it just becomes numb, right? And by the eighty-eighth staple you’re like, AREN’T YOU FULL YET? But then the comparison really fails because a man doesn’t have two penises, and after stapling the first boob the baby moves again on to the other boob and the happy stapling begins ALL OVER AGAIN.” Page 83

I have more to share, but I think I will save it for another post. The other ideas are more for the soft side of parenting, but I thought I would first start with cheeseburgers and staples. Go. Read. Her. Book.