A Taxi Driver and Patience

I do not cry often. When I do it has to really hit me deep within. This story brought tears to my eyes. I am not sure if it is true, or how it originated, but nevertheless, it will touch you. It has been circulating around Facebook, so you might have read it already, but for those of you who have not, you are in for a treat. Here is the complete story. I have also copied it in its entirety here:

“A sweet lesson on patience. A NYC Taxi driver wrote. I arrived at the address and honked the horn. After waiting a few minutes I honked again. Since this was going to be my last ride of my shift I thought about just driving away, but instead I put the car in park and walked up to the door and knocked.. ‘Just a minute’, answered a frail, elderly voice. I could hear something being dragged across the floor.

After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 90’s stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940’s movie. By her side was a small nylon suitcase. The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets. There were no clocks on the walls, no knickknacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard box filled with photos and glassware.

‘Would you carry my bag out to the car?’ she said. I took the suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman. She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb. She kept thanking me for my kindness. ‘It’s nothing’, I told her. ‘I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother to be treated.’ ‘Oh, you’re such a good boy, she said. When we got in the cab, she gave me an address and then asked, ‘Could you drive through downtown?’ ‘It’s not the shortest way,’ I answered quickly. ‘Oh, I don’t mind,’ she said. ‘I’m in no hurry. I’m on my way to a hospice.

I looked in the rear-view mirror. Her eyes were glistening. ‘I don’t have any family left,’ she continued in a soft voice.’The doctor says I don’t have very long.’ I quietly reached over and shut off the meter. ‘What route would you like me to take?’ I asked. For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator. We drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl. Sometimes she’d ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing.

As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, ‘I’m tired. Let’s go now’. We drove in silence to the address she had given me. It was a low building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway that passed under a portico. Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move. They must have been expecting her. I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door. The woman was already seated in a wheelchair. ‘How much do I owe you?’ She asked, reaching into her purse. ‘Nothing,’ I said. ‘You have to make a living,’ she answered. ‘There are other passengers,’ I responded. Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug. She held onto me tightly.

‘You gave an old woman a little moment of joy,’ she said. ‘Thank you.’ I squeezed her hand, and then walked into the dim morning light. Behind me, a door shut. It was the sound of the closing of a life. I didn’t pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly lost in thought. For the rest of that day, I could hardly talk.What if that woman had gotten an angry driver, or one who was impatient to end his shift? What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away? On a quick review, I don’t think that I have done anything more important in my life. We’re conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments. But great moments often catch us unaware-beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one.

I agree with the driver, and I am so glad they were not angry that day. This is my favorite take-away: “We’re conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments. But great moments often catch us unaware-beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one.” That is what brought tears to my eyes. To watch and be aware of those moments. The ones that make us better, more aware, and more alive.

Life size Barbie proportions

I was a Barbie girl. I did not really play with dolls, or horses (except My Little Pony), or cars, or trains. I played with Barbies. I had about 12 of them (not sure if that is normal or not). I had a light pink Barbie corvette, a townhouse with an elevator that went up and down with a string pulley (it was the 80’s). I had the Barbie salon where you could use wash their hair, and color it using special “markers” that washed out later. They do not tell you that you can color Barbie’s hair, but you should never cut it (Barbie will never look the same again). I had exercise Barbie, ballroom Barbie, wedding Barbie and wedding Ken, I had bikini Barbie (she got the haircut), and a slew of others I do not remember. All of these were gifts given over many birthdays, and they were dearly loved.

I was reminded of my Barbie memories after a conversation at work yesterday that originated from superheros dimensions to Barbie dimensions. We then found the following article about if Barbie was life-size what would she actually look like. (For those of you that do not click the link you are missing out, it is quite shocking). The article explains that Barbie would be 5 foot 9 inches, weight 110 pounds, wear a size 3 shoe, a 39″ bust, 18″ waist, and 33″ hips. Gulp. So if you still have not clicked the link, do so now.

What is funny about my experience with Barbies (for those of you with young little girls) is I think playing with them got a lot of the girly stuff out of my system. I have a lot of friends that purposely ban Barbie and other toys that do not lead to positive images of women. Then those are the only toys they want. I do not know what I’ll do when I have kids. There is a part of me that thinks that I will feel the same way, that it will just be a yuck feeling I will have about any toys that do not lead to a positive, strong view of women. Having said all that, I loved playing with my Barbies and would beg my sister to play with me. Now I am starting to think that being all girly when I was young has meant I am not as girly now. So maybe it was not such a bad thing.

Regardless of if I got it out of my system, did I know at that age that Barbie was not anatomically correct? Probably not. However, I do think Mattel should fix Barbie so that she is more normal/true to real woman size. Convincing Mattel should not be that hard right? Ha.

Have a great weekend! Hope the sun is shining..

EmpowHER Blogger Network

I recently became affiliated with the EmpowHER Blogger Network. EmpowHER is a Social Health Community for Women. I highly recommend taking a moment to explore their website. You will find many women bloggers writing about women’s issues, health and wellness, exercise, eating, weight, etc. While there are lots of pages of things I might not be as interested about (on diseases, or not so happy topics) I am sure that many folks find the resources on the website helpful to them. I wanted to share their website for those of you that might be interested, as I follow their exercise and eating healthy topics.

Exercise and healthy eating is NOW important to me, but it has not always been. I grew up in Indiana, where I might have mentioned in a past blog post that corn should have been listed as the state vegetable. There is a small amusement park/area in Indiana called: Indiana Beach. They have a tagline of: “There is more than corn in Indiana.” I am not sure I believe them! Well, truth be told, I grew up hating my vegetables. It took at least until I was twenty-five years old and married before I would start to enjoy eating any vegetable (thank you, hubby for making them so yummy). I started to enjoy vegetables because of how he prepared them, and also because living in Oregon there are a vast variety of vegetables that grow local and are fresh and easily accessible to obtain, especially with our many farmers markets.

Lots of things have happened in my life since my vegetable breakthrough, I will not go into those now, but I will tell you that what has resulted from all those things is an excitement for eating healthy and for consistent exercise. Friends that knew me from a younger age are still shocked at my transformation with food. I now willingly ask for vegetables at restaurants, crave them, and know that they are benefiting my health. Changing my diet has changed my mood, my energy level, and driven me to be motivated to stay in shape and be healthy. As I have changed my diet, I have also gotten into running. I try to run at least 6 days a week, it has been a great stress release from the day. The other idea on my list to try is boxing, this article about women boxing workouts on the EmpowHER site has inspired me to see where I can start boxing in my area. Here is another good article from their website on 5 Ways to Exercise Everyday.

Take a moment to explore their website!

Do you have self-control and willpower?

A week or so ago, I finished reading: The Willpower Instinct: How Self-Control Works, Why It Matters, and What You Can Do To Get More of It by Kelly McGonigal. It is a good book that makes you think about when you use self-control and willpower and when you choose otherwise. I have been fascinated with the concept of willpower lately, and why some of us have a ton of self-control and others do not. Kelly explains why this happens in her book.

One of the stories she shares about willpower talks about Valerie and her mother. Valerie’s mom has been diagnosed with early-stage Alzheimer’s and could no longer live by herself. Valerie and her family made the decision to have her mother moved to a long-term care facility. Valerie felt responsible for visiting her mother everyday and since her other siblings did not live nearby, Valerie was left in charge. The situation made her very angry. To deal with her frustrations, on the way home from the care facility each night, she would stop by the nearby grocery and eat cupcakes and other sweets to feel better about herself. Valerie learns about a breathing technique in one of Kelly McGonigal’s Harvard classes, that teaches an individual to release their feelings while doing this breathing technique. Here is what shifted for Valerie after trying this specific technique:

“In time, the grocery store ritual lost its appeal and was replaced with a moment-by-moment willingness to feel whatever came up throughout the day. Valerie was even able to bring that same willingness to her visits with her mother, letting herself feel her frustration instead of telling herself she wasn’t angry at her mother. It didn’t change the situation, but it took away some of the stress.” p. 221

What I love about this experience is that while Valerie used the breathing techniques to release feelings and frustrations about the situation she is in with her mother, we can all shift our thoughts (whether through breathing exercises or shifting how we think about situations) so that we make sure to feel and process our feelings as we go through our days. For the example with Valerie, she cannot really change her situation, but she can change how she approaches her situation, and the choices she makes when she leaves the care facility each day. Guess what?! Valerie also stopped going to the grocery store and eating sweets. Releasing her feelings allowed her to be with her situation and she did not have to eat sweets to cope.

Are there things in your day that you could approach differently and feel as you go through your day, so you are completely present with how things truly are?

Are you the scary customer?

I cannot say I am always the nicest customer. After working in customer service for so long I have a shorter fuse. I know what it takes and now have high expectations for what a customer experience should look like. These days my husband makes the calls pertaining to our accounts. He has a lot more patience than I do, and I often am – well to put it nicely a bit too blunt over the phone.

I recently finished reading: Malled: My Unintentional Career in Retail by Caitlin Kelly. It is a good memoir of Caitlin’s experience working in retail between 2007 and 2009. She is a freelance writer, who needed income during the economic downturn, and she chose to work at The North Face store near her home in New York City. Her job paid between $9-11 an hour with no commission or benefits (since she worked part-time). She was also provided a uniform for her job (many retail jobs do not provide this for free). Her book was a reminder to me to watch how I might treat retail workers, whether at the mall, grocery store, boutique, etc. Caitlin is a journalist so she already had experience working with strangers and the public, asking questions, and connecting with them. I loved her fresh approach to how she interacted with her customers. We could stand to remember this when dealing with our co-workers, family, and friends.

“I lived for these moments. Retail, at its rare best, allows total strangers to quickly connect and converse meaningfully. It’s really, often, about trust, the merchandise and the sales floor merely the means through which two people, however briefly, can slow down long enough to discover and enjoy common ground. It wasn’t an accident that after a twenty-minute conversation with me someone would easily spend $400, or much more. That person had received my careful, individual, and undivided attention, a rarity in any store. A rarity anywhere, really.” page 86

Throughout her book she shares how the corporate offices did all they could to cut back on their sales staff to save money. The less they paid their sales associates, the more profit they made. The less associates they had on each shift, the higher their profits. Many had little to no training, and no thanks or gratitude from management or the head corporate offices. Associates were constantly on their feet, in sometimes horribly ventilated storefronts, with short breaks, annoying music, and irate, rude, and aggressive customers. This all leads to extremely high turnover. By the end of Caitlin’s 2 year stint at The North Face she says the following:

“Now, though, I also carefully and consistently thanked anyone doing a service job well, from grocery baggers to gas station attendants. I viscerally appreciated how grim it could be, how little many customers thought of them, and how hard and poorly paid was the work.” page 205

I vow to curb my frustration, whether with the store, retail worker, or with something in my own life, and not take it out on the individual working in the store or over the phone that day. If we were all to do that, we could make a change in how retail workers experience customers. They do not deserve our frustrations, anger, or scorn. Often, the retail worker has no control over the issues we may have with their company. Much of the time, store management and corporate headquarters do not want to hear the complaints or comments their sales force has heard from customers. The best way to communicate issues that might be widespread between many stores is to contact the corporate offices to voice your concerns.

Are you like me? Do you need to think again about how you are treating retail workers?