Change the way you look at things

Posted by random olio

It hit me hard and felt like a colonic. Yes, that is what I said. It felt like a colonic. I have had one, I know what I am talking about. All the foggy thinking, gunk, and stirring thoughts and emotions were sucked out of my thought. A dilemma I have been agonizing over for the past few weeks, came clearly to me. I needed to shift my thought. I needed to change how I looked at this situation. It all happened after I came across this quote last week:

“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at will change.”

After a little Google sleuthing, I think it is a quote from Wayne Dyer. I am not sure if he means that by looking at a situation differently, we will see it differently. Or, if he means that by looking at a situation differently, the actual situation (or people involved will actually change). Maybe both would/could happen. Either way, it was an eye-opening moment for me. It has made me think about my little dilemma differently. How I approach it, how I think about it, and how I react to it. Hopefully, that means that it will resolve itself in a way that is better than I can even imagine.

Are there things in your life that could benefit from looking at them differently? Things within your marriage/relationship or with your family or friends? Is a work situation that you think is beyond repairable worth looking at differently and a slight shift gives you the answer(s) you need to realign, change course, and take a project to the next level? Just as I was hit hard, take some moments today, not to get an actual colonic, but to have a colonic of your thoughts. Clear out the gunk, change the way you look at things, and just maybe things will change.

The special person I get to annoy

Posted by random olio

“It’s great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” -Rita Rudner

Oh have I found that one person. Today is my tenth wedding anniversary, and boy have I had the time of my life. For those of you that might have read my blog for the past year and a half, you would not be shocked to hear me ooh and ah about my husband. I have often written about how I am addicted to him, and how our marriage works, but today I can hardly believe that ten years ago we stood on a beach in Hawaii, barefoot in the sand at sunset, just the two of us, starting our life together.

Of course Chris is my special person that I enjoy annoying. Mostly through the times when I (or we) are being silly. I love to get under his skin, as long as it means that at the end of the playful moment I have him laughing or happily rolling his eyes. Without laughter, what is the point?

Christopher, I look forward to the next ten years where we laugh, play, and grow together. You are my favorite person, and the one I love waking up next to each morning, and the one I hope I fall asleep before at night. You are the one I love texting in the middle of the day to find out how your day is going. I love that you laugh at my often made up words, and somehow you still understand me. We push each other to look at life differently each day, and I am honored that I get to spend my life with you.

Here is to another ten years that I get to annoy you. Happy Anniversary!

Opportunity Cost

Posted by random olio

Do you ever justify a purchase? Do you think to yourself, I worked hard this week, I deserve this purchase. Or, you might think about how you did not go out to dinner and a movie with friends last week, so you can buy this expensive coat. I justify purchases. Often it is that I should not purchase a specific item, either because we do not need it, or because I believe it is too expensive. Other times, I tell myself, if I purchase this, I will not purchase something else. Or, if I do not purchase something I can save for something better later.

A few weeks ago, I finished reading: “Decisive: How to Make Better Choices in Life and Work” by Chip Heath & Dan Heath. There was a quote that resonated with me:

“‘Opportunity cost’ is a term from economics that refers to what we give up when we make a decision. For instance, if you and your spouse spend $40 on a Mexican dinner one Friday night and then go to the movies ($20), your opportunity cost might be a $60 sushi dinner plus some television at home. The sushi-and-TV combo is the next-best thing you could have done with the same amount of time and money. Or if you love both shopping and hiking, then the opportunity cost of a Saturday afternoon at the mall might be the forgone opportunity to hike through a nearby park.” page 42

Is that how you make decisions in your life? Do you ever think about the opportunity cost for the choices you make? It is not always a bad way to make decisions. Chris and I spent a few years feeling stuck in the condo we owned. We knew we could not sell it due to the year we purchased it and the market, so we stayed put and continued to save for our future. Last fall we saw a window and found a house we fell in love with instantly. If we had not spent all those years saving, we would not have been able to make the move into our current home. I look at that as our opportunity cost. We stayed in a home for a few years and saved in order to now live in a home we love. It worked for us.

Is that how you look at money and decisions? Is it easier to have the opportunity right in front of you now, so you can see the instant gratification? Does that help you look into the future, or is what you want right now the only way to live? If you are diligent today, tomorrow, and the next day, could that give you more options in a few years? Yes. I can tell you that waiting often gives you more options, but not always. We have to listen for what makes the most sense in each situation. It will be different for everyone.

What do you think?

I hope she is proud.

Posted by random olio

Another year has gone by and Sunday is, yet again, another Mother’s Day. I am still not yet a mother myself. Each year, I have a bit of nostalgia and a bit of numbness for a day that comes each year. It has been 19 years since I have celebrated Mother’s Day with my mom. It is hard to believe that it has been almost two decades. How is that even possible? I struggle with the concept that I have spent more of my life without my mom then I ever spent with her in my life.

my mama

Has it made me independent? Hell yeah. Has it made me miss her? Hell yeah. I have often been asked by others: “What is the hardest part about losing a loved one?” Many think it is the days and weeks surrounding their passing. Yes, that part is hard. What is harder? The months later. For a child, it might be a future “bring mom to school” day. For a teenager, it might be going to prom and wishing their mom was there to see them off, or wishing their loved one was there to watch them receive their diploma. Whatever the situation, it can be incredibly hard months and often years later when the depths of pain and sadness rip you apart in ways you never expected.

I can tell you this from experience. The day before my wedding, Chris and I made the decision to get married — just the two of us on a beach in Hawaii. It felt so right for us to start this stage of our life together, just us saying our vows together. No fluff, no commitments to others, just two lives joining together. That day, before we got married, I got sad. I had no idea I would miss my mom so much. Just thinking about it almost ten years later I have tears streaming down my face. I wanted her to be able to watch me with pride join my life with Chris, and yet I had no idea her absence would be so hard for me until that moment when I was preparing for my special day.

Chris might have thought my oddness that day meant I was afraid of getting married and that I might back out of our wedding. Yet, I was not afraid of marrying Chris, I was just sad. I had no idea the absence of my mom would hit me so hard on such a happy time in my life. I do not remember if I missed my dad that day, only that my mom should have been there and watched me marry this wonderful man.

Happy Mother’s Day, mom. I hope you can see all that I have become in life and all that I have. I am a grateful daughter with so much to be thankful for every day. Life has not always been easy, but I have learned so much along the way. It has made me speak up, say what is on my mind (whether Chris likes it or not) and I think you would be proud.

Plan for a day, or plan for a life?

Posted by random olio

Why do we spend so many months and years planning for a day, when really we should be planning for our life? I have written a few blog posts that discuss marriages and weddings. I was shocked after reading this Fast Company article, specifically this quote:

“As the wedding industrial complex has ballooned to unprecedented sizes–wedding costs exceeds the median income in the U.S.”

Are people crazy? Who is spending over the median income to pay for a wedding, and how many years is it taking them to pay off their wedding bills? Are we trying to turn a wedding into this perfect day for ourselves, or all the guests that experience the day with us? Is it more about competing with the Jones’ that make this industry continue to balloon? Whatever happened to going to a church, or a park, or the beach, with some friends and family, saying your vows, and eating some food? Does spending as much as a good portion of a house make the marriage start off in a better way?

A wedding can be beautiful, it can be done in an elegant, classy, and inexpensive way. There are infinite ways to bring two lives and two families together without having to spend so much money. I get concerned that many of these weddings are either sending the parents who might be paying into an extreme amount of debt, effecting their future retirement, or that the couples themselves are going into major debt. Why start a marriage on an unstable financial foundation? Yes, maybe I am completely wrong and most weddings have been saved and paid for, but if wedding payment is anything like how our society lives on a regular basis, than most go on credit cards, only to incur a hefty APR and payments for many, many years to come.

Instead, how about starting a marriage on stable ground? Have the wedding you can afford, pay for it immediately, and continue to live your life accordingly. So I will say again: Why do we spend so many months and years planning for a day, when really we should be planning for our life?