Do you ask for what you want? Or are you shy about it and hem and haw, not sure you should speak up for what you want? I used to be quiet and banter around about what I wanted and then one day I spoke up. The next time it got easier, and easier, and easier. Now I am not shy about speaking up. I say what is on my mind.
Imagine what it would be like if we all said what was on our mind. If we never had to wonder what others thought, what information they might be hiding? Recently I found this article: “You Don’t Get What You Don’t Ask For” published in Inc. magazine online. As the article mentions, do we not speak up because of fear? Are we afraid that someone will turn us down? Are we afraid someone will say no? Are we just downright afraid? What makes us that way?
Dare to ask for what you want. Dare to take a risk. You have no idea what that risk could mean for you. It could change your life. If you had not taken that risk would you not have met your other half? Would you not have told them you loved them? If you had not been you in that interview, would you be in your current job? Would you know your good friend? Everyday we take risks. When we confront the nasty man at the grocery store, when we decide to fight back, and when we take a stand against an injustice.
If you do not ask you might not get that new project. You might not get to join them for lunch. You might not go on that trip. What is the worst that can happen if you ask? That someone will say no? Will that crush you? It should not, because all you have to do is ask. You really have nothing to lose but your pride. Right?
Remember: You get what you ask for. Ask for what you want.
We all struggle with others. Somedays are better than others. You know when a sibling, or co-worker bug you or just get on your nerves. We agonize over what happened yesterday, or the conversation we overheard. It often leads to different thoughts, not always good ones that cross our mind. We judge, question, and ponder what happened.
What if we took a step back and loved them anyways? Of course you probably love your sibling, but that does not mean we always hold love in our hearts for them. There is a difference. They might get on your nerves one day, and just because you love them does not mean the thoughts you think of them are ones of love, goodness, or happiness. So, what if you let go of what happened and hold only good thoughts for them? What would that do for you?
There have been days I have tried this, to just let go of what happened, and think only good thoughts about the person that has frustrated me. It is not easy. So often we want to saturate ourselves in the experience we had, the way we were treated or wronged, and we want to hold a grudge. What if we were bigger than that? What if we wallowed for just a second, and then let it go and moved on with our life? We could then free space in our mind and thoughts for good. Just as the quote to the left states…”the more you will establish good in yourself.”
I am going to try it this week. Thinking about the thoughts I think towards others, and deciding to let go of the crap, and think of the good. Others deserve that from us, and is it not what you would want from others?
Have you ever thought about how things often have to change in one person’s life before they can change in another’s? Think of a romantic relationship. One individual might be ready to find that perfect someone, but the person they might end up with could be working through a past relationship and is not ready to open up. I think of who I was and where I was at in my life in college. I would not have been the person I was when Chris met me. We would not have worked. Yet, at a later time in our life it was the right time, and it did work out.
The same is true for a job. There might be a specific company that you have always wanted to work for, but never got that job, then one day you do. As you look back at the different managers and leadership, you see that you probably would not have fit in years earlier, yet you do now. Of course you can now see that all in hindsight. Yet that information can help to direct us today. We are each where we are meant to be when we listen to our inner voice, and take the steps that come to us. Our inner voice. We all have a voice that we make the choice to listen to, or not. Often when we do not listen to that voice, we later do things that we regret. Ring a bell?
There is a right time, and a right place for everything. Maybe we will never end up working for that one company, or end up with that individual that we have always been interested in, but if we can know that right now, in this very moment we are where we are meant to be, we can stop wasting time wondering what our life will be like. Enjoy the now. Enjoy what is.
It hit me hard and felt like a colonic. Yes, that is what I said. It felt like a colonic. I have had one, I know what I am talking about. All the foggy thinking, gunk, and stirring thoughts and emotions were sucked out of my thought. A dilemma I have been agonizing over for the past few weeks, came clearly to me. I needed to shift my thought. I needed to change how I looked at this situation. It all happened after I came across this quote last week:
“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at will change.”
After a little Google sleuthing, I think it is a quote from Wayne Dyer. I am not sure if he means that by looking at a situation differently, we will see it differently. Or, if he means that by looking at a situation differently, the actual situation (or people involved will actually change). Maybe both would/could happen. Either way, it was an eye-opening moment for me. It has made me think about my little dilemma differently. How I approach it, how I think about it, and how I react to it. Hopefully, that means that it will resolve itself in a way that is better than I can even imagine.
Are there things in your life that could benefit from looking at them differently? Things within your marriage/relationship or with your family or friends? Is a work situation that you think is beyond repairable worth looking at differently and a slight shift gives you the answer(s) you need to realign, change course, and take a project to the next level? Just as I was hit hard, take some moments today, not to get an actual colonic, but to have a colonic of your thoughts. Clear out the gunk, change the way you look at things, and just maybe things will change.
Lately I have been thinking about the idea of context. So often we are only given a morsel of information, and it does not give the full picture. If we were given the full context of a situation, we might respond differently. Have you ever thought about it?
When you answer a question your child asks, do you answer it entirely, go the easy route, or give them the full context they need to ensure understanding? At work, when training a colleague, do you tell them just the details they need to know, or do you share the full context of why you have trained them a specific way? Might the entire picture help the training stick? It could allow them to fully understand why taking specific steps is so important. Does it help your spouse if you share the full story of why you might need them to run a few errands, or do you just ask that they go and do them?
Context tells the story. It weaves background information, and often gives the “why.” As I have been pondering context in my daily life, I have been trying to think about the full picture and when it is the right time to include context in a conversation. If you are giving a presentation on a topic you have been involved in for quite a few months, do you go to the nitty-gritty detail, or do you take a step back and give an overview first, make sure everyone listening to your presentation is on the same page, and then proceed with more specific detail? Does that help others to understand the full scope?
It helps. It really does. I am trying to approach each day ensuring that I give just the right amount of context (not too much, and not too little). My hope is that by sharing the necessary information, it will mean that others can make more educated decisions. Context shows that we are not just making decisions on a whim, but that there is a story that is directing us.