An example of: Grace, Patience, and Calm

Posted by random olio

I know I already gush about my husband, but many times my blogs just come right out of my fingertips without my knowing what I am going to say. This blog is a tribute to my husband.

I follow David Kanigan’s blog. This one on Grace really resonated with me. While it is a letter to a colleague of David’s that was retiring, the ideas he shared can apply to anyone. See my husband is a very patient man. It takes a lot, and I mean a lot to press his buttons. He is not going to yell and cuss at the guy that rudely drives past when he is already backing out of his parking space, he just shakes his head, waits, and then finishes backing up the car. He is not going to give someone the middle finger for cutting him off in traffic, or for being the one that takes the only parking space left, even when he is the one pulling into it first.

my better half

My husband is gentle, patient, and he keeps his cool. I am in awe. I am not always one to keep my cool. I am the one to yell when someone cuts me off in traffic, I am the backseat driver, and often a trash talker. (I know the other car cannot hear me, but it still feels good to let it out.) Chris always asks me, “do you feel better now?” or “did it help to go crazy telling them off when they cannot hear you?” Yes and yes. Chris on the other hand has grace. He might not like that I am stating that he is graceful, as I think many men might think that word has more connotations of something feminine, but sorry Chris, it is the truth. I love this quote from William Hazlett:

“Gracefulness has been defined to be the outward expression of the inward harmony of the soul.”

Chris, thank you for being an example to me for what is possible, and for being my conscience and my reminder that we can be better each day. As I said earlier, I am in awe of your strong example of grace.

Are you planning for your future?

Posted by random olio

Have you thought about where you might want to retire? I have not. Maybe it is my age, but I still feel like I have too much to experience in life before I know what I want to do in my retirement. However, whether I know where I want to retire or not, I am going to do all I can to plan for how I will support myself in retirement. The place will eventually be clear to us. In the meantime, we are doing what we can to put ourselves in the right financial place for retirement.

I have strong opinions about setting up a plan for saving for our future. I will tell you why. Just like you might eat well, or exercise so you can be around for many years to come for your children, you have to do the same with your financial future. When my parents passed on, they had not a single penny put away for retirement. I do not blame them. They had to use whatever income they did have to make sure we had food on the table. My mom often worked a few jobs to make that happen. They did not have the luxury to even think about their retirement, and yet when they passed on in their fifties they had not a penny to their name. I have no idea what they would have done if they had lived. Would I, or my siblings be taking care of them?

Life is different now. It used to be that folks would have a pension and Social Security. These days I am not sure that Social Security will be around when I am in retirement. Because of that possibility, Chris and I believe we have to do our own part to ensure we have the funds available to retire. If Social Security is around then it will just be icing on the cake. Yet, according to Fidelity Investments, “41% of couples surveyed in 2011 do handle retirement decisions together—which leaves about one in six couples who don’t.” It is an interesting article, definitely worth reading further.

Yet, I am a bit shocked. 41% is not enough. I am grateful for the 41% of couples that are talking, but what about the other 59%? And, of the 41% that are talking, are they saving, or just talking? How many of you are taking care of your future? Have you begun saving for retirement? It is not an exciting topic, but an important one to ensure that we can continue to live, retire, and enjoy our future.

Vulnerability leads to intersection

Posted by random olio

A few months ago, I finished reading the book: “The Longest Way Home” by Andrew McCarthy. For those of you that do not know who McCarthy is, he first became known as an actor in “St. Elmo’s Fire” and “Pretty in Pink.” I also recently remember watching him in “Lipstick Jungle” until it was cancelled. He is now a travel writer, and his book shares many travel experiences in addition to the lead up to his second marriage. He calls his new wife: “D.” The following quote resonated with me because it is often how I operate:

“D’s willingness to emotionally invest in others and make herself vulnerable allows her to inhabit her humanity to a degree that still baffles me. Why would anyone who is so strong-willed, so self-sufficient, want to make herself vulnerable to someone else? D would say that what is most important in life is family, connection, and community. Loving someone, she will say, is the only thing that matters and is worth the price of relinquishing control.” page 63

I agree. Almost. While I might make myself vulnerable in many situations, I have a hard time relinquishing control. Emotionally investing in others and being vulnerable is how I believe you get close to others. Often I think I open up about myself, however, only in the way of sharing experiences. What is harder for me is being vulnerable in a way where I actually ask for help. Rarely do I put myself out there in that way.

My vulnerability happens by sharing what I have learned, am learning, and how the road of life intersects with someone else’s experience. True connection I believe is found by intersections. Being transparent and open about your life and your beliefs can start the march towards intimacy. As long as the other individual is willing and open to be present with that emotional vulnerability. If they are not, it can be a waste of time. Or is it?

All of this comes to me after reading his book. Vulnerability allows us to intersect our humanity. I have a hunch that we all could tap into our vulnerability, slide off that iPhone, walk away from our computer, go down the hall and connect with someone new. What would that feel like? To try to be vulnerable and intersect the life of one person each day. Share from your life experience, be vulnerable, and intersect lives. All for the vein of love, humanity, and connection.

Are you with me?

Who Sees Your Potential?

Posted by random olio

Do you see your full potential? Or, do you have someone in your life that sees what you are capable of? There are always times in our life when we feel stuck and we need someone else to help us to look at our life and world with a new lens. I recently found this quote by Susane Colasanti on the Aubrey Road blog:

“One of the most amazing things that can happen is finding someone who sees everything you are and won’t let you be anything less. They see the potential of you. They see endless possibilities. And through their eyes, you start to see yourself the same way.”

-Susane Colasanti

There are moments in all of our lives when we have a harder time seeing the full potential in ourselves. We may feel bogged down by work, stressed out by family obligations, or just unclear on what our purpose is in life. We need that person that sees us for all our sassiness and knows what we are capable of when we cannot see it for ourselves. The person that pushes us to turn over the lump of coal and see the diamond in the rough. Sometimes it is one person, and other times it could be multiple people in our life that see our potential and push us to look at life in new ways.

When we are too weak, cloudy, or broken down they help us to fight for ourselves. When we are not taking care of ourselves, or do not treat others well, this someone can act like a mirror for us to truly see how we are acting. It might mean they tell us that we need to work less and play more. Or maybe, we need to stop being scared and go back to school and take our career to new and different levels. Or it might be that we need to challenge and stand up to a family member, and past attempts have not been successful.

They cheer us on, anchor us, and coach. They praise and give us words of affirmation when we need them, hold us together when we need it most, and yell and challenge us when we need to hear something strong and loud. The result? We believe, get inspired, and move towards our potential. We thrive.

Who in your life sees your potential?

Strength, Courage, and Resilience

Posted by random olio

A few days ago I finished reading a book that just came out: “Bend, Not Break” by Ping Fu. It is about a woman who grew up during the Cultural Revolution in China, raised herself from the age of eight (as well as her four-year old sister), was later forced to leave China, went on to start a 3D rendering company, Geomagic, and has invented amazing technology that continues to evolve at a rapid pace.

I was fascinated by her story, the perseverance she showed in life, to come from terrible circumstances and educate herself, and go on to create software products that impact the lives of so many. We do not even realize the impact Fu’s products have had on us. She created the software technology that makes Invisalign, can scan a plane to determine what issues it might have, can create replica’s of the Statue of Liberty in case it needs to be rebuilt. The list goes on, and I encourage you to read her book to learn more about Geomagic. I was fascinated.

Her life story has inspired me to realize that we can always do more. With each hurdle in her personal or professional life, she creatively found a way to get through it all. It might not have been the right way from the perspective of those around her, but they were her decisions and choices. I love an idea that Fu shared called “Three Friends of Winter.” It is often found in art in China. She speaks of this idea a few times throughout her book. It was told to her by her Shanghai Papa (more details about him when you read her memoir). This is a stream of a conversation with Fu and Shanghai Papa (I have put all the ideas together to make the conversation shorter):

“There are three friends of winter: the pine tree, the plum blossom, and bamboo. Pine trees are strong. They remain happy and green throughout the year. In the unbearable heat of summer and the severe cold of winter, they stand unperturbed. The crimson petals of the plum blossom gleam brilliantly against the white snow. The ability to bloom in the midst of misfortune suggests dignity and forbearance under harsh circumstances. Bamboo is flexible, bending with the wind but never breaking, capable of adapting to any circumstance. It suggests resilience, meaning that we have the ability to bounce back from even the most difficult times.” page 10

So the pine tree, plum blossom, and bamboo are reminders to us about staying strong, courageous, and resilient. Thank you Fu for sharing your strength and life story.