What, what? An unkept Barbie?

Posted by random olio

Okay, I confess. I was a Barbie girl. You would not find me playing with horses, or GI Joes, I was 100% a Barbie girl. You could bring over your horse or GI Joe, but I would only play if it meant that Barbie would be involved. I do not know if it was considered a lot, but I had about 10 different Barbies, in addition to the townhouse (with string powered elevator) and the hair salon. I was obsessed with changing their outfits, combing their hair, and even gave one a haircut. Little did I know that Barbie’s hair would not grow back like mine always had.

my one saved Barbie

Yesterday when I saw this article on the Huffington Post. I had to laugh. What would Barbie look like without her makeup on? Click the above link to see. In my mind, she looks like an exhausted mom. Even so, I think that Mattel should sell a Barbie without makeup. It would show little girls that women are real, and they are beautiful with and without makeup. We do not always look amazing in the morning, and sometimes we do. Either way the reality should be present in toys that kids purchase. Free of fake eyelashes, eyeshadow, and foundation to cover up moles.

I wonder what it would have been like if my Barbie dolls looked like real woman (even in the way their feet are formed) would I have had a different idea of beauty as I grew up? Luckily I got makeup out of my system at an early age, and eventually formulated my own view of what was beautiful to me, and makeup was not on that list. I know the discourse and dialogue around creating an anatomically correct Barbie doll is old news, but I still think it needs to happen. I wonder though if makeup free, “accurate” dolls were created, would little girls be interested? Have we created little monsters?

Hopefully the trend can be reversed and there can be a happy medium. Instead of Barbie without makeup that looks exhausted and worn out, we could just have natural Barbie that has flat feet, wears her Chacos, looks energized, and maybe just wears lip gloss. Is that too much to ask?

Shut up and write!

Posted by random olio

I love badass writers like Natalie Goldberg. I can remember reading her book: “Writing Down the Bones” in college. I still have it and pick it up every so often. One of the many things I love about Goldberg is her language, and how blunt she is about writing. Shelf Awareness recently had an interview with Goldberg that I wanted to share:

“Tell us a little about the phrase ‘shut up and write.” Oh It’s everything. Shut up and eat. Shut up and live your life. Shut up and run. We have such a monkey mind that goes on and on. I’m having trouble writing; I should hire a psychiatrist to discuss it. I need a really nice studio. I need a comfortable cafe. Finally, stop all this. Just shut up, pick up the pen and get moving. And really, it’s what I have said from the beginning. That’s really the only teaching you need.”

She is so right on. How often do we make excuses for what we are not doing, or why we are not doing it? If you want something badly enough, make it happen. Make the time, shut up and do it. Yes, I will admit that there are often times that we have competing responsibilities, work, home life, family that mean we do not have the same kind of time to focus on what we really want to do, but we can always make the time. How many of you can fit in an extra episode of American Idol, or Breaking Bad (fill in the blank for your guilty TV pleasure)? Yes, I am raising my hand. I often fill my brain-dead moments with some TV each night, but should I? Sometimes yes, but sometimes no. Sometimes I should get quiet and write.

When you start to complain about not having the right computer, desk, environment, etc, then get your head out of your ass and sit your butt down and write. Focus. Let it flow. Be present. Write.

#Shut up and do it.

We need to be ALIVE

Posted by random olio

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” –Howard Thurman

Alive. What is it that makes you feel that way? What makes your heart beat fast, gets you excited and energized to be present in each moment? I love the way my heart pounds after a really good workout. It feels like a feat each time. A sense of completion. Some days are easier than others, some harder, some are a struggle. The hardest part is getting dressed, lacing up, and going. Once I start moving, I feel alive. Proud. Happy. Sometimes exhausted. On those tough days, at least I laced up and tried. I moved. I pushed myself. I started.

What is it that you do that makes you come alive? Is it solving a problem? Exercising? Listening? What lights your fire, gets you excited, and brings the true you to the surface? Sometimes for me it can be that aha moment with a friend or co-worker, when you have solved that problem together, or when you connect on a level you never expected. Other times it is when I am sitting on the couch reading a book and I have an idea pop into my mind. It is the answer I have been needing, or patiently waiting for, it was the resolution to a problem.

If I were to go and do the same job every day, with no variety, no changes, no ambiguity, then I would be bored. What keeps me feeling alive is the ever-changing landscape of work, family, friends. It is the question of how to do what we do, but better. How to be a better wife, a better sister, a better friend. Evolving as a person, learning, growing, changing, that is what makes me feel alive. Whole. That is what makes me roar, sing, and laugh.

What makes you feel most alive?

How do you ask for help?

Posted by random olio

Do you ask others for help? It is extremely hard for me. I have always struggled with it. Part of it I believe has to do with my issues with trusting others, and whether they will actually come through for me, but the rest I think results from having to do so much on my own at such an early age. I lost my parents when I was young, but most specifically my mom. I was just two months past 16 when she died. My sister was a strong force in my life, but at the end of the day she had her own life to live, and I was without a mom. My mom was sick for many years before she passed on, so I became resourceful early on. I learned that if I wanted something I would have to figure out how to attain it on my own.

Many years later I have wondered if my attempts to attain goals has been rooted in that early life dilemma to ruthlessly figure it out on my own. I rarely ask for help and, often, when I do, if I do not like what I hear, I pave my own way, steamroller and all. That does not mean that I steamroll others, more that I am going to do what I have set my mind to do.

Recently I read the book: “The Dance of Connection” by Harriet Lerner, and she shares an experience with a woman I think I would relate to:

“But this very same woman has enormous difficulty sharing her feelings of vulnerability with anyone close to her. A real do-it-yourself, she rarely acknowledges her own need for help and support. While she intellectually believes in the healing power of confiding in others, she herself is no good at it. As the eldest child of alcoholic parents, she had no experience of voicing her emotional needs and having them met. As an adult, she gains deep satisfaction from her capacity to give generously and to take care of others, but she is profoundly guarded against letting anyone return the favor. When she does share a serious problem, it’s as if she’s fiercely sweeping the ground in front of her to keep the other person from getting near her or emotionally connecting with her pain.” Page 42

There are countless times when I would go out and help anyone and everyone, but if asked if they can return the favor, I am at a loss for words. Partly, it is that the offer is freaky to me. I am not used to others asking if they can be of help. It is also that I am as the author says, “sweeping the ground” to keep others at a distance. I have often wondered if there is a way to put down the broom, and let others in. It is not easy, but I try to leave the broom in the garage, and invite others in, it just does not happen every time.

Any tips to keeping the dirt on the porch, and the offers open?

Women are badass!

Posted by random olio

The statistics are overwhelming. Violence against women is horrifying. The number of rapes, sexual acts against women, and physical or domestic violence against women is beyond believable. Yet it happens every moment of every day.

Today I do not want to talk about the violence. I do not want to think about rape or hatred against women. I want to think about love. I want to think about all the men that adore their wives, girlfriends, and daughters. I want to think about the laughter, the joy, and of all the men that encourage the women in their lives to be their badass selves. Those are the men we need to champion. Those are the men that need to stand tall and be an example for violent men. You can be a man and love your woman. You can be a man and be head over heels for your woman. Love her. Cuddle her. Allow her badass self to shine through and bless the world.

I am one of those women. My man lets my badass self shine through. He lets me be ME. Even if I sometimes makes him blush by being myself. Even if I may embarrass him. I get to be me.

Today is International Women’s Day. To all men out there, let your women shine. Let them be free. Let them be their authentic selves. Cherish them. Love them. Pamper them. To all women out there. Shine. Be free. Pamper yourself. Pamper other women. Today is a day to hug, love, and appreciate womanhood.

This song was just released today. It is called: “One Woman.”