Trust me

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Why should I trust you? Should we trust people immediately when we meet them, or should they have to earn our trust? Most of the time I give people the benefit of the doubt that they can be trusted, but if they do something that crosses that line that makes them not trustworthy, they will have to work hard to earn my trust back.

Trust is a crucial topic in my life. It is the cornerstone of my marriage, imperative in my friendships, and integral in my daily work life. My approach consists of giving others the space and opportunity to show me who they are, and if they follow through with what they have committed to me, it allows me to continue to be open and transparent with them. If the space and openness I have provided is tarnished by dishonesty, or missed commitments, the relationship becomes more closed. I no longer want to open up or share of myself with them.

Is it so hard, or so much to ask to be honest, and do what you say you will do? In my marriage, that means that we are completely transparent with each other. We say the tough stuff, are blunt with each other, and hold each other accountable to the commitments we have agreed to with each other. It is not always easy, and can sometimes be work, but it is always worth it in the long run.

At work, I know that everyone does things in their own way, and there are numerous ways to handle tasks and projects. I am not worried about how someone goes about a project so much as that they are honest, do it well, and follow through on the commitments they made. Good work, honesty, and follow through to me are the foundation of trust in good working relationships. Once I know that my colleagues meet those standards, then trust comes easy to me. Trust among my co-workers has led to some amazing connections and friendships along the way.

Maybe this blog makes me sound like a bitch, but I have very high standards. Trust is the glue in relationships. With trust, relationships are open and transparent. Without it, intimacy is closed.

Unexpected tears

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I have said quite a few times on this blog that I am not a crier. I do not cry over normal things — a rough day or when I have been mistreated. No, for those days I rant. I stand up for myself, and I do what I can to make it better. When I do cry, the tears flow for what I cannot control. For moments that are no longer possible. I cry when I witness the human yearning for the physical touch between two people that is no longer possible, or for the experiences in my life that are no longer possible.

Yesterday someone at work asked the question of what recent movie or television show made us cry. It got me thinking.

My initial answer was the television show: Parenthood. I could not remember the most recent TV show or movie, and that was the first show that came to mind. There was an episode a few months ago, where the daughter from one family was going off to college. When her parents said goodbye at the airport, she acted like it was no big deal that she was leaving them, and walked off towards her gate. A few moments later she walks back and embraces her parents, and the moment I see them embrace I am bawling. It is a random moment of sobbing that I never expected, and the thought that comes to me: I never experienced my parents sending me off to college. My tears are from an experience I never had.

After thinking about all that, I remembered the exact show I most recently watched. It was a Showtime series that just ended called: The Big C. Yes, the show was about cancer. The main actress in the show is Laura Linney and because I like her so much I watched her show, even though it was about her having cancer. Yes, it was depressing at times, and yes the final few shows were very depressing, and yes I cried. I got to thinking though, in some ways the show is brilliant. Why you might ask? Because it was about reality. How many shows actually talk to you about what it might be like to go through having cancer?

For this show, Laura’s character has a son and she struggles with what it will be like for him if she dies. She struggles so much that she rents a storage unit and buys him a present for all his future birthdays (a car for his 21st, and many other great gifts for his other birthdays) and if she dies she wants him to have a key to the storage unit. Then one day near the end of the series she decides that she wants to see his face open each gift. She wants to experience each of those birthdays with him. So, yes, she takes them to the storage unit and they open his gifts together, laughing and crying together.

I cried, and cried, and cried watching that episode. I cried for the birthdays I did not have with my parents, I cried for my friends and coworkers who have lost their family and friends to cancer. I cried for the longing of losing someone. I cried for someone nearing death pondering what they will miss out on. And, I wonder, did others cry like I did when they watched this episode?

I am the unexpected crier. I cry at the strangest times, when emotion hits me strong, and I often do not cry when most might expect it. We are all wired differently and our deep triggers move something inside that open the flood gates and we are never the same.

Home

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After traveling for a week, I am home. I have a big dopey grin on my face as I think about being home. We should all feel that way. Do you? I love thinking about crawling onto my clean sheets and into the bed that I love, right next to my hubby. As I look around my home to the things that are me, to the things that make it feel like home to us, and I sigh and take a moment to be grateful that my taste and Chris’ align. I know what you may be thinking. We should be taking our sense of home with us wherever we go. I do not disagree. Yes, as cheesy as I know it sounds, whenever or wherever I am with Chris, I feel home. But I am talking about that deep and wonderful feeling of appreciation for your physical home.

There are times when we might travel to a different city and love where we are and what we are exploring, but still end the day wishing we were sitting on our couch, or going to sleep in our bed. Eventually arriving home, it is like a breath of fresh air walking inside, opening up our bags, dropping our crusty clothes into the laundry, showering, and crawling into bed with joy and appreciation that we are home, and that all is good. Do you know the feeling?

We are all creatures of habit, and I am one that thoroughly enjoys being at home. The more I enjoy my house, and the more I cultivate the interior and exterior, the more it becomes my solace after a long day or week. The comfort of my home becomes the balance I need after an exhausting extroverted day, and allows me to nurture the introverted part of myself. A clutter free, clean, and purpose-filled place to rest my body and mind is how I recharge, which allows me to embark and take on the world.

What about you? Do you like things to be pristine and spotless? Does that ground and balance you when you come home from a long day, or is it about the items you have found from your travels that tell the story about your home? Is it the smell of your coffee maker filling the room, or the pitter patter of your dog’s paws across the hardwood floor? Is it the memories and events that happened in your home that make it feel special to you? Or, is it the people you share your home with that make your house a home to you?

I hope you feel you can come home from work, take off your bra, or strip to your boxers, let go of the challenges of the day, and unwind.

What does home mean and feel like to you?

Start with the basics

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Some of you that follow my blog know that I have a passion for money management. My passion evolved because I wanted to make sure that I truly understood what we were doing with our money, and that I trusted the information we were using to make our money decisions. I cannot do that in a vacuum. It means I have to read, learn, and ask the right questions. This recent Daily Worth had an idea that resonated with me:

“Money management is like cooking, or fixing a car or anything else you can learn,” says Myers. “But if you tell yourself you’re simply not good at it, you’re less likely to take steps to learn the basics you need to be financially healthy.”

I have to agree. While I am not a cook, I would feel comfortable calling myself a baker. I learned over time how to work with dough and understand why a recipe called for baking soda rather than baking powder. I am still learning new things about baking, and enjoy trying out new recipes. The same goes for money management. As the world changes and evolves fast, we have to shift and adjust with it, and be aware of whether the decisions we have made in the past continue to serve us, or if we need to adjust our financial allocations based on changes in the market, and our lifestyle.

Some individuals work with a financial planner that they trust, others rely on friends and family, and some look to books, the news, and the Internet to help inform them on what decisions they make regarding their money. Whatever step you take, I encourage you to continue to learn. Maybe you are young and a beginner, or you might have a family and are looking now at how to save for your children’s future, wherever you are in life, there is always something to learn that can benefit you today and in the future.

Don’t give up.

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Over the weekend, Chris and I were in LA. We rented a car, and after driving it for an hour or so, we realized it sounded horrible. It was a 2013 Prius, and was making the most annoying rattling noise. Knowing that we had an hour + drive ahead of us later that night, we both felt we needed to get a different car to ensure that we were not stranded with a broken down car late at night. (Not my idea of a good time).

First we called the closest Hertz location. No answer. We called the 800 number for Hertz Roadside Assistance. They said we would have to go back to the LAX location where we rented the car. Not an option, we would have sat in LA traffic both ways and never would have made it to our dinner plans. We drove to the Hertz location listed as closest (the one that did not answer the phone). It was not at the specified address. An hour has now passed.

We called Roadside Assistance again, and were transferred to another area within Hertz and got hung up on. We called another location in the vicinity, and they said they had no cars and that we should go back to LAX or call the Hertz 800 number. We called the 800 number, they said they would transfer us to the Venice Hertz. The man who answered that phone call said he would call a few different locations, took my number, and said he would call back. He never called back. We called Roadside Assistance again, and they said they would transfer us to Customer Care. We were disconnected.

By this time, I was livid, frustrated, and quite a bit nasty with Hertz. During my final call to Roadside Assistance, the agent tells me there is nothing they can do for me, the only people who can help me is the LAX location, but that I would need to go there to have them swap out cars. They let me know that Hertz Roadside Assistance can do nothing for all the frustration, hang-ups, my only resolution is at the LAX location (they supposedly have cars). By this time we are in Sherman Oaks, and a few hours have passed.

I call the LAX location at least 10 times, and each time I get a voicemail. I do not want to leave a voicemail, because who knows when anyone will return it. The agent tells me they cannot help me, after I get very irritated with her, and ask her what she would want done if she was in my situation, she agrees, but says she can no do anything to help me. I firmly ask to speak with her manager, (who I find out is Fred). Fred and I will spend the next few hours trading phone calls and voicemails. Hertz must not teach or empower their managers to think for themselves. He tells me there is nothing he can do for us, the only thing we can do is drive back to LAX and trade out for a new car. I knew that was not going to happen. So we had to decide to push further with Hertz, or give up all the hours we already wasted in our day and just drive north with the potential that our car will break down.

I am not one to give up. I press on. I tell him I am in Sherman Oaks, and will be for the next few hours. Could he find a location near me that can bring us a new car? He finds one at Burbank and tells me I have to drive there. I tell him that is not going to happen. We have plans and I have already wasted 5 hours of my afternoon being hung up on and trying to deal with his company. The least they could do is bring a car to us. He finds a Nissan Altima and says a tow truck will come to meet us, but it will be a few hours. I ask what he is going to do with my rental rate after giving us a car that was not 100%, having such horrible help and customer service issues, and that I lost half my day due to Hertz. He said there was nothing he could do. Eventually he says he will pay for our gas when we returned the Altima.

Ha. Our gas. Part of the reason for renting the Prius in California was the miles we were going to drive. I knew we would not have to pay much for gas, so his comping our gas was nothing. I asked him if he could comp a day, since we did not get to do all we wanted due to the car. He said he could not do that, but would comp me the gas. After I yell at him, and he yells at me, I hand the phone off to Chris. I am livid and sweating, and not going to give up. I used to be in customer service and I am appalled that someone who manages an entire Hertz location does not have the authority to fix these types of issues.

In the end, Chris told them if he did not fix this, and make it right, that I would end up taking it up the line at Hertz (and yes, I will be writing them a letter, and will be happy to share this blog post with them). He mentioned that I have a blog, and I will be sure to make my experience known so that others do not have a similar situation in the future. Fred said, “well we do not want that, let me call my manager.” He called us back and offered a day off our rental and to pay for our gas. In the end:

  1. Hertz delivered the car to us in Sherman Oaks.
  2. It was another Prius… new, with only 1,300 miles.
  3. Our gas was only $10.17 to fill it back up… we paid for it.
  4. We got one day comped on our rental.

Customer service representatives should always ask for phone numbers and call customers back if they get disconnected. My health insurance provider does that, and I appreciate it. Companies should also empower customer service agents and managers to be able to offer their customers some type of compensation when issues arise.

I wanted to share this in hopes that others will not give up if in a similar situation. What do you think?