Dana Adam Shapiro

I recently finished the book: “You Can Be Right [or You Can Be Married]” by Dana Adam Shapiro. I wrote a blog post about it recently sharing a quote about whether your eyes light up when kids walk into a room. His book is definitely worth the read if you are contemplating marriage, or wondering if your current relationship will take it to that next level to marriage. Of course I should clarify that I am not looking to change anything in my marriage, I read a great review on his book and decided it might be worth the read. It really is a fairly good book for anyone married or not.

Shapiro interviews many different individuals about their current and past marriages and shares excerpts from these sessions. A recent conversation with a co-worker reminded me of this quote from Shapiro’s book:

“The problem, I think, is that we get so giddy at the prospect of having found ‘the one’ that we airbrush ourselves—and our partners—into a corner. Desperate to connect, we unwittingly self-sabotage through brazen acts of self-promotion, and like most forms of advertising, the pitch distorts the truth. Better to just be honest; every lie requires a lifetime of maintenance. What really turns you on? What really freaks you out? “ page 16

This scares me. We have become so concerned with finding the “one” and not losing them that we turn into someone else. It makes me want to jump up and down in a rant, scream and yell, and beat my chest in hopes that all of you out there that are pretending to be someone else will wake up, hear me, and snap out of it. Be who you are. Be who you are with excitement and glee. If that boy or girl, man or woman is not interested in you, then walk away. Walk away now. It is not worth wasting your time and energy to hide behind yourself. Be honest. Be direct. Be blunt. Be you.

I ask you in my long and meandering rant. Are you telling your spouse, partner, girlfriend, boyfriend, friend what does turn you on or freaks you out? Do you yourself know what turns you on or freaks you out? Are they still there? Good. Do they hold you to it? Do they challenge and push you to keep charging down the road towards what turns you on? Do they hold your hand as you encounter what freaks you out? Do you know and do the same for them? Good.

If you do not know, find out. If you are afraid to open that door, do not wait. Kick that door in. Let it splinter and break. And, leave the airbrush and paint at the fair. Your time is now.

I recently read a book called: “You Can Be Right [or You Can Be Married]” by Dana Adam Shapiro. While the book has more to do with marriage (which I might tell you about in a future post), the following quote is what inspired me today as I think about all the precious little munchkins that came by my house in their costumes last night. It makes me think about all the times my parent’s face did or did not light up when I came into a room.

“Ms. Morrison explained that it’s interesting to watch what happens when a child walks into a room. She asked, “Does your face light up?” She explained, “When my children used to walk in the room when they were little, I looked at them to see if they had buckled their trousers or if their hair was combed or if their socks were up…You think your affections and your deep love is on display because you’re caring for them. It’s not. When they see you, they see the critical face. What’s wrong now? Her advice was simple, but paradigm-shifting for me. She said, “Let your face speak what’s in your heart. When they walk in the room my face says I’m glad to see them. It’s just as small as that, you see?” page 223

Aww…this almost brings tears to my eyes. I can feel the tears there, just waiting. This is such a great reminder of how we need to be present and aware of how we come across to little bambinos. Having said all that, I think this still applies to adults too. What if our face lit up when we saw our spouses, family, and co-workers walk into a room. How would it feel if others reacted in that way towards us? Would we feel more loved and connected to others if we saw them light up when we arrived?

I thought about this yesterday when I answered the doorbell for those costumed munchkins. I knelt down with my bowl of candy and talked to them at their level. I looked at them face-to-face. I saw their excitement and energy for Halloween. I was inspired by their exuberance. That is my challenge to myself, to approach the munchkins and bambinos I encounter with the light in my eyes, and my heart on my face. I will let that all speak for itself.

Are you with me!?