Decisions, decisions…

Posted by random olio

I was driving to work the other day, when it hit me (no not a car), but a thought. We have to make decisions moment by moment throughout the day. We have to decide: do we go through the yellow light, or stop? Do we honk at the car in front of us? Do we get exasperated? Do we respond nastily to a bad situation? Do we say what another wants us to hear?

We are constantly encountering decisions that have to be made. Do we do a good job at handling them? Probably not always. Do we have a good track record? That depends on the person. Do we get burnt out on making decisions? Of course. I have days when I will tell Chris: I cannot make another decision today. I am burnt out. I do not want to weigh in on dinner or decide on what movie we might watch. I just want to have someone decide for me. It does not happen very often, but sometimes I have eaten too much of the decision meal. No room for dessert. No passing Go. I am done.

How can we feel refreshed and clear-headed in order to go back into the game of decisions? It might depend on what we do for a living. Do we have to make decisions at work, or do we mostly execute on other’s decisions? When we come home has a spouse figured out the game plan for the rest of the day or week, or is it up to us? Having to make a long list of decisions can wear anyone thin.

To recharge might mean trying to take away the long list of decisions whenever possible. Can you make decisions over the weekend that will help you not have to make them in the evenings after a long day of work? Can you plan ahead? At times when I feel overwhelmed, I try to break down the decision I have to make into smaller questions. If I can answer each of those, at times it helps with the larger decision. I am also a big proponent of justification. What I mean by that, is often I will think, if I decide this now, it will mean I will be able to do this later. If my choice means maybe sacrificing something later to get something now, then I am justifying why I made my decision. It often works for me.

What do you do to help cut down, ease, or lessen the decisions you have to make?

My marriage secret: 51/49

Posted by random olio

If you are married, you will probably understand what I am about to tell you. You know that Sunday afternoon when it is slightly cold out, but it is past time to clear the leaves out of the gutters? When you ask your husband if maybe this is the day to clean them out, and they look at you with raised eyebrows because they know it is:

a) a good day for it

b) past time for it to be done

c) they do not want to get on the roof and clean the gutters

d) they know you are right

You say to your husband: “51/49” which equates to: time to clean the gutters.

You might ask: What is this 51/49? Chris and I have a little mantra for our marriage that we joke about together. “51/49” is what we call it. Basically the short and dirty of it is that I have 51% say and he has 49% say in decisions. I know what you are thinking. Either: “That is not fair” or “Wow, lucky woman.” Whatever you are thinking, save it. It works for us. Chris has always had the idea in his mind: “Happy wife; happy life.” You can guess correctly that I like it. I have the most wonderful husband (I already know I do so you do not have to tell me).

You may ask why I am telling you this – especially when I have also just told you that he only gets 49% say. Well, in the end 51/49 is our inside joke. It is our decision-making motto. Yes, there are many decisions that we make together. Definitely the big ones, buying a house, moving to a different city, making large purchases, you know the drill. Yet, on the day-to-day level, I often plot out the plan for our life. I carve out what is next, make a plan, and divvy up the details for us both to execute. Partly because I am on point for driving us forward with those plans, I often use 51/49 to make sure things happen. If we are torn about where to have dinner and I have a strong opinion, I might mention 51/49. With a grin on his face, and the knowledge that it is our little joke, Chris might lean my way. Or, he might decide to bring his own plan to the mix and test my 51/49. Yes, it is fun, and yes, it has proven very effective in our marriage.

51/49 is also a reminder to us to take good care of each other. I try just as hard to look out for and pamper Chris as he does for me. We do it in different ways, but we love to find ways to make sure we both share in living a happy life together.

I grew up in a family where my father made the decisions (whether right, smart, wrong, or not thought through), while my mom did almost everything in the house. It was always evident to me that my dad made the decisions. It was his way or the highway. I knew I never wanted to be in that kind of marriage. First, I am too strong-willed. Second, I wanted to be in a relationship where we shared and made decisions together. 51/49 works for us.

What do you think of our marriage secret?

Cranky passion…respect for another’s time

Posted by random olio

Do you ever get stuck on something that you have extreme passion over? To the point of being cranky about it?

I sometimes get frustrated when others in my life decide not to plan for certain events and I am impacted. You inquire about their plans, ask if they have decided, and in the end you are impacted by their indecision. At times like these I prefer to just cancel the plans and move on with my life. I get cranky with them. Maybe it is because it feels like they are not communicating and they are not thinking about how their unresponsiveness may impact your life. It means they are not respecting your time or appreciating what might be happening in your life. In the end it is selfish of them.

I try not to do this to others. I try to be aware of how my decision might affect others, and communicate with them if I know my indecisiveness might affect them. I let them know I am unsure. I tell them that if they need to move forward with their plans without me to go ahead and do so.

I know I should not judge others for the decisions they make in life, but it is hard. It means that there are missed opportunities. I want to be sure to teach my future kids to be respectful of other people’s time. It is like going to a meeting and other individuals in the meeting are not prepared and when they come to the meeting they are on their phone or computer. Are they respecting our time? Is that fair? If you are in that situation do you tell the other attendees to reschedule and reconvene when they are prepared?

How can we get others to respect the time of everyone we come into contact with? Is it even possible? What do you think?