Say no to 1,000 things

Everything in the universe at this moment is telling me that my biggest lesson in life is about saying “NO.” Each day I find an article, read a book, have a conversation that reiterates the ongoing dilemma I have with life. What can I truly handle? Have I bitten off more than I can chew? Yes, and no. It really depends. I do know that I need to figure out a way to scale back. Part of that means that I have to say “No” more and more and more. How does one do that when your modus operandi is to help others, solve problems, and to try to make the world a better place one day at a time?

I wanted to share a few of the ideas that have been bombarding my thoughts these last few days. I came across this Steve Jobs quote:

“People think focus means saying yes to the thing you’ve got to focus on. But that’s not what it means at all. It means saying no to the hundred other good ideas that there are. You have to pick carefully. I’m actually as proud of the things we haven’t done as the things I have done. Innovation is saying no to 1,000 things.”

If I could truly do what Jobs said, maybe I could have a fraction of the success he had in life. It has become a common theme for me these past few weeks and months to figure out how to scale back at work and at home and yet life feels like it is a treadmill on the highest speed, and sometimes at the highest incline. At times it feels like the buttons are inoperable and I am not able to adjust to the appropriate speed, so it means running crazy fast and then wondering how long I can sustain the speed.

There was this Fast Company article called: “The Exact Amount of Time You Should Work Every Day” that shared this idea:

Make Realistic To-Do Lists: “We often bog down our to-do lists and make them not feasible for us to accomplish [plus] we underestimate how long it’s going to take us to do something,” says Sexton.

Prioritize tasks. Choose three major tasks to focus on for the day and add other tasks as they pop up throughout the day to a separate list, readjusting your priorities throughout the day if required. It’s a lot easier to look at a list of three tasks than 30. Once you knock off the first three items, choose your next three priorities from your lengthier list.

I do not feel like I have a problem with To-Do Lists, tracking what I need to do, or prioritizing my tasks. I feel it is having too much happening at once. Too many projects to track on, too many deliverables, and not enough time or bandwidth to execute or strategize on how to make it all happen.

How have you learned to say, “No?” Teach me. I want to learn. I want to know what has worked for you.

Learning To Say NO

I took a break for the Fourth of July. Slept in, sat out in the wonderfully warm sun (finally), went for a run and chilled with my hubby. Sorry folks, no fireworks shows for me. Just needed a nice quiet day yesterday. So now to the gist of my blog, saying: “NO.”

Are you good at saying “NO” when you need to? I am not. I grew up as a pleaser, and am trying to unlearn these behaviors. I think I now know why I am such a pleaser.

When I was 10 or so, my mom was sick. Life at home was not so fun. My parents fought a lot, eventually ending in my dad leaving, they separated and later divorced. I think I felt there was enough going on at home, that if I caused problems or was dramatic, that I would only make an already crazy and intense environment even worse. So I just tried to be good all the time, and I turned into a pleaser. For the most part I was the good daughter and granddaughter. That trickled into school, eventually to high school, college, and then the business world.

While I believe I found my voice in college, I still find it hard to say “No.” Maybe it is because I do not want to hurt anyone’s feelings, maybe it is because I try to do everything, and maybe it is because I do not want others to think I am not capable. Whatever the given reason, it is time for me to learn to say “No” without hesitation.

This Daily Om from last week inspired me to think about saying “No.” As mentioned in the article, we often have abilities that have been underused. My “No” mechanism has been underused. I need to say “No” to set better boundaries for myself and not feel guilty about it!

How did you learn to say “No?” Is it easy for you?