I often feel like my belly is the inside of a bouncy castle, or a trampoline. This ‘lil man inside me is one active guy. There are days when I love it and think about what he must be doing inside there, and there are other days when it drives me nuts and all I want is a bit of peace, quiet, and less jostling happening inside. This past week has felt like an incredibly active week!
So when I saw this I thought, maybe I should have mini Conk make his first painting later this week when we have a bit of downtime over the holiday and when he has a particularly active span of time. I am a fan of abstract painting and there is something slightly surreal about having the movement of your unborn baby paint their first painting. I am curious!
Yesterday was a rough day. I wonder if it was just in the air due to the election. If the results made some agitated and others gloriously happy. I am dismayed by some of the comments on Facebook that were just so negative towards President Obama. I dislike the hatred I see. There should still be respect for the office of the President.
My day felt like a boulder was laid on me as the hours turned from morning to afternoon. I struggled. I got mad. I vented. I felt put in an unfair position. Then I went for a run. I felt better. Then the nagging voices came back. Tears came to my eyes (which does not happen too often). I felt overwhelmed. Stressed. Uninspired. I took a hot, hot shower after my run. Why does that always help to solve problems? Okay, so maybe it does not solve any problems, but it helps to wash them away for a short period of time.
What kept coming to me while running, while showering, while driving home was gratitude. It is often that word that comes to my thought when I am frustrated. When I do not see an answer to a problem. Gratitude for what is. Clearer thoughts tend to come when I focus on gratitude: I am trying too hard. I need to take a step back and breathe and enjoy the moment. I need to learn to say no. I need to learn to ask for help. I cannot do everything, and I cannot make everyone happy.
I do not like certain decisions made, but they have been made. I do not appreciate the value they express, but that is not mine to decide. In the words of a print I purchased from a local artist: “Don’t let the f**kers get you down.” When I show my reaction, I have let them in. I have shown the signs of wear and tear.
My next steps are to repair, communicate, and move on. My inclination is to close up and not let those back in. Why do we often react in that way? Why do we live so often like a snapdragon, and open only to catch our prey, and then close back again?
I need peace of mind, freshness of direction, and that clear voice that tells me I am on the right path. I am ready for my answer. I am ready to feel at peace.