Do You Stare?

Posted by random olio

Are you a gawker? I am the kind of person that assesses the room when she enters. Not so much to see where I feel comfortable, more because I am always reading people. I find people fascinating.

I may be found staring because I am watching how others listen to each other. Does everyone feel included? Are others bored? Is everyone intrigued? Is the energy of the room happy, dull, depressed, angry, lively? Does one individual have a way with words? Is someone a good story-teller? Does someone else have a wealth of knowledge and experience and others gravitate towards them because they have so much they can learn? Does another bring down the energy of the room because of their negative comments and attitude? All of these questions intrigue me and swirl through my thought in different group interactions.

I may also be watching the room because I am exploring the clothes, shoes, hair, etc. Not in any judging way, but because I find style, color, and clothes interesting. Whether for the combination of how others put an outfit together, to interesting jewelry, or shoes. I love the comfort of a pair of jeans, to the odd and extravagant shoe. You will never get me in a pair of high heels, but you can find me in a pair of flip flops any day or a pair of running shoes. I like to be mostly flat and grounded in this world.

I was reading a book on friendship the other day and the author called herself a ‘gawker.’ Am I a gawker, or do I just take an interest in people? I think I will go with the latter.

In Austin, staring down to the street, where there were cops galore

Cheeseburgers and Staples

Posted by random olio

I just finished reading: “It Sucked and Then I Cried: How I Had a Baby, a Breakdown, and a Much Needed Margarita” by Heather Armstrong. I could not stop saying: “Chris, Chris, I have to read this to you.” I might have to write about this book a few times because of just how blunt and hilarious Heather writes. Sometimes it is that potty humor that makes her funny, and sometimes it is in that I-relate-that-would-be-me kind of way.

In her book she takes you from trying to conceive, to her pregnancy, to the first 9 months of her baby girl’s life. She talks about her struggles with staying sane (literally) and what moms go through to not lose it. Maybe I can relate more right now because I am thinking so much about motherhood, but if you are a mother, or are thinking about taking that step, or just want a good laugh, then read on.

“An then, in what was one of the most memorable moments of the pregnancy, the ultrasound technician pointed to an unrecognizable shadow on the monitor and said, “See that cheeseburger? That means it’s a girl.” And then he circled her cheeseburger for emphasis. Jon had been holding my hand to give me strength to hold my pee, but right then he let go and cupped his tear-stained face, “You have a very important job,” he said, looking at me with the eyes I had fallen in love with. “You’re going to have to teach our daughter about her cheeseburger.” Page 39

I love this. It just made me smile. The next excerpt I want to share has to do with breast-feeding and what it feels like for a woman to breast feed. Men, yes please keep reading. I think it is worth it for you to know her explanation. Not that you do not respect women for what they have to go through to breast feed a child, but her description I think will take your respect to a new level.

“The only way to describe it to a man is to suggest that he lay out his naked penis on a chopping block, place a manual stapler on the sacred helmet head, and bang it a couple hundred staples. The first two staples might hurt a little, but after that it just becomes numb, right? And by the eighty-eighth staple you’re like, AREN’T YOU FULL YET? But then the comparison really fails because a man doesn’t have two penises, and after stapling the first boob the baby moves again on to the other boob and the happy stapling begins ALL OVER AGAIN.” Page 83

I have more to share, but I think I will save it for another post. The other ideas are more for the soft side of parenting, but I thought I would first start with cheeseburgers and staples. Go. Read. Her. Book.

Honesty and Integrity = Respect and Credibility

Posted by random olio

It’s Friday! It’s Friday!

Last summer I went to the IABC Conference that took place in San Diego, California. For those of you that might not know what the IABC Conference stands for – it is the International Association of Business Communicators. The keynote address was by Jonah Leher. I had recently read one of his books and enjoyed it, while also being very intrigued by his keynote address.

A few months Jonah released his next book: Imagine and I checked it out from the library. Once I received it and tried to start reading it, I was turned off. For the most part, the pages I read served to debunk the idea that brainstorming and creativity are effective ways to come up with new ideas. So I stopped reading and decided his new book was not one I was going to finish. Then tonight I came across this NPR article about the Bob Dylan quotes Jonah made up. What has come of our world? With all the information on the Internet, why would you ever even think about lying or fibbing about quotes, data, experience, etc? It does not make any sense to me!

It also opens up a lot of questions for me. What makes authors knowingly lie or make up content? Have folks not remembered the James Frey drama? Why is honesty and integrity such a hard thing to follow through on? How can we continue to trust authors and writers if we constantly have to wonder if they are telling the truth or not? It is interesting to me that the content of his book made me return it to the library and move on with my life. And…now they are pulling his book for inaccuracies.

Reminder to all writers: TELL THE TRUTH. Otherwise, you lose all respect and credibility.

More Bang For Your Buck

Posted by random olio

Recently I posted about: All the Money in the World: What the Happiest People Know About Getting and Spending, by Laura Vanderkam. One of the things she mentions is that the average cost of an engagement ring today is: $5,392. Wow. That could be a used car for some folks. Add the engagement ring to the cost of the wedding itself (flowers, dress, reception, food, venue, etc). It adds up quickly. My question is – is it all necessary? Chris and I got married on a beach in Hawaii for basically the cost of a honeymoon. Even doing that, it was expensive, but it was nothing like what the cost could have been if we had a traditional wedding + a honeymoon. I appreciate what Laura says in her book:

“With the same $5,392 the average couple spends on an engagement ring, a set of new parents could pay a babysitter $50 a night for 107 nights so they could have time to themselves or go neck in their car like teenagers. The $12,124 The Knot reports the average couple spends on a reception venue could cover a $100 housecleaning service, twice a month, for the entire five years many two-kid couples spend in that sticky stage when children spill milk just to see what will happen. The average $1,988 florist and decor bill could be doled out, instead, as 198 thinking-of-you $10 bouquets–a once-a-month gesture of love for a solid 16.5 years.” page 22

Laura also talks about what would bring more joy to your marriage. Does the American Dream and picket fence really make you satisfied? Or are you more interested in traveling and learning about other cultures? If so, are you paying more for a car or home then you really need? Are you doing it because it makes you happy, or is it because it is what you think you should be doing? What is more responsible? What causes you less stress? I often think of things pertaining to money in terms of justification. If I do not buy this now, I will have enough money for something else later. Much like what Laura mentions about $1,988 in flowers could give you 198 $10 thinking of you bouquets a month for 16.5 months. What has more bang for your buck?

We have so many different ideas and options before us. Are we asking the questions of what is best for us and our families, or are we making choices just to keep up with the Jones’? Do we really need the big elaborate wedding, or engagement ring, or are we best prepared if we put that money towards our future? Or towards our emergency funds?

What do you think?

What Are Your Love Languages?

Posted by random olio

Have you read the book: The Five Love Languages? by Gary Chapman. It is a slow book, but the ideas in it are ones that apply to romantic and platonic relationships. I read it a few years ago, but constantly refer to it in conversations. It has continued to be a great way to dive into relationships and how others relate to each other, whether in a good relationship, a new relationship, or one that is struggling.

The background on his book is that we each have a language with how we feel most loved. Take for example your significant other (if you have one, if not then replace with your good friend, or a family member). Think about what you feel they need to feel most loved. I will list below the five love languages. I will say this again: The key is to think about what THEY most need that makes them feel loved. Try to come up with the top two out of the five. Once you have figured out what their top two are, think about what your top two are – what makes you feel the most loved?

The five love languages are:

Gift Giving
Words of Affirmation
Quality Time
Physical Touch
Acts of Service

You can find more details and definitions of each of the love languages at the above link. My top two languages of love are: Quality Time and Acts of Service. This means when Chris knows I have had a rough day and it is not over yet, that if he takes care of some chore he knows I will try to do even if I am operating on 10% energy, it will make me feel loved. He knows that my language (Acts of Service) means he is thinking about me and what I need without even asking me.

I also really appreciate quality time with each other. These days with all that we have on our plates, quality time is such an important language of love. It says I care and love you enough to put down my phone, turn off the TV, shut my computer and focus on you. You may or may not have the same love language as your significant other. What is important for me is that I know what his love languages are and that I focus on how to show him love through his love languages.

a photo from a friend.

What are your love languages? Have you shared your love languages with others? It is an important conversation for others to know how to best love you!