A few months ago I came across “You Learn by Living” by Eleanor Roosevelt. I wish I had read it many years ago. She inspired me more than any other first lady. One idea (of the many I wrote down) was about listening. I feel that over the past few years we as a society have become horrible listeners. There are too many other things happening around us. Our phone is ringing, we are getting a text message, sending an email, or in the middle of a level of Angry Birds. We multi-task. I myself am just as much to blame. I am a hard-core multi-tasker. I of course feel like I do an amazing job at it, but do I really? I feel like I do, but I often wonder if I am just trying to make myself feel better about all that I am trying to do at once. This is what she says about listening:
“If such a search is to be successful, however, you will need two qualities which you can develop by practice. One is the ability to be a good listener. The other is the imaginative ability to put yourself in the other person’s place; to try to discover what he is thinking and feeling; to understand as far as you can the background from which he came, the soil out of which his roots have grown, the customs and beliefs and ideas which have shaped his thinking.” P. 136
Three short sentences that are jam-packed with ideas. Do you have an “imaginative ability to be a good listener?” To me that means going to extremes to make sure that the person you are engaged with knows you are listening, and that…you ACTUALLY are. What if you tried that for one week? What if you made sure that every conversation and interaction you had, you were focused 100%? I would like to try that over the next week and see if I can tell the difference in how I connect with others. Do I feel I understand them more, retained more information, and better executed on my part of the conversation? Did I tell someone I would follow through on something?
I also love where she says: “the imaginative ability to put yourself in the other person’s place; to discover what he is thinking and feeling” – it is something I try to do. See, I love learning about people. You could say people fascinate me. I always have the thought in my mind: “put yourself in their shoes.” I think it helps to relate to others who might be different from you, that might even have an opposite upbringing and life experience. I think it gives a person empathy when interacting with others.
So, are you with me? Do you want to try to listen 100% over the next week?
Unfortunately, I am an interrupter. I get so excited to be a part of the conversation that I can’t wait until people are done talking. I am working on the listening part!
Makes perfect sense!
The idea of your profession is intriguing to me on multiple levels.
1) I am so impressed by people’s abilities to speak multiple languages. It’s a skill I wish I had and I think it needs to be a focus in the American educational system.
2) It never donned on me that there would be a potential fallout (not sure if there’s a better word to use here) in the rest of an interr…
Wait. I just read your comment a little more closely. You said “interrupter” not “interpreter”. BWAHAHAHA!!! Even when I’m reading I don’t take time to listen 🙂
HA! I was thinking, hmmm, how do I respond to this without it getting awkward…? Thanks for that giggle!!
Listening gives one an air of consolation and empathy that sometimes cannot be achieved by verbalizing your thoughts alone. But not everyone is born with this gift, either you are a listener or a talker. Am glad I have extreme sensibility towards listening which I’ve always been trying to practice in my daily interactions. There is a certain understanding that can only come if you are able to listen genuinely to people and it’s gratifying to realize how each thing you learn propels your own learning and growth as a person.
Totally agree. I also love when listening to another results in learning more about yourself! Thank you for sharing.
Pingback: My Favorite Books of 2012 | random olio