The “I CAN”

Posted by random olio

My dad and the “I CAN.” I wish I still had a picture of the “I CAN.” Imagine a large size of Campbell’s Tomato Soup. The giant size that feeds a family. Take off the soup label so you just have the can, and take two bottle caps and nail them in to make eyes. (Forgive me for forgetting what my dad used for the nose and mouth). He then took a large strip of yellow paper and in large letters wrote I CAN. He gave one of these each to my sister, brother, and me. The I CAN sat on our desks, and we used them for pencils, pens, and markers.

So now that you know what it looked like (sans the nose and mouth), the purpose of the I CAN was a reminder to each of us that we could and were capable of anything. Now, I am not sure my dad was always thinking of the bigger world and all the mountains we could climb or all the things we could accomplish, but his point did hit home. Whenever we were asked to do something and we either did not want to or felt we could not do it or were not capable and the words I CAN’T came out of our mouth, my dad would say: “Should we go get your I CAN?” He would often also add: “Can’t didn’t do anything.” His point most of the time was that we could switch the laundry, clean up after the dog, reach something that was too high (that was what the stool was for), and that most of the time we just did not want to try. Maybe he did not want to do the task at hand, maybe he just wanted us to know we could do it ourselves, whatever the true motivations behind the I CAN, it was a prevalent fixture during my elementary school years.

I am not sure I thought much about the I CAN after my dad moved out, or when I left home, or when I later did not have the option to physically speak to him each day. Regardless, I sometimes thought of the I CAN sitting on my desk, and thought of him saying: “Can’t didn’t do anything.” Thank you, Dad. Whatever was your motivation, I hope I have grown up enough to say: “I have a choice as to whether I am going to do this, but I am not going to NOT do it because I do not think I CAN, or because of fear, or because I do not want to try.”

Hopefully this inspires you to go into your day with a little inspiration that you CAN do more.

Pay when you put yourself down?

Posted by random olio

My sister recently posted this article to Facebook. It is a Huffington Post article titled: “How We’re Paying For Putting Ourselves Down (And Why We’ll Pay For You To Say Something Nice!)” (The Huffington Post link is not working, so the above link is from Stylelist). It is a great article. It really made me think. It discusses how women cut themselves down and say things like: “I feel so fat” (you know the list that goes on and on). If they say such things about themselves they have to put money in a jar. The article then suggests the money going to an organization that supports girls called: Girls, Inc. I am just as much to blame for saying such things to myself. I will need to start my own jar. Maybe I should add a jar for my bad language too.

It reminds me of something I think about often when I am around children, (little girls mostly but that does not mean it does not apply to little boys). You know when you first greet a little girl, and they are wearing the cutest dress? You say: “oh you look so cute” or “you are so pretty” or “what a pretty dress.” When you approach a little boy, do you comment on their appearance? I imagine it is much rarer. I read in a book a few months ago (and I wish I could remember which book) where the author discusses how she has changed her tune in talking to younger girls (more in the range of toddler age). The author gave an example of a time recently at a friend’s house where she was interacting with their young daughter. She was very careful not to comment on the girl’s clothes or appearance, but rather she got down on their level and asks them what they like to do. Saying something like: “Do you like to read?” The little girl got excited and answered in the affirmative. So this author said: “could you bring me your favorite book and read to me?” After spending some time together reading, the author said she acknowledged this young girl by saying what a great reader she was and discussing the ideas in the book. To her it felt like acknowledging this little girl for something she truly enjoyed, and not the dress she was wearing.

I have vowed to attempt that in my interactions with little ones (really it should be the same for boys too). However, I sometimes find it hard. Sometimes a little girl wants to talk to you about her dress, or the bows in her hair. She wants to show you her doll or how she knows how to brush the doll’s hair. So, in those cases I take the cues from the little girls, rather than putting the idea in their heads that what I notice and comment about them is their dress, or pretty curls. Although regardless of gender, I will call out when a child has a beautiful smile, because that is something we should never lose and I think acknowledging it matters.

My hope is that if we approach little girls differently, just maybe they will not need a “I Promise to Stop Saying Negative Things about my Body Jar.” Maybe they will be proud of their bodies, because we will raise them to focus on who they are and not by their looks, hair, and bodies.

Hopeful in Portland.

I’ll have Fries with that!

Posted by random olio

So it has been years and years since I have been to a fast food restaurant (In-and-Out Burger does not count). Ever since I was not feeling well about a week ago, I have been having strange cravings and adverseness to certain foods that I love. It has been a funky food week for me. I mostly eat a raw diet before 5 p.m. A green smoothie in the morning, a salad for lunch, and then protein, veggie, fruit for dinner. This is all when we eat at home. When we go out, I still try to eat vegetables, but I also go with what sounds best, or with what would be to complicated or involved to make at home. I also have a weakness for french fries, most likely due to the salt. I can also easily be coerced into ordering a burger with that. However, that would be at a good restaurant. (For Portlanders, my current favorite place for a burger and fries is Noble Rot).

Yesterday, Chris and I were running a few errands, and I had eaten lunch earlier than normal. I was needing a snack and the cashews I brought with me were not cutting it. Every drive thru we drove past I would say: “Oh, salt and fries, yum.” I would not usually say that and crave fast food. This past week I have had cravings for the strangest things (no I am not pregnant!). So because I could not stop talking about french fries, and we were not near our normal favorite restaurants, I suggested we go to Burgerville for some fries on our way home. They use all local ingredients, so how bad could they be? They were fine, nothing too exciting, but they met my imperative need for salt.

What I loved most about this fast food adventure, was the receipt. I have included it below. You will see my fries and Chris’ cheeseburger, and all the facts about each (calories, protein, etc). I do not count calories (way too much work), but I was fascinated! I have never seen that before on any receipt. It also compares your purchase to your daily calorie totals, and gives you percentages too. It is like the newly designed credit card bills that tell you how many months or years it will take to pay off your debt. This shows you how good or bad your meal truly is in relation to calories.

No offense to Burgerville, I am just not a fast foodie, so I will not be back too soon, but I applaud you for providing food from local businesses, and I think your receipt is brilliant.

my burgerville receipt

You inside and outside of your marriage

Posted by random olio

Last week I finished reading: “No Cheating, No Dying: I Had a Good Marriage. Then I tried to Make it Better” by Elizabeth Weil. It is an interesting book, a quick read. She has a good marriage and just wonders if there are ways she can make it better. I am in the same boat, although I would not call my marriage good, I would call it exceptional. I know, I am biased, but I just have a great admiration for the communication that happens between my husband and me. Having said all that, there is always room for improvement in any relationship, so I like reading books that could shed light on how I might be able to look at things differently in my marriage and make it that much better.

So a little background. I was very independent when I met my husband. We met at work, and we both remember that we did not really like each other too much. He was too nice to me, and I did not trust that, and he did not like me because I was not nice enough. Go figure. After working very long days together, we got to know each other well, and when I left my job we realized that we missed each other and all the time we spent together. The rest, well, is history in the making. We met almost 11 years ago. We have now been married for almost 9 years. I struggled in the beginning to try to understand who I would be as a wife, while also a strong feminist and very independent. I was not going to be driven in the car (I would drive), I was going to talk to the mechanic about our car, we would share cooking and cleaning, etc.

Over time, we found a balance. He drives (he loves driving and I could care less about the actual driving part) I read and catch up with to-do’s on my phone, I get a report from him about the mechanic, and I no longer cook. Early on I screwed up making pesto and put in way too much garlic. He ate it and smelled for days. Call it love, but it was the beginning of his control of the kitchen. Now I love it and leave him alone when he cooks each night. It is his time. I am the baker. I make the sweet things and the yummy breads and goodies. It all works out. But, it does not mean that I do not wonder if I am balancing who I am independently with who I am in my marriage. Elizabeth and her husband have an agreement: No Cheating, No Dying. My husband and I have a similar strong agreement and have from the very beginning: No cheating, and our trust and honesty in each other is the utmost importance. These questions about balance between being a woman and independent and being a wife is why this quote from Elizabeth’s book resonated with me:

“I was an even less likely candidate than Dan for a wholly merged life. One of my more telling memories of myself as a young woman and of how unbending I was in love happened the evening a new boyfriend wanted to make me a cilantro-lime pesto, and instead of walking with him on that warm spring evening to buy limes, I suggested he run the errand alone. By the time I met Dan, at age twenty-eight, I’d shed some of that rigidity. I knew more about who I was, so I felt more comfortable being swayed. But nearly a decade into marriage, and sincerely hoping to remain married to Dan for many decades more, I did not understand how much I should be swayed by my husband. What algorithm should determine how much I tipped over into the warm bath of our union and how much of myself to keep separate, outside?” page 2.

It is a dilemma many of my married friends have discussed. I love my husband, have excruciatingly high standards for him, and as Elizabeth mentions of Dan, her husband, my husband is the center of my life. Where is the line of who we are as a person, as a woman, and where is that blending of our love for our husbands, our shared desires in marriage and life? I often find that when my husband is traveling I back away into myself. I am quieter and more introspective. Sometimes that is because he is so busy when he travels that we talk briefly sometimes only once a day. I think it is also because I have a different area of space around me when he is away. Maybe for some couples this is not an issue, maybe they lead such separate lives that each individual does not wonder which side of the line they have veered too far across, one that keeps them so remotely independent, or to the side of never being apart from their spouse.

How do you handle independence and closeness with your spouse? How do you ensure you are completely connected, yet also focusing on what makes you keep your groove, what makes you YOU? Would love to hear any insights!

the happily married couple 🙂

Dance Naked!!

Posted by random olio

Happy Monday to everyone! How was your weekend? There is sun here in Portland which is making me a bit giddy, maybe because my iPhone says rain for the rest of the week. I had a full weekend. We spent much of Saturday running errands around town and Sunday cleaning. Yes, cleaning again. Due to the rain and slightly warmer temperatures, our house became the home of ants in many of our rooms. We are used to it, we have lived here a few years, and they always come out in armies this time of year. It always gets old chasing them down. Ants are ants, I do not mind them, what I do mind is when they are crawling on my counters, or get anywhere near my bed. So after chasing them around the house, we usually always clean a ton, in hopes that they will not come back, and maybe just to clear our head of all the ants we have seen.

In honor of giddiness, sun, and that it is now April, I wanted to encourage you to: DANCE NAKED this week!

framed print on our wall

I love this print. I purchased it at the Lake Oswego Art Festival a few years back and framed it. For a long time it was over my desk and I would look at it while I worked. Now it is in our hallway. It reminds me to not work so hard, to get up and dance to music, to play, be free and have fun! On occasion, I get right to the point and dance naked!

Go enjoy your day, be playful, and if you feel so inspired – then DANCE NAKED!