“Secret Single Behavior”

A co-worker shared with a few of us yesterday that one of her favorite things to do when her fiance is off doing his own thing, is what she called her: “Secret Single Behavior.” It is taken from an episode of Sex and the City (Season 4, Episode 13: The Good Fight), and well it just made me grin from ear-to-ear today. I am not going to go into her own “Secret Single Behavior” but it made me think – what is mine? It sort of baffles me to even find an answer. Maybe that means I have been married too long. I thought about it a few times yesterday and even asked Chris. Here is my potential list:

_Go to a cafe on a Saturday or Sunday, order breakfast, coffee, bring my laptop, book, and journal and see where my heart takes me. Either read, write, or explore wherever my fingers take me on the Internet. I can stay as long as I like and not have to worry about someone waiting for me.

_Boutique hopping? Go to boutiques I have not been to in a while, get inspired by designers + artists and see where the inspiration takes me.

_Stay in my pajamas, go into my studio (empty bedroom) and paint until I lose track of time.

_Catch up with friends I have not seen in a while (whether in person, email, or over the phone).

_Organize my life in every way possible.

_Sometimes when Chris is gone for a week or so, I will go to the store and get food that he hates to eat. Selections have been: yogurt covered pretzels, popcorn, snickerdoodles. Ah, strange guilty pleasures.

So do you have them? Do you have “Secret Single Behaviors?” If so, what are they?

Nobody I would rather be with…

There are a few things I love in life. A great book, new ideas, learning something new about myself, chips, and while there are probably a ton of other things on my list, the one that tops them all is my husband. I never was a girl who dreamed of marrying, or had a wedding book, or even really gave a shit about the wedding, but what I think matters most is that I married my best friend, and he continues to be the best damn thing that ever happened to me.

So when I find a great book that talks about marriage, has a sassy rant throughout the book, and makes me appreciate my husband that much more, I call it good. I just finished a great book called: “The Longest Date: Life as a Wife” by Cindy Chupack. The cover might look cheesy, but let me tell you, Chupack was a writer on Sex and the City, and also writes for O Magazine (Oprah), that woman knows her stuff. She was able to peak our interest for many years (and how many of us wish that Sex and the City was still on the air)? I felt like she spoke right to me. She got me. She got marriage, and attempts into motherhood. She was flawed like we all are all the time. She spoke to my decade ago single self, she spoke to my married self, she spoke to my potential mother self. I think about this all the time pertaining to Chris:

“And I think now about how many of those nights we’ve had since, and how there is nobody I would rather talk to when I am feeling less than, nobody I would rather come home to after a hard day, and how wrong I was about you and us and what we could become. And unlike most people, I love being wrong. I love thinking I know the ending and then being surprised.” Page 33

I wholeheartedly agree. There is no one I would rather come home to than Chris, no one I would rather snuggle with when I have a rough day, feel sick, or just need to feel connected to him. No one I would rather talk about my day to (good or bad), and how clueless I was to how good life would be together. The only difference between me and Chupack: I do not love being wrong. I do not like surprises. Although I have felt I knew the ending and was then happily surprised, and sometimes that surprise is way better than we can ever imagine.

Read this book. It will make you smile. It will make you think about your marriage. If you are single or in a relationship you are not sure about, it will give you humorous clarity or levity. We only live once, life should be enjoyed. We should be pampered, and love every minute of spending time with our better half. They should inspire, encourage us, and elevate our game. So that we bring only goodness, joy, and happiness to those around us. So that the love we have with our better half pours out of us and we and those around us are never the same. Call me a sap, but how can I not be excited for the best date I have ever had?

Women, Sex, and “Fifty Shades of Grey”

Okay so I confess. A few weeks ago I finished reading “Fifty Shades of Grey” by E L James.  It has me wondering about women and sex and why there is such an interest in this book? Romance novels have been around forever, so what makes Fifty Shades so different? Is it the fan lit? That the characters were featured based on the characters from the Twilight Trilogy? Or, does it say something more about the type of literature on sex that women want to read? Does it say anything about what women feel is lacking in their lives?

Another confession. I never read the Twilight Trilogy. Yes, can you believe it? I am not a fantasy book reader. I also really do not like reading what everyone else is reading. I did not read Harry Potter. Lord of the Rings. The list goes on. For some reason, though, I wanted to find out about this Fifty Shades following. I had heard about it from too many people. What interested me the most was about women, sex,  and what they want or crave. I loved hearing that women would tell me they would read excerpts to their boyfriends or spouses. What were they reading to them? What made them want to read a specific excerpt? Why?

I have mentioned before that I am a bit of a feminazi (or can be on certain subjects). So you can imagine that I would not be into the subordination of women, or of women being submissive. So I thought I would adamantly hate this book. But, shockingly I did not hate it. I will say that I agree with many that the writing was horrid, and yet even with the bad writing I wanted to know what would happen. I was curious while reading what parts interested other women. I had also heard that many women were hiding the book from their husbands. Why were they hiding it? That part shocks me. It is 2012. We should live in a place where a woman should not have to hide what interests her, or what she wants to read from her husband. It reminds me of a little boy hiding a Playboy.

So what does this all say about women’s sexuality? What are they missing in their lives? What have they not told their husband they want and what do they crave sexually? My only conclusion is that in general women must feel they have to fit this specific mold that says that women should not be like Samantha Jones (Kim Cattrall’s character from Sex in the City). That we must be more tame about what we want sexually. What do you think?

Last confession. I got the second book. Because. Well, because I am curious about what happens next.

The Internet is brewing with “50 Shades” banter