story

Split second choices…

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It happens all the time. You know that moment when you start to tell someone something big, and deep, and raw. It might be how you really feel about them, or a story from your past, or it might be advice you have been holding back from telling them. At times you hold it in and later, as you walk away from them, you think inside: “I should have said it, I should have told them, I missed my moment.” You might even go back to that moment days and weeks later wondering if you will ever have an opportunity to share it with them. I was reminded of those moments when I read this on David Kanigan’s blog: “There’s that split second moment.”

“you know when someone asks you a general question like “how are you” or jokingly says something like “do you ever even sleep” and there’s that split-second moment where you consider actually telling them things like whether they’re good or bad things whether they’re sad or happy or anything at all you just think about telling them everything but you don’t” -jackfrost.co

It happens when you are out to drinks with a good friend, or a new friend, or maybe even a colleague. You start to tell them some part of you that you may not share with many, and you start to tell them about you, and then you stop. Often it might be hard to know why. Maybe it is an intuition that you feel, and other times it might just be bad timing, but you feel that moment, you feel that urge, and it stays with you. How often do you have these split second ponderings? They happen fast.

Other times you look back and realize how grateful you are that you kept your mouth shut. You are not ready to share that specific story. You breathe a sigh of relief for that potential slip, as you are not ready for the rest of the world to know just yet what you have been through, or what you are still going through. It is still too raw, too new. Did you stop yourself because you were afraid, or did you stop because you heard a small little voice inside that said. Not yet, not now?

We all have those split second moments. How often do they happen for you?

Are you interesting or interested?

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Are you the person in the room that is interesting or the person that is interested? I just finished a book called: “Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone” by Mark Goulston. I encourage you to read the book, for a number of reasons. One: it will make you think differently about your employees, team, and co-workers. Two: it will make you think differently in your personal life. Three: it will remind you that we rarely listen. All three combined, if we only listened more our work and personal lives would be transformed.

I will give you an example that is shared in Goulston’s book. Do you know at Christmas time when you send out your Christmas cards? Are you the one that writes a long rant about all that you have done that year? All the promotions you received, possessions you gained, and trips you have gone on? Do you ask the recipient of the card how they are doing? Do you do anything to remind them how much you care about them, or want to connect with them, or is it all about you? Goulston talks about how much we are interested in ourselves, or how interesting we are, then in being interested in others. He writes:

“If you want to have an interesting dinner conversation, be interested. If you want to have interesting things to write, be interested. If you want to meet interesting people, be interested in the people you meet—their lives, their history, their story. Where are they from? How did they get here? What have they learned? By practicing the art of being interested, the majority of people can become fascinating teachers; nearly everyone has an interesting story to tell.” Page 56

I love, love, love this. If we all spent more time being inquisitive and interested, we all might also feel more listened to and heard. We all have our own story to tell, but so does everyone else. Like the vastness and uniqueness of a snowflake, so are each of our lives. What if we could be students to all the teachers in our lives? I know I have work to do. While I am an information nut, love learning new things, am constantly researching anything and everything, and love finding solutions — I could be more interested in others.

Could you?

Let me take a SELFIE

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Spotify has made its way into our life. We use it at work, it plays in the kitchen while Chris cooks, or when we clean the house, and I have even used it when I cannot find anything I like on the radio while driving. The other day at work, I had the Top 100 hits on Spotify and it was cycling through different songs, and a new one came on I had not heard before. “#SELFIE” by The Chainsmokers. It is hilarious, and also a bit disturbing. Even so, it caught my attention immediately. Partly it is the beat and rhythm that keeps you interested. Well in that one-hit-wonder kind of way. When you really start to listen to the words, you might think differently. Here are a few:

Did you think that girl was pretty?
How did that girl even get in here?
Do you see her?
She’s so short and that dress is so tacky
Who wears Cheetah?

Can you guys help me pick a filter?
I don’t know if I should go with XX Pro or Valencia
I wanna look tan
What should my caption be?
I want it to be clever
How about “Livin’ with my bitches, hash tag LIVE”
I only got 10 likes in the last 5 minutes
Do you think I should take it down?
LET ME TAKE ANOTHER SELFIE

A selfie: a photo taken of oneself to post onto a social network. The self-portrait of our times, but one that is shared with a few people to millions or even a billions of followers (depending on who you are). I wonder though, why has it created such a phenomenon and almost cult following? Is it that we want to be seen, tell a story of what we did that day, however interesting or boring it may be, or are we becoming full of ourselves? I do not know the answer. Sure I have been known to post photos of myself, and sometimes they are selfies, but to what extent are we virtually (and I meant that literally) showing off? As the lyrics state: “I only got 10 likes in the last 5 minutes.” Is it more about how many people see us and like, comment, or whatever, or is it more about ourselves and the story we want to tell?

What do you think? Watch the video to enjoy a little dance party on your Friday.

Sometimes we need a little context

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Lately I have been thinking about the idea of context. So often we are only given a morsel of information, and it does not give the full picture. If we were given the full context of a situation, we might respond differently. Have you ever thought about it?

When you answer a question your child asks, do you answer it entirely, go the easy route, or give them the full context they need to ensure understanding? At work, when training a colleague, do you tell them just the details they need to know, or do you share the full context of why you have trained them a specific way? Might the entire picture help the training stick? It could allow them to fully understand why taking specific steps is so important. Does it help your spouse if you share the full story of why you might need them to run a few errands, or do you just ask that they go and do them?

Context tells the story. It weaves background information, and often gives the “why.” As I have been pondering context in my daily life, I have been trying to think about the full picture and when it is the right time to include context in a conversation. If you are giving a presentation on a topic you have been involved in for quite a few months, do you go to the nitty-gritty detail, or do you take a step back and give an overview first, make sure everyone listening to your presentation is on the same page, and then proceed with more specific detail? Does that help others to understand the full scope?

It helps. It really does. I am trying to approach each day ensuring that I give just the right amount of context (not too much, and not too little). My hope is that by sharing the necessary information, it will mean that others can make more educated decisions. Context shows that we are not just making decisions on a whim, but that there is a story that is directing us.

What do you think?

 

Making sense of the world

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We tell the stories of our lives to remember, laugh, and ponder where we have been and where we are going. We learn from each other, grow, and try not to make the same mistakes. Stories enrich us. We hear how someone else moves about the world, how they interact with their family and friends, and how they endure the good times and the bad. We laugh with them, we cry with them, and we relate in ways we sometimes cannot imagine.

I just finished reading: “If It’s Not One Thing, It’s Your Mother” by Julia Sweeney. If you are not familiar with Julia, she was “It’s Pat” on Saturday Night Live. Her book is a memoir and heavily focuses on her experience adopting a daughter from China. She is a blunt and humorous writer. I appreciated reading her book. It is just raw, real, and to the point. Her comments about telling stories resonated with me:

“I think my urge to perform, and specifically to perform true stories from my own life, is my way of coping. Just like alcohol is for some people. But the storytelling urge is not particular to the Irish. It’s in everyone. In fact it’s how our brains, every single one of our brains–not particular to any ethnicity–makes sense of the world. We tell ourselves how it all went, how this happened and how that happened and how it could happen in the future.” page 238

Is that what storytelling is for each of us? A litany of events, dates, and experiences that we tell as we make sense of the world? Yes, and so much more. I often write to make sense of my world. As the words come out of my fingertips I often connect thoughts and ideas and have aha moments. I realize what bothers me, find solutions to problems, and feel gratitude for the good parts of my day.

For me looking back at my past, at the stories of my life, help me to better understand myself and how I tick. Since both of my parents have passed on, and my grandparents are gone, I am on my own to put the pieces of my past together. I have asked my sister or brother how they remember an event, and yet their memory is much different from my memory of a specific event. That makes sense, as we each look out from our own perspectives. Since I cannot call my mom up and ask her about my first words, or how I handled a specific event in my life, I have to rely on my own memories. They may be flawed or off from the actual details but in the end, it is still the story I remember that has molded me into who I am today. As biased as my perspective might be, the feelings I had in each experience shaped how I handled future events.

Our story, our view on the world, is how we make sense and process who we are. Keep telling your story.