How do you come across?

Do you ever wonder what others think of you? Do you ever wonder if others think about how they are coming across, or how they are portraying themselves? I recently finished the book: “Friendkeeping” by Julie Klam. She discusses all types of friendships in her life, which ones feed and fuel her and which ones suck the life out of her. A quote from her book made me think of friends, but it can also really apply to anyone in our life.

“A lot of times people don’t realize how they’re coming across, and sometimes you need to tell them.” page 192

It is an idea that I have thought about often. Have you ever been in an awkward situation with a friend where they are being rude or unkind and you know in your heart that you have to tell them? Or, maybe they are sad and depressed all the time and they do not realize that is the energy they have brought to an experience with others. Another scenario might be where they often plow over you and are thinking only about their situation and completely disregard you or think not a second about your feelings. These are the times when we have to be honest and upfront.

Yet, that can be hard. Why is it that so often we hold back with our closest friends and do not tell them what we think they should hear? Do we think they are not ready for it? Do we think they cannot handle it? Or, is it more that we are concerned that our honesty will drive them away from us, and while they might agree, they are not ready to deal with our honesty? It is a tough position to sometimes be in.

It can be a lot of work. Friends are supposed to be the ones that tell it like it is, where we can be completely transparent and state exactly what is on our mind, but is that always really true? Is it sometimes easier to just not say anything at all and keep it to ourselves? Often the other person is stuck in their own world and cannot for the life of them see where you are coming from and that you have their best interest in mind. You are concerned because you love and care about them!

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