Woulda, coulda, shoulda

Often it is easier to look at the life before us and think about all the woulda, coulda, shoulda’s. If you had that different job, then your day would be so much better. If you lived in the house you almost purchased, you would have a better life. If you went on that vacation, you would be more adventurous. If you had not lost your parent or sibling, you would not be so sad or depressed. There are so many ideas we can tell ourselves about how life could be different if something had happened, or if it had not, that we can agonize over all the woulda, coulda, shoulda moments.

What if we just looked at what is?

I am a fan of Jonathan Tropper. I have read all his books, and am always interested to hear when a new one has come out. Recently a daily email newsletter from Oprah contained this quote from Tropper:

“You have to look at what you have right in front of you, at what it could be, and stop measuring it against what you’ve lost.”

So simple, yet so eye-opening. If we looked at what we have right now, appreciate it, take care of it, love it — well life would just be better. I have had many, many times in my life where individuals have asked me, how do you do it losing your parents so early in life? How do you cope? My response: “It is what it is.” If I always compare my life to what I have lost, if I only see what I don’t have, then I am not looking at what is right in front of me. I have a great job, an amazing husband + marriage, my family is healthy, wonderful friendships, all my material needs are met. Of course I have those very tough moments when loss feels great, but those are moments. I live my life from a place of abundance, and gratitude for all that is right in front of me.

The same is true for not getting those opportunities that we want, that person we might want to date, that job we have been preparing ourselves for, or maybe it was an award we felt worthy of receiving. Whatever we think we have lost, does not really matter in the grand scheme of things, what matters is what we do with what is right in front of us. How do we seize the day? How do we make every moment worthwhile in our current job, home, marriage, party, even at the grocery store? Are we letting life pass us by just because it does not compare to what we wished we had?

My life is full, and I want to suck every moment out of every day.

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