Everyone wants to be loved

Posted by random olio

Over the past few weeks I keep thinking about how we all just want to be loved. I see it in interactions with friends, coworkers, family, and strangers. Sometimes I think you can see it in their eyes, the craving, the desire, the want. We each in our own way crave connection, want to feel needed, included, heard, and seen.

What if you responded to the person that annoys you the most in your day with love? Truly. I mean it. What if you decided to listen to and focus on them? You might find that their attitude actually shifts and you find that you like them more than you thought. It is definitely possible that they will continue to bug you, but maybe, just maybe, things will change.

I can think of a few individuals that I know that annoy a few other individuals that I also know. When I look at the “annoyer” I often see a strong desire to feel included. They only want to be part of the gang, listened to, and accepted. It feels like they try too hard, and it rubs others the wrong way. It makes me wonder if I ever exhibit those same tendencies when I do not feel part of a group.

I have been trying to watch my thoughts when someone bugs me. I stop for a second and ask myself if their actions have more to do with something I do not like, or if really they are acting out of a strong desire to feel included. Just because someone wants to feel included does not always mean we have to give them exactly what they want, but we can be more empathetic to them.

Are you listening and sharing the love?

Is there always a silver lining?

Posted by random olio

Does everything have a silver lining? If you are a glass half full kind of person you might think that there is a silver lining in everything. Maybe it is all in how you approach a situation. You could have a frustrating experience with a friend or family member and choose to look at it for all the things that might be negative or wrong, or you can choose to look at it as an opportunity.

While we cannot change another person, and often we cannot change a situation, we can change how we look at the situation. Is it a moment to stand up for what you believe in? Is it now the time to say what you are really thinking? Or is it a time to stay quiet and let the other individual(s) work it out on their own? Maybe you are the type of person to always fix things for others, and maybe you have to take a break from that and let someone learn in their own way.

I think we can be in strange situations many times in our lives. Maybe we are stuck in a job we hate, or have struggled to tell a friend that we no longer want them in our life. Whatever the situation, the silver lining is often what we learn, and what we do not know. For example, you could hate your job, and struggle to understand why you keep interviewing but continue to not get the job. If that is your situation and you are reading this right now, you might say, “Tami you are crazy, there is no silver lining.” The silver lining is what you learn: more patience, persistence, perseverance, and maybe even the people skills to put yourself out there, to dig deep and fight for where you want to be. Not everything we do in life is easy.

Is it time to find the silver lining?

“What My Mother Gave Me”

Posted by random olio

I wonder what my mom would think of me today. If we could have a conversation, what would she tell me? Would she say she was grateful that I have been given many opportunities, maybe many more than she ever had? I just finished reading “What My Mother Gave Me: Thirty-one Women on the Gifts That Mattered Most” Edited by Elizabeth Benedict. It has many short vignettes from different women who are authors and journalists, who share the gift their mother gave them. Some of their mothers are still alive and others have lost their moms. I related to some, and did not have the experience of others. Ann Hood was one author that made me think and ponder about my own mom:

“A mother’s love is like that. I know this now that I’m a mother. We give our children the best of ourselves so that they can find the best of what is in them. The day I rejected the gift of the white suit, I got the best gift of all. My mother let me know that I had finally become that person I’d dreamed of becoming: a girl who spoke her mind, who was independent and opinionated. A girl who knew who she was and what she wanted. A girl who would not wear an all-white pants suit. And by recognizing that, she gave me permission to go into my own mismatched future. What a gift.” Page 59

While my mother never had the opportunity to see and spend time with me once I found my voice, I hope that when I was a kid I was as feisty as I am now. My sister I suppose could attest to that. Or maybe that came later in life. I do know that I now speak my mind, am definitely opinionated, know who I am, and usually know what I want. So after finishing “What My Mother Gave Me” I wanted to figure out what I would say about what my mother gave me.

It is a tough one for me. I really have no material possessions from my mom. The only things that allow me to remember her are what are left of our family photos. She must have been off cleaning and taking care of us, or she was the one taking the photos, because she is in very few of the photos. The gift my mom gave me was taking care of people. I watched her do it. Whether it was the children in her at-home day care, or older women at church, my grandma, us kids, her classroom at school, neighborhood children, she was always taking care of someone. Chris often reminds me that I need to take care of me first before extending myself so much. After reading this book, I realized that was the gift my mom gave me.

What about you? Do you know the gift your mother gave you?

Keeping things inside

Posted by random olio

I was talking with a few individuals over the weekend, and the topic of keeping things inside came up. It made me think about growing up and how we are taught to communicate. Growing up my dad always said that children were to be seen and not heard. We were not given a forum or safe place to speak up and say what we felt. Often I knew that I disagreed with my dad, but if I spoke up and said what I really felt, I would hear the wrath of my father. He always felt it was disrespectful to go against his viewpoint.

Ah, the anguish I felt to have to keep my thoughts and feelings inside. My home growing up either had thoughts and feelings put under carpets, stored in the attic, or they came out with rage and anger. I never saw the balance of real communication. However, somehow I was always fascinated with how others communicated. When I saw a man gently interact with a woman, I was fixated. When I saw a couple communicate amicably even while in a heated discussion, I was intrigued.

It was not until I was in college in my early twenties that I found my voice. I can almost remember what it felt like. I was writing a paper for a Sociology class, and in the process of writing that paper, something shifted and I knew that it was a pivotal moment in my life. I had found my voice. Ironically, the paper I was writing was on the topic of “voice” and in writing that paper, my voice had surfaced.

I no longer keep my thoughts and feelings inside. My dilemma now is to continue to work through the balance between speaking up and saying what I think needs to be said, and how that voice comes out. There is a graceful way to be bold and direct, but also to do it in a way that the other person can hear what you have to say. If you are angry while being direct, you can piss someone off, offend, and turn them away. Speaking gracefully for me is a work in progress. I do not always do it right, but I am learning along the way. The important part is that I speak, use my voice, and have it out in the open.

Do you keep things inside, or is it easy breezy for you to say what you think?

An ad for having kids

Posted by random olio

Chris and I keep pondering kids and dogs, kids and dogs. Some days a dog wins and other days you find that an experience with a kid tips you over the edge towards wanting kids. Yes, we have been married 10 years, but that does not mean we do not hesitate to take that next step that we know will change everything.

So when I saw this great video by a father who took video from each day of his son’s first year of life, I was smitten. At first I thought, this video is 6 minutes there is no way I will watch it all, and then I did. Of course the music by Devochka helps the mood and thought process, because of course I imagined what it would be like if that little precious boy was mine. I love that this father interspersed all moments, the tears, screams, laughter, cuteness, crawling, and walking.

What a cool memory and reminder this little boy will have of his first year of life. He will get to look back and watch how he grew and changed. What if this father continues to video his son each day for his son’s entire childhood? His son might find it annoying, but it would definitely be cool to look back on.

Enjoy and Happy Friday!