An example of: Grace, Patience, and Calm

Posted by random olio

I know I already gush about my husband, but many times my blogs just come right out of my fingertips without my knowing what I am going to say. This blog is a tribute to my husband.

I follow David Kanigan’s blog. This one on Grace really resonated with me. While it is a letter to a colleague of David’s that was retiring, the ideas he shared can apply to anyone. See my husband is a very patient man. It takes a lot, and I mean a lot to press his buttons. He is not going to yell and cuss at the guy that rudely drives past when he is already backing out of his parking space, he just shakes his head, waits, and then finishes backing up the car. He is not going to give someone the middle finger for cutting him off in traffic, or for being the one that takes the only parking space left, even when he is the one pulling into it first.

my better half

My husband is gentle, patient, and he keeps his cool. I am in awe. I am not always one to keep my cool. I am the one to yell when someone cuts me off in traffic, I am the backseat driver, and often a trash talker. (I know the other car cannot hear me, but it still feels good to let it out.) Chris always asks me, “do you feel better now?” or “did it help to go crazy telling them off when they cannot hear you?” Yes and yes. Chris on the other hand has grace. He might not like that I am stating that he is graceful, as I think many men might think that word has more connotations of something feminine, but sorry Chris, it is the truth. I love this quote from William Hazlett:

“Gracefulness has been defined to be the outward expression of the inward harmony of the soul.”

Chris, thank you for being an example to me for what is possible, and for being my conscience and my reminder that we can be better each day. As I said earlier, I am in awe of your strong example of grace.

Are you planning for your future?

Posted by random olio

Have you thought about where you might want to retire? I have not. Maybe it is my age, but I still feel like I have too much to experience in life before I know what I want to do in my retirement. However, whether I know where I want to retire or not, I am going to do all I can to plan for how I will support myself in retirement. The place will eventually be clear to us. In the meantime, we are doing what we can to put ourselves in the right financial place for retirement.

I have strong opinions about setting up a plan for saving for our future. I will tell you why. Just like you might eat well, or exercise so you can be around for many years to come for your children, you have to do the same with your financial future. When my parents passed on, they had not a single penny put away for retirement. I do not blame them. They had to use whatever income they did have to make sure we had food on the table. My mom often worked a few jobs to make that happen. They did not have the luxury to even think about their retirement, and yet when they passed on in their fifties they had not a penny to their name. I have no idea what they would have done if they had lived. Would I, or my siblings be taking care of them?

Life is different now. It used to be that folks would have a pension and Social Security. These days I am not sure that Social Security will be around when I am in retirement. Because of that possibility, Chris and I believe we have to do our own part to ensure we have the funds available to retire. If Social Security is around then it will just be icing on the cake. Yet, according to Fidelity Investments, “41% of couples surveyed in 2011 do handle retirement decisions together—which leaves about one in six couples who don’t.” It is an interesting article, definitely worth reading further.

Yet, I am a bit shocked. 41% is not enough. I am grateful for the 41% of couples that are talking, but what about the other 59%? And, of the 41% that are talking, are they saving, or just talking? How many of you are taking care of your future? Have you begun saving for retirement? It is not an exciting topic, but an important one to ensure that we can continue to live, retire, and enjoy our future.

What did you dream about?

Posted by random olio

What did you dream about? Not last night. And, not while you were sleeping. What did you dream about as a child? Did you think you could figure out how to make world peace happen? Or, find a way for women to be respected and not harmed? Or did you dream about having the white picket fence, 2.5 children, husband or wife, and a dog? Or was that the Barbie world of Ken dolls, Corvettes, and G.I. Joe? How about a dream of opening a bakery, or becoming a lawyer?

This Daily Worth article by Amanda Steinberg is a tribute to Jody Sherman, former CEO of ecomom.com. Jody recently took his own life. This is an excerpt from her tribute:

“Girls (so I thought) were supposed to dream about carpeted split-levels and baking cookies for their kids. As a 7 year-old, I’d fantasize about flying planes over Somalia to deliver food, or marching into Palestine to ask, Can we resolve this already? I feel most at home when I’m not home—out in the mess of the world, working on solutions to huge, systemic problems.”

Amanda’s look back at her childhood makes me think back to mine. My dreams ebbed and flowed. I did not have the wedding notebook, or dream about kids. I think the experiences I had as a child were a bit limited so I had no idea how much of the world I was truly missing out on. The memories I have of my dreams, were about writing and being an author (which I find so interesting today), being an artist, and being an entrepreneur. I think the art I did at school, selling Girl Scout cookies, canvasing for my paper route, and selling candies and nuts for school, made me think about what other kinds of business ideas I could come up with in the future. It is interesting to look back on what engaged me when I was young compared to where I am today.

I also remember having a dream to be able to take care of my family. For me that meant being able to pay my bills and having food on the table. Sometimes our dreams have more to do with what we do not have, and wanting the security and fulfillment to know we do not have to worry anymore. I am grateful that dream has come true.

Do you remember your childhood dreams?

Who Sees Your Potential?

Posted by random olio

Do you see your full potential? Or, do you have someone in your life that sees what you are capable of? There are always times in our life when we feel stuck and we need someone else to help us to look at our life and world with a new lens. I recently found this quote by Susane Colasanti on the Aubrey Road blog:

“One of the most amazing things that can happen is finding someone who sees everything you are and won’t let you be anything less. They see the potential of you. They see endless possibilities. And through their eyes, you start to see yourself the same way.”

-Susane Colasanti

There are moments in all of our lives when we have a harder time seeing the full potential in ourselves. We may feel bogged down by work, stressed out by family obligations, or just unclear on what our purpose is in life. We need that person that sees us for all our sassiness and knows what we are capable of when we cannot see it for ourselves. The person that pushes us to turn over the lump of coal and see the diamond in the rough. Sometimes it is one person, and other times it could be multiple people in our life that see our potential and push us to look at life in new ways.

When we are too weak, cloudy, or broken down they help us to fight for ourselves. When we are not taking care of ourselves, or do not treat others well, this someone can act like a mirror for us to truly see how we are acting. It might mean they tell us that we need to work less and play more. Or maybe, we need to stop being scared and go back to school and take our career to new and different levels. Or it might be that we need to challenge and stand up to a family member, and past attempts have not been successful.

They cheer us on, anchor us, and coach. They praise and give us words of affirmation when we need them, hold us together when we need it most, and yell and challenge us when we need to hear something strong and loud. The result? We believe, get inspired, and move towards our potential. We thrive.

Who in your life sees your potential?

If you never try, you never know

Posted by random olio

If I had a song from 2012 that moved me, I think it would be: Coldplay’s, “Fix You.” I cannot get it out of my mind. It is amazing to me how emotional music can be and how easily it can tug at my heart-strings. Here are a few of the lyrics:

“When you try your best, but you don’t succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can’t sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can’t replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?”

It is not the happiest of songs, but it is a song you can feel in your bones. I was running the other day (outside with music instead of on the treadmill), going down a hill, with my arms stretched out wide. It was a good feeling. That feeling of being free, relaxed, with no complicated thoughts bogging me down. Later in the song is my favorite line: “But if you never try you’ll never know.” That is the line that hits me each time. I think of different decisions Chris and I have made in the past year, and throughout our marriage. I think of professional experiences, friendships, and conversations with family members. It is a mantra about fear, taking risks, and chances.

If we never try we never know.