Money Club or Book Club?

Posted by random olio

Is it bad that I am intrigued by the idea of getting together with others and instead of having a book club (which of course would be great too) having a Money Club? Is it me, or do I feel that most others would not enjoy it? Is it because money is such a taboo topic among so many of us? I do not think a Money Club would necessarily need to be just women, but then maybe it would make women feel more empowered if it was just women. In any case, I am curious, if a monthly Money Club get-together is something folks would go to?

I got the idea from a LearnVest Daily email newsletter. I wish I had come up with the idea. I did not know the idea had been around for a long time. After doing a Google search I found quite a few websites that give details on how to start a Money Club. Regardless, I think it is something I might try to start. We all need to be more liberated about money issues, debt, talking to our spouses about our checking accounts, spending needs, etc. The above link shares steps for starting your own money club.

It is possible your Money Club might start out and be a bit uncomfortable. I think it is because of how little we talk with others about money, but it is so needed. I know plenty of individuals that are freaked out to even look at their checkbook so they just resist doing so and as a result do not know how much money they have to their name, or if their bank is hemorrhaging their accounts with unwanted and unnecessary fees. Others may not know what their joint income is and whether or not they have an emergency fund (maybe their spouse takes care of all of it and they never talk about it). A Money Club could help shed light on their current financial state, and if they are on track for retirement, are they financially prepared for the loss of spouse, or the loss of income. Or maybe it is about sharing resources, ideas, and encouragement for individuals wherever they are in their financial experience.

Financial conversations may not be something that you care about, and it may bore you to death, but it is as necessary as attending to many of our basic needs. Maybe I should start a virtual Money Club via phone or online if there are not enough interested individuals in my local area. So if an ETF or a living will leave you with a blank look on your face, maybe a Money Club is a great way to learn more, have fun, and get to know others while helping you to feel at peace about your financial future.

I am off to ponder this idea further.

Engagement rings as downpayment?

Posted by random olio

I just started reading “All the Money in the World: What the Happiest People Know about Getting and Spending” by Laura Vanderkam. I am intrigued by quite a few ideas I have read so far, so I have a feeling I might end up writing about this book over the next few days. For those of you that may not know me, I am avidly interested in personal finance. I believe that as we grow up we do not learn about personal finance unless our family teaches us, or we specifically take classes in college, or some other random way. Most of us wind up learning about it by default, and even at that we do not feel completely confident about what we really know regarding finance.

The premise of this book is that even with all the money in the world most of us would still not be happy. The author explains how we can use money as a tool to creatively set ourselves up to do the things we want to do in life. Because I am passionate about money issues and women issues I found the following ideas interesting about engagement rings. The average couple spends $5000 on an engagement ring. My husband and I quasi eloped. We told folks before we left to get married, had a send off party, but went to sun and sand just the two of us, with the officiant, photographer, and videographer as our witnesses. Based on how we got married, I have an interest and intrigue for big and small weddings and how folks decide to get married. With that I have always been fascinated by the engagement process. We did not have a formal engagement, or an engagement ring, our experience was all very non traditional. In her book, Laura talks about how men in the 1930’s would propose to women and then have a string of fiancees. To protect women multiple states added laws that allowed women to sue for breach of promise, meaning that men had expensive consequences when proposing to multiple women. I am shocked (and a bit in awe) that women had very few rights at the time, and yet they could sue a man for breach of promise. This is the background Laura shares:

“Then in 1935, a legislator from Indiana sponsored a bill abolishing broken engagement as a reason to sue for damages. Other jurisdictions followed, which soon raised a question: if a woman couldn’t sue, what could she do to protect herself? One solution would be to demand a large transfer of capital as part of an engagement. That would make any prospective grooms think twice about seducing a woman under false pretenses. The most efficient way to do this would be for the man to give his beloved money. Money can be used for anything, and so this method would at least let the woman do something useful with it, like go to school or start a business. But genteel folks have always found cash a bit tacky in proper situations, so that didn’t catch on. Fortuitously, at the same time brides were looking for something expensive yet respectable to secure their honor, the diamond industry faced a glut of the precious stones and needed some way to move them. Seeing an opportunity, the DeBeers company staged one of the first national marketing campaigns to boost diamond sales. Its advertising agency got Hollywood stars to wear conspicuous rings, and movies soon featured engagement scenes involving diamonds. Within just three decades the diamond engagement ring was welded into the culture, almost universally accepted…” page 18-19

So our current day engagement ring came about from women finding an expensive way to secure their honor. Does that mean if the man breaks off an engagement then the woman keeps the ring, but if a woman breaks an engagement she has to return the ring to the man? It made me start to think: is the cost and purchase of an engagement ring still necessary? Is it the most fiscally responsible way for a groom (or a couple) to spend their money before starting their life together?

Food for thought.

Weekend Recap // National Library Week

Posted by random olio

What a wonderful weekend! Chris’ parents were here for the weekend and we packed in lots of walking, talking, and of course eating. After taking them to the airport, Sunday afternoon was a nap, movie for Chris, and a nice long run for me. Gratefully we had sun this weekend, and it seemed that all Portlanders were outside, many in a t-shirt and shorts which made me cold, the sun was out but it was not super warm. Yet.

So this week is National Library Week (April 8 – April 14). I can remember going to the library when I was little. I do not know how old I was when I started checking out books, but I can remember going in the summer and telling them which books I read, and getting to put stickers on the wall for the summer reading club. I was also involved in the “Book It” program with Pizza Hut. I cannot remember if this was with my school or my local library, but I just looked it up and it is still active. I remember meeting certain reading goals, and then getting a coupon to go to Pizza Hut for a free personal pizza. As a kid I did not get to go for pizza often, so I thought it was the coolest thing to read books and get free pizza!

I now go to my local library weekly, almost as often as I frequent the grocery store. I am either returning books or picking up new ones. At the moment I have 20 books sitting on the shelf to be read. Since you can place books on hold electronically, I am at the mercy of when it is my turn for a specific book. This is my system: My library allows books to be checked out for 3 weeks. For a book where there are a lot of holds, and I know I will not be able to renew it after 3 weeks, I move that to the top of my list to read. For older books where there are not any holds and many copies available, I know I will be able to renew it so it goes lower down in my stack. I am so grateful for our local libraries, I have saved a ton of $$ not purchasing books and I have just finished my 39th book for 2012.

You can find more details about National Library Week events in your area at this link.

Since I am on the topics of libraries and books, I have an odd thing to share. This was in the book I was reading this weekend. It says: “I’ve been gone a lot from library (smiley face) doctors appts.” Was it planted there for the next reader? For the library? Who knows, but very random! It sounds like something I would write when I wake up in the middle of the night and make notes on the pad of paper by my bed. I have been known to write some random things in the middle of the night!

post-it in random book

I need to go decide which book I am going to read next!

The “I CAN”

Posted by random olio

My dad and the “I CAN.” I wish I still had a picture of the “I CAN.” Imagine a large size of Campbell’s Tomato Soup. The giant size that feeds a family. Take off the soup label so you just have the can, and take two bottle caps and nail them in to make eyes. (Forgive me for forgetting what my dad used for the nose and mouth). He then took a large strip of yellow paper and in large letters wrote I CAN. He gave one of these each to my sister, brother, and me. The I CAN sat on our desks, and we used them for pencils, pens, and markers.

So now that you know what it looked like (sans the nose and mouth), the purpose of the I CAN was a reminder to each of us that we could and were capable of anything. Now, I am not sure my dad was always thinking of the bigger world and all the mountains we could climb or all the things we could accomplish, but his point did hit home. Whenever we were asked to do something and we either did not want to or felt we could not do it or were not capable and the words I CAN’T came out of our mouth, my dad would say: “Should we go get your I CAN?” He would often also add: “Can’t didn’t do anything.” His point most of the time was that we could switch the laundry, clean up after the dog, reach something that was too high (that was what the stool was for), and that most of the time we just did not want to try. Maybe he did not want to do the task at hand, maybe he just wanted us to know we could do it ourselves, whatever the true motivations behind the I CAN, it was a prevalent fixture during my elementary school years.

I am not sure I thought much about the I CAN after my dad moved out, or when I left home, or when I later did not have the option to physically speak to him each day. Regardless, I sometimes thought of the I CAN sitting on my desk, and thought of him saying: “Can’t didn’t do anything.” Thank you, Dad. Whatever was your motivation, I hope I have grown up enough to say: “I have a choice as to whether I am going to do this, but I am not going to NOT do it because I do not think I CAN, or because of fear, or because I do not want to try.”

Hopefully this inspires you to go into your day with a little inspiration that you CAN do more.

Pay when you put yourself down?

Posted by random olio

My sister recently posted this article to Facebook. It is a Huffington Post article titled: “How We’re Paying For Putting Ourselves Down (And Why We’ll Pay For You To Say Something Nice!)” (The Huffington Post link is not working, so the above link is from Stylelist). It is a great article. It really made me think. It discusses how women cut themselves down and say things like: “I feel so fat” (you know the list that goes on and on). If they say such things about themselves they have to put money in a jar. The article then suggests the money going to an organization that supports girls called: Girls, Inc. I am just as much to blame for saying such things to myself. I will need to start my own jar. Maybe I should add a jar for my bad language too.

It reminds me of something I think about often when I am around children, (little girls mostly but that does not mean it does not apply to little boys). You know when you first greet a little girl, and they are wearing the cutest dress? You say: “oh you look so cute” or “you are so pretty” or “what a pretty dress.” When you approach a little boy, do you comment on their appearance? I imagine it is much rarer. I read in a book a few months ago (and I wish I could remember which book) where the author discusses how she has changed her tune in talking to younger girls (more in the range of toddler age). The author gave an example of a time recently at a friend’s house where she was interacting with their young daughter. She was very careful not to comment on the girl’s clothes or appearance, but rather she got down on their level and asks them what they like to do. Saying something like: “Do you like to read?” The little girl got excited and answered in the affirmative. So this author said: “could you bring me your favorite book and read to me?” After spending some time together reading, the author said she acknowledged this young girl by saying what a great reader she was and discussing the ideas in the book. To her it felt like acknowledging this little girl for something she truly enjoyed, and not the dress she was wearing.

I have vowed to attempt that in my interactions with little ones (really it should be the same for boys too). However, I sometimes find it hard. Sometimes a little girl wants to talk to you about her dress, or the bows in her hair. She wants to show you her doll or how she knows how to brush the doll’s hair. So, in those cases I take the cues from the little girls, rather than putting the idea in their heads that what I notice and comment about them is their dress, or pretty curls. Although regardless of gender, I will call out when a child has a beautiful smile, because that is something we should never lose and I think acknowledging it matters.

My hope is that if we approach little girls differently, just maybe they will not need a “I Promise to Stop Saying Negative Things about my Body Jar.” Maybe they will be proud of their bodies, because we will raise them to focus on who they are and not by their looks, hair, and bodies.

Hopeful in Portland.