Sliding Door Moments

Posted by random olio

One of my favorite movies is Sliding Doors. When I first saw it I had short hair so I was completely into Gwyneth Paltrow’s short hair style. Yes, that was just the icing. Really I was engulfed in the story that the closing of a train door could completely change your life. You could miss that closing door, and it meant potentially not finding out that your boyfriend was cheating on you. (A story line in the movie).

I think of Sliding Doors often in my day-to-day life. Will this decision impact that decision? Will I regret it later? There have been many of those moments in my life. Taking a specific job, moving across the country, almost every decision we make could be a Sliding Door moment. Even some negative experiences we have can be Sliding Door moments, all based on how we react or respond to the situation.

I have one that I will not forget. I am not going to go into the details of the bad experience, but one night almost 12 years ago, a Sliding Door moment changed my life. I do not know if I would be sitting here writing this with Chris sitting ten feet away from me. That moment meant that instead of doing whatever I would have done that night, I was with Chris, and the conversation, love and support I received from him shifted something inside me and I was never the same again. One door shut and another was opened. I am not sure I would have seen the door open for me otherwise.

The rest is history.

If you have not seen the movie Sliding Doors, I encourage you to Red Box, Netflix, or borrow it from your local library. You will not be disappointed.

Find my husband… app

Posted by random olio

A colleague was recently telling me about an iOS app that was pulled from the iTunes store called: “Find my husband.” Apparently it was pulled for privacy issues. The intent of the app was that a wife (or I guess a husband too) could install this app on their husband’s phone and then be able to track their whereabouts whenever they wished. So if they called or texted their husband and they said oh I am just leaving work, and the app shows that they are nowhere near work, they would catch them lying.

I find such an app strange. It undercuts the entire idea of integrity and trust. I guess I feel that way because I know and trust my husband, but I suppose I can slightly understand why someone freaked out that their husband is cheating on them might install this app. Apple removed it from the iTunes store for privacy issues, but it looks like it is still available for Android users.

Having said all that, I am still a bit flabbergasted by this app. Of course there are times when I might want to know where Chris is, but not to track him down because I do not trust him, more because I want him safe. I can call him or text him to see where he is, and ask if all is okay. Couples need to tell each other the truth. If a spouse is cheating, be honest about it or leave the relationship. What has the world come to that our smart phones are now filling in as undercover detectives in our lives? Instead have the tough conversations.

I can understand the “Find my kids” app, but is the Find my husband app going a little too far?

My thoughts of what a man thinks…

Posted by random olio

I had drinks with some friends on Friday night. We were laughing and joking around about men and women. Eventually we ended talking about randomolio.com. Someone said to me, I wonder what you would say if you wrote about “What a man thinks…”

It made me chuckle. It made me think about a conversation at work a few weeks ago, where a few of us were answering the question, if you had any superpower what would it be? I answered: reading people’s minds. Yes, I know what you might be thinking. That would be annoying, chaotic, and people would stop wanting to be around me if they knew. I have thought often about that superpower, because so often I find that people do not really say what they are thinking. Ever thought of that? As a woman do you wonder what a man is thinking at a given moment? As a man, I am sure you wonder all that is going through a woman’s mind.

Now back to men. Do they say what they are thinking? Yes, and no. I cannot make a blanket statement for all men, but the ones I have watched throughout my life, well I have found that they say what they are thinking when they feel safe, or powerful, or comfortable, or when there is actually something on their mind. See it really depends on the dynamics in a room, and it ALWAYS matters if there is something going on in their mind.

I have learned with Chris, if there is an issue that bothers me enough when he brings it up, that over time he stops bringing it up (word of note to other women). I have also learned that unlike a woman, there are always times when there is nothing going on inside that male mind. A woman, well that is a different story. The electrical outlets are always in use. There is always some thought process happening, but when you ask a man what is going on up there, there are times when literally nothing is happening. Ever heard of: The Nothing Box? If not, you will want to watch (apologies for the horrible, blurry YouTube video, the audio is what really matters).

What do you think?

If you do not wear a wedding ring, why not?

Posted by random olio

I grew up thinking that men did not wear wedding bands, that it was something only women wore. My dad was in construction and never wore his wedding band. Maybe it was because of the safety aspect, maybe not. Eventually I think he stopped wearing a wedding band because it no longer fit and maybe it was not important enough to him to have it sized correctly.

While talking to a colleague at work this week we somehow came to the conversation of wondering why do some folks who are married not wear a wedding ring? It prompted some questions. Do you not want others to know you are married? Does it no longer fit? Do you dislike the ring you were given? Does it bother you to wear a ring on any finger? Do you play with it, and twist it around your ring finger, thus it is better left at home? (Is it not interesting that it is called the ring finger?) Whatever the reason, we began talking at length about individuals we knew that did not wear a ring. Were they really married? Some we did not know the answer. Others we knew did not wear a ring, but we knew were happily married.

I do believe that our society has over sensitized wedding rings, diamonds, the money involved with purchasing rings, etc. So is wearing a ring still sacred? Does it matter? If you are married, do you cherish wearing a ring? I do. I feel naked without my wedding ring. I look at it often throughout the day. When my hands are cold and it slides around, or on hot days it may feel tighter. It is a wonderful reminder of Chris, and the vows we took together over ten years ago. By the way, I still have my dad’s wedding band, it sits in a box of memorabilia.

So, if you are a man or a woman and do not wear your wedding ring, is there a reason why? I am curious.

Tell someone you love them.

Posted by random olio

Feeling vulnerable. Feeling safe. Which one drives the choices you make on a day-to-day basis? Over the past ten years I have gone from being guarded, closed, and keeping things inside, to being so transparent I probably make others wince. I have no filter, and say what is on my mind. Yet, I know there are people in my life that I do not tell enough how much they mean to me, and how much I love them.

I did not grow up in a lovey-dovey house. In his final few years my dad was a hugger, but it erked me. I could not remember him being like that when I was a kid, and he had so much anger and depression stored inside him I did not know if the hugs were genuine, or if it was his way to try to keep what was left of our family together. What is funny about growing up in an environment of non lovey-doviness, is that it is harder for me to be that way with family (of course with the exception of Chris and I imagine my future little ones). My future little one(s) most likely will get annoyed with my over the top, make sure they know I love them, gushy momness.

Yes, I am going to share another quote from “Bread & Wine” because it is just a great, wholesome book. Her thoughts on love and vulnerability made me think and ponder. It made me question why I sometimes hold my family a bit of a distance away, and why it is easier for me to bring friends, colleagues, and others to a closer distance. I am not going to tell you my findings, as I think they are still percolating within my thoughts, but wanted to share this quote in hopes that it might inspire you to think about those moments that happen where you can tell those close to you why you love them, and why they matter in your life.

“The heart of hospitality is creating space for these moments, protecting that fragile bubble of vulnerability and truth and love. It’s all too rare that we tell the people we love exactly why we love them—what they bring to our lives, why our lives are richer because they’re in it. We do it best, I think, with our nuclear family—most of us tell our children and spouses how much we love them easily and often.” Page 176

We do not solve our insecurities all at once in life, but I appreciate when the thoughts from an author or friend encourage us to look freshly at our life each day and find how we can do one little thing to pull apart the onion layers of our vulnerability, our fears, and our past issues, and look a little more closely at who we are and what scares us. Hopefully, it makes our life richer, more vibrant, lively, and connects us to what matters most.

#tellsomeoneyoulovethem