Feeling vulnerable. Feeling safe. Which one drives the choices you make on a day-to-day basis? Over the past ten years I have gone from being guarded, closed, and keeping things inside, to being so transparent I probably make others wince. I have no filter, and say what is on my mind. Yet, I know there are people in my life that I do not tell enough how much they mean to me, and how much I love them.
I did not grow up in a lovey-dovey house. In his final few years my dad was a hugger, but it erked me. I could not remember him being like that when I was a kid, and he had so much anger and depression stored inside him I did not know if the hugs were genuine, or if it was his way to try to keep what was left of our family together. What is funny about growing up in an environment of non lovey-doviness, is that it is harder for me to be that way with family (of course with the exception of Chris and I imagine my future little ones). My future little one(s) most likely will get annoyed with my over the top, make sure they know I love them, gushy momness.
Yes, I am going to share another quote from “Bread & Wine” because it is just a great, wholesome book. Her thoughts on love and vulnerability made me think and ponder. It made me question why I sometimes hold my family a bit of a distance away, and why it is easier for me to bring friends, colleagues, and others to a closer distance. I am not going to tell you my findings, as I think they are still percolating within my thoughts, but wanted to share this quote in hopes that it might inspire you to think about those moments that happen where you can tell those close to you why you love them, and why they matter in your life.
“The heart of hospitality is creating space for these moments, protecting that fragile bubble of vulnerability and truth and love. It’s all too rare that we tell the people we love exactly why we love them—what they bring to our lives, why our lives are richer because they’re in it. We do it best, I think, with our nuclear family—most of us tell our children and spouses how much we love them easily and often.” Page 176
We do not solve our insecurities all at once in life, but I appreciate when the thoughts from an author or friend encourage us to look freshly at our life each day and find how we can do one little thing to pull apart the onion layers of our vulnerability, our fears, and our past issues, and look a little more closely at who we are and what scares us. Hopefully, it makes our life richer, more vibrant, lively, and connects us to what matters most.