“Routine doesn’t deserve its bad reputation.”

Posted by random olio

I am in the middle of reading “Happier at Home” by Gretchen Rubin. You might have heard of her book: “The Happiness Project” which I read last year. “Happier at Home” brings The Happiness Project to her home, where she looks for ways to make her life happier with a specific focus on her home. She breaks it up into different areas she wants to focus on each month. One of the areas that resonated with me while reading over the weekend was her section on routine.

Usually I have a love/hate feeling about routines. Part of me loves the competition I have with myself to stick to a routine. Part of me feels like it makes me completely boring, dull, and unadventurous to follow a routine each day. I have quite a few routines. I have a green smoothie every morning. I eat basically the same lunch everyday. I go crazy if I do not get a run in each day. I like to stay up-to-date on my email as much as possible. An overflowing inbox makes me feel out of whack. For some reason these so-called routines that I have help me feel like I have just a bit more control over something in my life, when so many of the other aspects of life I have no control over. This all came into my thought after reading this quote from Rubin’s book:

“Routine doesn’t deserve its bad reputation. It’s true that novelty and challenge bring happiness, and that people who break their routines, try new things, and go to new places are happier, but routine can also bring happiness. The pleasure of doing the same thing, in the same way, every day, shouldn’t be overlooked. The things I do every day take on a certain beauty and provide a kind of invisible architecture to my life. Andy Warhol wrote, ‘Either once only, or every day. If you do something once it’s exciting, and if you do it every day it’s exciting. But if you do it, say, twice or just almost every day, it’s not good any more’.” page 147

In my own way my routine does bring me happiness. I can do these specific things in my life and not have to overly think about them. I do not have to agonize over what to make for breakfast or lunch. I feel so much calmer and collected after my run. These routines ground me. They bring a balance to my life and that makes me happier.

What do you think? Does routine bring you happiness, or does it feel like it drags you down?

Response to yesterday’s blog

Posted by random olio

Yesterday I wrote about a book I had a recently read and shared a quote. I received the following comment from Renee at unpackedwriter:

“Great post! Very well written, yet author has not answered the question of the post…Have you gone there? How have you opened that door and revealed or re-revealed yourself as you really are? Hard to make these generalizations, as wonderfully expressed as they are without examples.

And what happens if we change the script of who we are midlife, or begin a slow but unrevealed realization that we’ve been concealing something. Speaking as a woman, I’ve hidden certain types of rarely used “toys” from my husband because they haven’t fit the understood script of who we are together. How does the book address such? Are there examples you are comfortable sharing from your own life?”

I thought today that I would respond to this comment directly in my blog. Thank you for your feedback, Renee. I have definitely gone there. I hide nothing from my husband. We have a completely transparent marriage. If you talked to my friends you would find that I do not go to them with my relationship issues. If there is something that needs to be discussed about my marriage, it is with Chris himself. My marriage is with Chris and not with others in my life, therefore, he should be the one that knows my thoughts, concerns, and feelings. There is not a day that goes by that he does not know what I am thinking and feeling.

If we have had a disagreement, or not communicated well and I am upset, I cannot fall asleep at night. I might go to bed, and try, but I cannot go to sleep. I may have laid there for hours, and if I do and he has fallen asleep, I have to be the brat and wake him up and talk it all out. This rarely happens, because most of the time we over communicate.

Regarding your question about if the book addresses this – the answer is no. Since Shapiro’s book is a compilation of interviews with married or divorced individuals, there were short snippets of ideas and quotes from individuals. The quote I shared was from one individual’s experience. It made me think of individuals in my life that are in relationships, hiding who they really are because they are afraid of losing the person they are dating. I so want them and others in my life to be who they are, and not hide because of the thought of losing someone in their life.

I hope that sheds more light and background on my own personal experience and thoughts. As well as a bit about why it was important to me. Thank you again for taking the time to share your comment and feedback!

What turns you on? What freaks you out?

Posted by random olio

I recently finished the book: “You Can Be Right [or You Can Be Married]” by Dana Adam Shapiro. I wrote a blog post about it recently sharing a quote about whether your eyes light up when kids walk into a room. His book is definitely worth the read if you are contemplating marriage, or wondering if your current relationship will take it to that next level to marriage. Of course I should clarify that I am not looking to change anything in my marriage, I read a great review on his book and decided it might be worth the read. It really is a fairly good book for anyone married or not.

Shapiro interviews many different individuals about their current and past marriages and shares excerpts from these sessions. A recent conversation with a co-worker reminded me of this quote from Shapiro’s book:

“The problem, I think, is that we get so giddy at the prospect of having found ‘the one’ that we airbrush ourselves—and our partners—into a corner. Desperate to connect, we unwittingly self-sabotage through brazen acts of self-promotion, and like most forms of advertising, the pitch distorts the truth. Better to just be honest; every lie requires a lifetime of maintenance. What really turns you on? What really freaks you out? “ page 16

This scares me. We have become so concerned with finding the “one” and not losing them that we turn into someone else. It makes me want to jump up and down in a rant, scream and yell, and beat my chest in hopes that all of you out there that are pretending to be someone else will wake up, hear me, and snap out of it. Be who you are. Be who you are with excitement and glee. If that boy or girl, man or woman is not interested in you, then walk away. Walk away now. It is not worth wasting your time and energy to hide behind yourself. Be honest. Be direct. Be blunt. Be you.

I ask you in my long and meandering rant. Are you telling your spouse, partner, girlfriend, boyfriend, friend what does turn you on or freaks you out? Do you yourself know what turns you on or freaks you out? Are they still there? Good. Do they hold you to it? Do they challenge and push you to keep charging down the road towards what turns you on? Do they hold your hand as you encounter what freaks you out? Do you know and do the same for them? Good.

If you do not know, find out. If you are afraid to open that door, do not wait. Kick that door in. Let it splinter and break. And, leave the airbrush and paint at the fair. Your time is now.

Balance, hard work, and play…

Posted by random olio

Does your life ever feel balanced? Often one thing or another is out of whack. Either we are working too much, or someone is consuming our time, or we are socializing too much and we feel the effects of the imbalance in our life. Yesterday’s Daily Om on balance hit home for me because it has always been something I have struggled with – finding a balance in my life. I love this quote from this Daily Om:

“Balance is the state that you achieve when all of the aspects of your life and self are in harmony. Your life force flows in a state of equilibrium because nothing feels out of sync. While balance is necessary to have a satisfying, energetic, and joyful life, only you can determine what balance means to you.”

Why does finding a balance seem to be so hard for so many? Is it because we have high aspirations and want to accomplish so much in our lives? Do we say yes to all things we are interested in, and there truly is not enough time in the day? There are days when I work long hours, write my blog, spend time with Chris, go for my run (and read at the same time) and crawl into bed and in a few short minutes I am asleep. I love all the different activities that fill my life, but there are times when too much feels like too much.

My issue might be that I immerse myself in the world I am in. I work hard. I have high expectations for myself. I do not like to give up. Ever. If only I could have high expectations for play. For learning how to relax. Chris does a great job at pushing me to relax each day, but it is something that I need to learn to also balance on my own. I often ask myself: Why is it so hard to relax? How can I better learn how to balance my life between work and play?

What do you do to find a balance in your life?

Random, coherent, middle of the night ramblings

Posted by random olio

Saturday night I woke up in the middle of the night and made a note of the thoughts that were in my head. When I woke up Sunday morning, this is what the notepad said:

“Think about the past. Strategize about the future. Live in the present.”

Wow. I wish I had more great moments like that when I am awake. Since I feel it is a great idea, I googled it to see if anyone else had that quote, and did not find anything. So maybe I have my first “quote.” Feel free to share.

I have been thinking a lot about who I am, what I believe in, what my mission in life is, and what I stand for. Not only have I been thinking about it, but I have been processing how I might eloquently put it all into words. A few weeks ago, I was doing an activity with my team at work and I had an ah ha moment. You know the kind. If you were on Oprah she might say she got goose bumps. It was a moment of clarity for me. I am not going to share just yet (yes you’ll have to be patient a little longer). I would like to sand the rough edges off my little mission statement. It is not yet ready for consumption.

Do you have your own mission statement? Just a few sentences you can share with others that tells them a lot about you. What are you passionate about, what pisses you off, what motivates you? Once I am done with the sand paper, I will share it here. I would love to hear from others about what steps they have taken to put together their own mission statement.