Rising Strong: Passing on our pain and hurt to others

There are times when we all get frustrated and act out, not always exhibiting our best selves to the world. Maybe we are having a rough day, are cranky, tired, and in my case potentially hungry. Chris has a joke for when I am cranky and he knows I am probably hungry. He says: “Do you need a Snickers bar?” It is his nicer way of telling me that maybe my grumpy mood is connected to my hunger. Often we also have too high expectations (I know I do) and those lead to disappointment.

I recently finished reading Brene Brown’s new book to come out: “Rising Strong.” Brown is the author of “Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead a book that is on my top 5 list. I have been patiently awaiting the release of Rising Strong. This specific idea Brown shares discusses not passing our pain and hurt on to others. Oh, and I love the term badassery.

“There are too many people today who instead of feeling hurt are acting out their hurt; instead of acknowledging pain, they’re inflicting pain on others. Rather than risking feeling disappointed, they’re choosing to live disappointed. Emotional stoicism is not badassery. Blustery posturing is not badassery. Swagger is not badassery. Perfection is about the furthest thing in the world from badassery.” Page xxvii

So how do we go about focusing more on how we are “feeling” rather than transferring our pain and disappointment to others. First, you might read “Rising Strong.” Another simple way is to talk about it. Chris and I have been talking a lot recently about how we want to raise the son we will meet in just a few months. One of the things that comes to me so strongly is encouraging and creating an environment where he feels comfortable to share his words, emotions, and feelings. I did not grow up in such an environment, and Chris keeps a lot to himself. I want to make sure that we are not doing anything as parents that closes any doors for our son to freely be himself.

A more open and free person feels their hurt and disappointment and acts out less to others. Remember that when you watch someone live their pain, they might just need a bit of help to see what they are doing and how to change gears.

Balance, hard work, and play…

Does your life ever feel balanced? Often one thing or another is out of whack. Either we are working too much, or someone is consuming our time, or we are socializing too much and we feel the effects of the imbalance in our life. Yesterday’s Daily Om on balance hit home for me because it has always been something I have struggled with – finding a balance in my life. I love this quote from this Daily Om:

“Balance is the state that you achieve when all of the aspects of your life and self are in harmony. Your life force flows in a state of equilibrium because nothing feels out of sync. While balance is necessary to have a satisfying, energetic, and joyful life, only you can determine what balance means to you.”

Why does finding a balance seem to be so hard for so many? Is it because we have high aspirations and want to accomplish so much in our lives? Do we say yes to all things we are interested in, and there truly is not enough time in the day? There are days when I work long hours, write my blog, spend time with Chris, go for my run (and read at the same time) and crawl into bed and in a few short minutes I am asleep. I love all the different activities that fill my life, but there are times when too much feels like too much.

My issue might be that I immerse myself in the world I am in. I work hard. I have high expectations for myself. I do not like to give up. Ever. If only I could have high expectations for play. For learning how to relax. Chris does a great job at pushing me to relax each day, but it is something that I need to learn to also balance on my own. I often ask myself: Why is it so hard to relax? How can I better learn how to balance my life between work and play?

What do you do to find a balance in your life?