Who Sees Your Potential?

Posted by random olio

Do you see your full potential? Or, do you have someone in your life that sees what you are capable of? There are always times in our life when we feel stuck and we need someone else to help us to look at our life and world with a new lens. I recently found this quote by Susane Colasanti on the Aubrey Road blog:

“One of the most amazing things that can happen is finding someone who sees everything you are and won’t let you be anything less. They see the potential of you. They see endless possibilities. And through their eyes, you start to see yourself the same way.”

-Susane Colasanti

There are moments in all of our lives when we have a harder time seeing the full potential in ourselves. We may feel bogged down by work, stressed out by family obligations, or just unclear on what our purpose is in life. We need that person that sees us for all our sassiness and knows what we are capable of when we cannot see it for ourselves. The person that pushes us to turn over the lump of coal and see the diamond in the rough. Sometimes it is one person, and other times it could be multiple people in our life that see our potential and push us to look at life in new ways.

When we are too weak, cloudy, or broken down they help us to fight for ourselves. When we are not taking care of ourselves, or do not treat others well, this someone can act like a mirror for us to truly see how we are acting. It might mean they tell us that we need to work less and play more. Or maybe, we need to stop being scared and go back to school and take our career to new and different levels. Or it might be that we need to challenge and stand up to a family member, and past attempts have not been successful.

They cheer us on, anchor us, and coach. They praise and give us words of affirmation when we need them, hold us together when we need it most, and yell and challenge us when we need to hear something strong and loud. The result? We believe, get inspired, and move towards our potential. We thrive.

Who in your life sees your potential?

The sound of her voice…

Posted by random olio

A few weeks ago, I finished reading “Tiny Beautiful Things” by Cheryl Strayed. She is the author that wrote “Wild” which is about her experience hiking the Pacific Crest Trail. “Tiny Beautiful Things” is a compilation of many “Dear Sugar” advice columns from The Rumpus. At times these columns tore me apart. Like this excerpt from one of her columns:

“It will never be okay, and yet there we were, the two of us more than okay, both of us happier and luckier than anyone has a right to be. You could describe either one of us as ‘joy on wheels,’ though there isn’t one good thing that has happened to either of us that we haven’t experienced through the lens of our grief. I’m not talking about weeping and wailing every day (though sometimes we both did that). I’m talking about what goes on inside, the words unspoken, the shaky quake at the body’s core. There was no mother at our college graduations. There was no mother at our weddings. There was no mother when we sold our first books. There was no mother when our children were born. There was no mother, ever, at any turn for either one of us in our entire adult lives and there never will be.” Page 98

One of the few photos I have of just my parents…

Tears in my eyes. Reminders of the many events and milestones in my own life that I experienced motherless and fatherless. No parents at my college graduation. Or my wedding. I have yet to sell a book, or have a child, but if I ever do, my mom and dad will not be present. Yes, you can tell me they are there in spirit. That will be true, but it does not replace the feeling and the wonder of what it would be like to see their face, to have them hold me, or to tell me they are proud of me. Nothing can replace that. You might also say to me, but how do you know if you would still be close to them? How do you know if your relationship would exist in a way that you would want them there? I would tell you I cannot answer that. I do not know. So instead I have the anticipation of what it would be like. It is like having a dream that you have over and over again, but you always wake up at the same time. So you never really know what happens. You never get to that place in the dream.

Strayed lost her mother at a young age, and after losing her mother, her stepfather (who basically raised her) stopped all contact with her. In a different column Strayed shared a poignant reminder for me:

“I haven’t had parents as an adult. I’ve lived so long without them and yet I carry them with me everyday. They are like two empty bowls I’ve had to repeatedly fill on my own.” Page 307

This is how I have often felt. My mom has been gone for more years than I ever spent with her. It has been 18 years. She died when I was 16. While she will always be a part of my life, there are days when I struggle to remember what she looked and smelled like. The hardest part is that I can barely remember the sound of her voice.

How do you come across?

Posted by random olio

Do you ever wonder what others think of you? Do you ever wonder if others think about how they are coming across, or how they are portraying themselves? I recently finished the book: “Friendkeeping” by Julie Klam. She discusses all types of friendships in her life, which ones feed and fuel her and which ones suck the life out of her. A quote from her book made me think of friends, but it can also really apply to anyone in our life.

“A lot of times people don’t realize how they’re coming across, and sometimes you need to tell them.” page 192

It is an idea that I have thought about often. Have you ever been in an awkward situation with a friend where they are being rude or unkind and you know in your heart that you have to tell them? Or, maybe they are sad and depressed all the time and they do not realize that is the energy they have brought to an experience with others. Another scenario might be where they often plow over you and are thinking only about their situation and completely disregard you or think not a second about your feelings. These are the times when we have to be honest and upfront.

Yet, that can be hard. Why is it that so often we hold back with our closest friends and do not tell them what we think they should hear? Do we think they are not ready for it? Do we think they cannot handle it? Or, is it more that we are concerned that our honesty will drive them away from us, and while they might agree, they are not ready to deal with our honesty? It is a tough position to sometimes be in.

It can be a lot of work. Friends are supposed to be the ones that tell it like it is, where we can be completely transparent and state exactly what is on our mind, but is that always really true? Is it sometimes easier to just not say anything at all and keep it to ourselves? Often the other person is stuck in their own world and cannot for the life of them see where you are coming from and that you have their best interest in mind. You are concerned because you love and care about them!

A letter from a friend to her mom…

Posted by random olio

While some of you may be watching individuals get attacked at Best Buy, or waiting in long lines at your local mall, your patience might be wearing thin. I thought I would share a little humanity and love with you today. I have no interest to join in on any Black Friday sales, but I hope the story I share means you call your mother, or if you mom is no longer with you, whoever in your life you feel compelled to reach out to and tell them how much they mean to you.

When I read this I instantly had tears in my eyes. Actually they were running down my face. As someone who has lost my mom, I read the following letter and thought about my mom riding a bike again, and what it would be like to watch. But, I also had tears and a smile for Mindy and her mom. I’ve known Mindy for almost 20 years and I know many of the ups and downs she has had with her mom. Both with her own frustrations with her mom, and with her deep love for her. Mindy is not someone to ooze with bubbly ramblings about your place in her life. When she tells you what she thinks, you listen. This is her story to share:

“My Mom. A warrior. A breast cancer survivor. A woman who has been dealing with the debilitating disease MS (multiple sclerosis) for at least 15-20 years. She has been hospitalized 3x for an extended period of time within the last year. She walks with a walker, falls often, but always gets back up. She looks like a drunk person when she walks yet every step she takes is calculated and focused. A journey to get from one room to another. One foot in front of the other. Carefully. She repeats herself, forgets things often, or sometimes gets her facts mixed up. Maybe a result of the changing lesions on her brain and spine. I get frustrated with her. I am her primary care giver. Her only care giver. She has a string necklace she hangs on her neck with a plastic button that is her lifeline to 911 if she needs it.

But, with this frustration is a love I cannot verbalize. An admiration for an amazing women beyond words. She told me a few years ago it was her goal to be able to ride a bike again. I smiled. Normally, a very positive motivating person, but felt complete doubt and remorse for her. I didn’t believe her dream would ever come true. She worked with therapists. Tossing balls, balancing on her two feet, using elastic bands to build strength. But, I still never though the day would come. How in the world would she be able to balance on two wheels if she can’t even balance on two feet with a walker?

Mindy’s mom…

But, about 2 months ago mom made a purchase. She bought this bike. With three wheels. Ahhhh. Maybe her dream of riding a bike would come true. On occasion she would tell me she rode her bike that day. I secretly was worried, but would tell her how great that was. Yesterday. Yesterday she told me she rode 3 laps around her block. That is 1.5 miles! My mom. A warrior. A bike rider. I tried to capture in this photo the sense of shear freedom I see in her face when she rides her bike. I think my hand was shaking as I took the photo with complete awe. She has conquered the world. One pedal stroke at a time. Every second fighting for her life and freedom to be normal again. I never tell you this mom. But, I love you. Thank you for being my hero. Love, Mindy”

Oh, Mindy. What a wonderful mom, daughter, and friend you are each day. I appreciate and love you. You and your mom are both warriors. Bring it!

Extreme level of positivity…

Posted by random olio

It has been a full week. In the end, news that might have been taken as bad news ended up being just the news I needed to hear. Which makes me grateful. It will allow me to breathe, stretch, and refocus. It is always funny to me when bad news can actually be good news. Just not always in the way we expect it.

This past weekend I had the opportunity to see a good friend that I had not seen in more than a year. We talk almost weekly, and I feel so privileged that she came to visit us in our new home. Her visit was an inspiration. She wanted to come out and help us pack and move and we were adamant that if she came to visit it was ONLY to hang out and play in Portland.

I wanted to share my admiration about my friend. She always looks at the glass on the table as FULL. Not half full. Not half empty. Always full. She is always positive. It is an inspiration, as I often can nit pick and find the crappy part of an experience. I like to pull things apart and try to better understand why individuals do certain things. In that process I sometimes get frustrated for why things have not been handled in a certain way. I quickly notice how things could be handled better. I see ways others could treat me or those around me better.

She sees the good regardless of the bad. That is not a quality I know of in many people. Her extreme level of positivity is contagious. It reminds me to take a step back and see things differently. The funny thing is that you might think: “extreme level of positivity” means that she is a Pollyanna. She is not. It is real and genuine. She truly sees so much good in others. She gives them the benefit of the doubt. She trusts more.

Thank you, dear friend. You are an inspiration to me. You always want to help and are not picky about how we spend time together. You are always so happy and content with your surroundings and yourself. I appreciate you and am grateful for what you bring to my life.

Happy Friday!