From problem solver to listener

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I have a hard time seeing a problem and not trying to find a solution. It is as though my mind works in a different way, constantly filtering information towards a solution. I see a problem that needs to be solved and I go through the library card file in my mind to determine if there is a current solution, or if it is something that I need to bring others in to help solve. There are often problems that have an easy solution, and others that can be easily solved if you bring in your network of resources.

The problem with the way my mind works? Sometimes it is not my place to find the solution. Sometimes what I need to do is guide others to a solution. Take Chris for an example. He might share a problem with me and the last thing he wants me to do is try to solve it. He just wants me to listen. So I take my hands and sit on them, and listen. Or at least I try to. Deep down I am probably still trying to solve it, but keeping my mouth shut. Other times whether with colleagues or with friends, their problems again are not always ours to solve. We can make suggestions or ask questions, but we cannot always solve the actual problems.

As I write this I see how much better I could be at listening — to Chris, my colleagues, and friends. Coaching sometimes means asking questions such as: Have you thought about ______? Or, have you looked at the other side of the problem? Or, maybe even saying: Put yourself in their shoes, would you handle something differently? I know I can do better at listening, I can do better at formulating questions to get others to think more. Maybe that is part of going from managing to leading.

I love the spiral that sometimes happens when you start writing about one topic and have an “aha” moment that leads you to see a gap or a hole in your life that might be a good area to focus on. I could be better about being directive to solve each problem, and take a step back to allow those that have the problems to resolve them on their own. Listen more, ask questions, and reflect.

#problemsolver

“The Level” from Fluidstance – I want one!

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Every once in a while I crave something I cannot have. My sister sent me a link to this Fast Company article for: The Level. I want one. Be sure to read the Fast Company article for a full background on The Level. But, here is the gist: it is like a skateboard that you stand on at your standing desk, or wherever you might be. It is a balance board that means that you use your core all day long. At this time the Indiegogo effort to raise money for The Level shows that they are sold out. So unless a bunch of us want to go in together to get a group volume we have to wait until they sell normally. Bummer. I think this could actually make me focus differently when I stand at my desk (the few times I am actually at my desk during the day).

I have a standing desk, which I love. I can decide if I want to stand or sit in my tall chair. Often I stand and I enjoy it. I have had a dilemma for quite some time that I am sitting at a computer (whether at my desk or later at night on much couch) and I want to do what I can to reverse the effects of my ever turning in shoulders. I try to stretch more and more when I feel the pain and weight in my shoulders. I should probably schedule more massages and take better care of my back, shoulders, and neck. But, as many of us are, I am negligent, and find that scheduling a massage is time-consuming. It should not be, but somehow it is. For example, I have a gift certificate I got about 9 months ago and expires in March. Which means I have not had a massage in that amount of time, yet somehow I never get around to scheduling the time to release all the tension in my body.

Every time I get a massage I say I need to do it more often, and yet I still do not. Maybe I should schedule it for Valentine’s Day and go pamper myself. Why not? Right? Do you take the time to pamper yourself? If so, what do you do? Hopefully, it does not just involve chocolate, but something that allows you to truly relax and release the stress in your body. Whether it is on a day-to-day basis at work, after work, or on the weekends. We all have to find a way to release the tightness, heaviness, and stress.

I look forward to “The Level” being for sale again. I think I might actually purchase it.

No judgement sistas

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Women can be brutal to each other. Somehow we can be harsh to each other, have high expectations, and do little to comfort our fellow women, mothers, and friends. We need to change that. We need to stop cutting each other down and start building each other up. None of us are perfect. No one has all the answers.

This video from Similac called “The Sisterhood of Motherhood” reminds me how different we all are. Whether you are a granola mom, a working professional mom, or maybe right down the middle, no one is better than another. Watch this video (even with the slightly cheesy ending).

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We need to stop judging and do more connecting. While I do not have kids I do not look forward to the PTA and gossip, the judgment, and back stabbing. Sometimes I think about it and am reminded that all these phases we go through in life are like little microcosms of middle school that we relive over and over again. I know someone who has neighbors that are a quite like Desperate Housewives. Lots of whispering, purposefully excluding certain neighbors, and often downright rude. Is it a woman thing?

Instead let’s have each other’s back. No judgement for whether you use formula or breast feed, fill a landfill with diapers or use cloth. We all have choices we have to make in life. How about we do them without judging each other?

“This Girl Can”

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Somehow my dad instilled in us that we could do whatever we put our mind to and it started with trying. While much of my childhood reminds me of how much we failed my dad, there were definitely moments that he instilled positive reinforcement that we were capable and we had to put one leg in front of the other and go. A blog post from the early days of my blog brings back memories of my dad, titled: “The I CAN.” I cannot say that I exhibited a strong sense of believing in those days that anything was possible. Over the years of health challenges and other issues, mixed with the raw and real reality that somehow I have always had just what I needed, these past few years I have a newfound zeal for doing anything and everything possible to suck the life out of every day.

In my mid twenties to early thirties I went through a tough medical challenge. While I do not really care to share the details, I will tell you that when I got through it I looked at life with a new lens. Yes, I jumped into life head, feet, and whole body first. I was finally able to make it through my day without my body crashing at 2 pm. I could run (at first slowly). I could sweat again. This video makes me happy because I hope women of all shapes and sizes feel the same way. Due to my health challenges I had gained over 40 pounds so I can attest to what it felt like to start moving again. Take a peek at the video.

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Inspired? It is from the UK group “This Girl Can.” I hope that all girls, women, ladies (whatever you want to be called) feel they can move, sweat, and do what they want. It feels good to jump, dive, swim, run, bike, and move. Bring it. Go. Be. Move fast. Sweat it all out.

Random recipe: Slow Cooker Chicken Tortilla Soup

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I am a fan of tortilla soup. After seeing the movie, Tortilla Soup, I became quickly interested in trying tortilla soup. Can you believe I had never had it before watching that movie? Now I am addicted. It has been a while since we have made some at home. For a long time we made it religiously. Recently I found a crock pot version and thought it might be even easier than the version we made in the past.

Slow Cooker Chicken Tortilla Soup (Cooking Classy)

2 1/2 (14.5 oz) cans low-sodium chicken broth (4 1/2 cups)
1 (14.5 oz) can petite diced tomatoes
3/4 cup finely chopped yellow onion
4 cloves garlic, pressed through a garlic crusher
2 1/2 tsp chili powder
1 1/2 tsp ground cumin
3/4 tsp paprika
1/2 tsp ground coriander
salt and freshly ground pepper, to taste
1 1/2 lbs boneless skinless chicken breasts
1 (14.5 oz) can black beans, drained and rinsed
1 1/2 cups frozen corn
1 Tbsp fresh lime juice
1/4 cup chopped fresh cilantro

For serving:
tortilla strips or tortilla chips
shredded cheddar or monterey jack cheese
diced avocado, diced roma tomatoes, sour cream (optional)

Directions:

Pour chicken broth and diced tomatoes into a slow cooker. Add onion, garlic, chili powder, cumin, paprika, coriander and season with salt and pepper to taste. Add chicken breasts then cover with lid and cook on LOW heat 6 hours, or until chicken is cooked through.

Remove chicken and shred, then return to slow cooker along with black beans, corn, cilantro and lime juice, stir. Allow to cook until heated through.

Serve warm with tortilla strips and cheese and other optional ingredients.

Note: We did not have raw chicken breasts, we had Trader Joes pre-cooked chicken breasts. Near the end of cooking we shredded them up and mixed in. You could probably use rotisserie chicken in the same way.

I will just say that I had two full bowls. Between Chris and I, we ate the entire crock pot. Oops. Probably too much to have in one night, but it was oh so good.