Californication

I love a good oxymoron, a play on words, anything to get my brain to think and wonder. Rob Lowe’s newest book is called: “Love Life.” His title could really be more about his wife (the love of his life), about his love life, or what I think he really meant, which is to love the heck out of the life that is in front of us. In any case, Love Life is an interesting and thought-provoking memoir. I was a fan of his first autobiography, “Stories I Only Tell My Friends.” See, I like Rob Lowe. He plays interesting characters. From West Wing to Brothers and Sisters to Californication to Parks and Recreation, not to mention all the movies he has been in. Does Outsiders ring a bell? He does not play the same character again and again (as some actors tend to do), and I love that about him. When I happened across his first book, I thought it would be an annoying, pompous book from a famous Hollywood actor. It was nothing like that.

The writing is good, and while I do not know if he actually wrote it (who ever knows these days) it was still a compelling memoir of his life. He is very transparent about himself, his pros and cons, and you can tell in everything he says how much he loves his wife, two sons, and how important it is to him to be a dad. I loved this quote on the very first page:

“I think it was Alfred Hitchcock who said 90 percent of successful moviemaking is in the casting. The same is true in life. Who you are exposed to, who you choose to surround yourself with, is a unique variable in all of our experiences and it is hugely important in making us who we are. Seek out interesting characters, tough adversaries and strong mentors and your life can be rich, textured, highly entertaining and successful, like a Best Picture winner.” Page 1

It really makes you think about who you surround yourself with, and that while we do not always have a choice of who we interact with each day, we should focus on the situations we can control. Lowe never wanted to live a boring life, and neither should we! So get rid of the boring, the dull, and the uninspiring and bring on the adventure.

And, if you never take the leap and have more adventures, then you may never see success. Sometimes you have to have a few failures to find the gem. He discusses the different shows or movies he was involved in that did not make it off the ground, were cancelled, or just did not get the ratings.

“Maybe I’m in denial, but I don’t believe in ‘flops.’ You try something and it may not work. You try something and this time it might. You never know, and you have no choice other than to keep trying. The only time you flop is when you don’t learn something.” Page 148

Sort of like the Coldplay song, “Fix You” with a favorite line 0f mine: “If you never try you’ll never know.” I strongly believe that the tough times and disappointed moments turn into beautiful works of art. Sometimes we just have to have extreme patience as we go through the growing pains.

It is summer. Yesterday it was 99 degrees in Portland. A random day of heat. Even though it is the beginning of July, we are still catching up on our DVR from shows we recorded months ago. One of the shows we are a bit behind on is: Californication. A bit of a different spin to this season. They are trying to introduce new characters, and while I have not been much of a fan of this season, an idea was shared in an episode that has me pondering life.

“This is what defines you; how you deal with it.”

So often we think about the legacy we leave behind whether in our job, our family, our friendships, or community. Yet, maybe we are thinking about it all wrong. Maybe we care more about what others think about some impact we made. “I accomplished [insert project name] faster and better than anyone else.” In the grand scheme of things does it really matter? Would you rather be remembered for how you treated others, how you dealt with each obstacle, each challenge, and each triumph? Would it be better if someone said: “They rocked this project because of HOW they were faster, better, different, smarter.” It is more descriptive. It speaks more to the qualities that allow us to be leaders, drivers, and changers of the status quo.

How you react. How you handle situations. How you deal. It all matters, and often is what others remember about us most. Were you empathetic, passionate, reactive, passive aggressive? Did you listen to them? Did you follow through with what you said? Were you distracted? As with a recent blog post on listening, how you respond and handle yourself and the situation you are in is how you make others feel. That is what is remembered. That is what defines you.

How do you want to be defined? How do you want to be remembered?