My mother was a…

Posted by random olio

Giver. She gave, and gave, and gave. I suppose that is why it is in my nature to help others, to problem solve, be a listening ear, and support to those around me. I saw my mom give her time to her children, her mother, her husband, the kids she took care of, the children she taught in school, her church, and when there was time left over the few friends she had.

I often look back and wonder why my mom did not spend much time socializing with friends or neighbors and I realize now that she did not have the time. Often she worked two jobs, helped us with our homework, made dinner for the family, at times packed our lunches, planned the grocery list and meals for the week, cleaned the house (separate from the jobs that were our chores), and took care of all those people in the above list. I often wonder how she did it all, and yet I am in some ways living her life, minus the kids and two jobs. Yet, how many of us work the hours of two jobs? Life will definitely change for me when little bambinos enter our home. Focus will change, priorities will change, life will change. Yet, will I do less?

Whatever happened in the world that made us (women especially) think that we had to do it all? Is there a time when the cord that keeps us going begins to fade — sort of like your laptop battery that eventually no longer holds the charge? Or are women of the “rechargeable” battery variety that after enough recharge we can continue like the Energizer bunny? Is there ever a breaking point? I love it and I hate it. I love the energy, the problems to solve, and that no day is ever the same, but is there ever a reset button? If you walk away for a day or a week, it becomes almost impossible to catch up on emails, voicemails, and pieces of projects that need to be adjusted. Do we do too much? Do we give too much?

My mom was a giver and she died at the age of 50. Was it her lifestyle, or just the journey of her role in the universe? I will never know if she loved or hated the roller coaster she was on. She did it all for everyone else, I can only imagine and hope that she was invigorated by those she helped, all she did, and that her life never had a dull moment — there was not time for that!

Are you a giver?

Do Nothing When…

Posted by random olio

You know when you take a vacation day and you decide to go ahead and check your email, and then regret it for the rest of the day? You agonize over the annoying email you received. You get frustrated. You cannot stop thinking about it.

I found this amazing article last week called: “5 Ways to Do Nothing and Become More Productive” that I keep going back to as a reminder. Why is it so good? It is a reminder to do nothing. I know that may sound lazy, or maybe zen like. Actually what I took away from the article was not about productivity, and more about taking a stand for yourself, which may lead to do doing nothing. I might have titled it: “5 Ways to Do Nothing and Be Your Best You.” I am not going to go over all the points in the article, just the few:

“Doing nothing when you’re angry.” It is always best to take a walk and let some steam off instead of reacting and responding when you are pissed off. Taking that breather makes you a better person, but not really more productive.

“Do nothing when you’re anxious.” This is an interesting one. The author shares an example of someone telling you they need to talk to you about something, and oh yes it is Friday at 5 pm so you have to wait. I do not really think that your frustration to them telling you on your way out the door is anxiety, it just feels wrong. Not that I am perfect, but it does mean the other person could potentially think about it all weekend and wonder how the conversation will go. I would change this one to read: ‘Do nothing when you’re left in the dark.’ Just wait until you have all the information, then get angry, frustrated, or maybe it is good news. If so, then get happy.

“Do nothing when you want to be liked.” This one is a big one. We all do it. We do it for our spouses, family, friends, coworkers, bosses. What if we did what we wanted, or we did the right thing, but not because we will let our mom, friend, or boss down, or make them happy? What if we truly did not care what others thought, we listened to our gut, and responded in that way?

I loved the premise of the article, and I am inspired. This week I will be thinking about doing nothing when I am angry (well taking a breather), doing nothing when I am left in the dark, and letting go of being liked. Take a moment to read the article and see when you will do nothing…

Tell it like it is…

Posted by random olio

I often think I do not do the best job of telling people in my life how important they are to me. We just had probably one of the most normal holidays of all holidays, Thanksgiving. While you might have stuffed your face with cornbread stuffing and other Turkey Day favorites, what did you do to tell someone else how important they are to you?

I did to one person, but I can sometimes be shy to tell others. I am never hold back to tell Chris what I am thinking, and Thanksgiving Day is no different. I adore him, and am ever so grateful that he is in my life. Yet, why is it that sometimes I let time go by without telling other family members and certain friends how I feel?

I recently read a few posts from someone I used to work with and am connected to on Facebook who had a childhood friend pass on from cancer. She did not know her friend had cancer. She was shocked and upset. You could read the pain through her posts. It got me thinking. How often do we tell those in our life, no matter how close they are to us, how important they are to us? If you have not recently, what is holding you back?

I am going to try to reach out to friends and family in the coming weeks and tell them how I feel and that they are important to me. Holidays can be full of fun and happiness for some, and challenging and depressing for others. December is a great month to reach out and connect with others. You never know what another individual might need until you reach out and express your appreciation and love to them. Here I go, will you join me?!

I hope you had a wonderful holiday, enjoyed time with friends and family, and are ready to get back to work. A happy week to you!

Does Silence Mean Disagreement?

Posted by random olio

For a while, I have wondered, if silence sometimes means disagreement. You are out with friends, or involved in a long work meeting. A friend at the table, or a colleague in your work meeting is quiet most of the time. Are they bored? Do they think most of the conversation is small talk? Why are they not talking? I read an article recently (I wish I remembered where is was) about silence = disagreement. The idea has not left my head. Instead, it has been silently percolating in my thoughts over the past few weeks. It has meant that I have watched interactions with others and when I find someone not speak up, I wonder if they disagree, but have decided to not speak up.

What do you do in those situations? I find that for the most part, I am usually completely transparent and share just what is on my mind. I sometimes wonder if I should keep my mouth shut more. Maybe silence is not always so bad? Does it truly mean that you disagree, or does it mean you maybe just do not care? Or does it mean you do not feel comfortable enough to share their thoughts and opinion?

What do you think? If you are silent in certain situations, why are you silent? Do you always feel comfortable, or is silence a sign of your discomfort? Leave a comment and let me know what you think!