Trust me

Posted by random olio

Why should I trust you? Should we trust people immediately when we meet them, or should they have to earn our trust? Most of the time I give people the benefit of the doubt that they can be trusted, but if they do something that crosses that line that makes them not trustworthy, they will have to work hard to earn my trust back.

Trust is a crucial topic in my life. It is the cornerstone of my marriage, imperative in my friendships, and integral in my daily work life. My approach consists of giving others the space and opportunity to show me who they are, and if they follow through with what they have committed to me, it allows me to continue to be open and transparent with them. If the space and openness I have provided is tarnished by dishonesty, or missed commitments, the relationship becomes more closed. I no longer want to open up or share of myself with them.

Is it so hard, or so much to ask to be honest, and do what you say you will do? In my marriage, that means that we are completely transparent with each other. We say the tough stuff, are blunt with each other, and hold each other accountable to the commitments we have agreed to with each other. It is not always easy, and can sometimes be work, but it is always worth it in the long run.

At work, I know that everyone does things in their own way, and there are numerous ways to handle tasks and projects. I am not worried about how someone goes about a project so much as that they are honest, do it well, and follow through on the commitments they made. Good work, honesty, and follow through to me are the foundation of trust in good working relationships. Once I know that my colleagues meet those standards, then trust comes easy to me. Trust among my co-workers has led to some amazing connections and friendships along the way.

Maybe this blog makes me sound like a bitch, but I have very high standards. Trust is the glue in relationships. With trust, relationships are open and transparent. Without it, intimacy is closed.

Change the way you look at things

Posted by random olio

It hit me hard and felt like a colonic. Yes, that is what I said. It felt like a colonic. I have had one, I know what I am talking about. All the foggy thinking, gunk, and stirring thoughts and emotions were sucked out of my thought. A dilemma I have been agonizing over for the past few weeks, came clearly to me. I needed to shift my thought. I needed to change how I looked at this situation. It all happened after I came across this quote last week:

“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at will change.”

After a little Google sleuthing, I think it is a quote from Wayne Dyer. I am not sure if he means that by looking at a situation differently, we will see it differently. Or, if he means that by looking at a situation differently, the actual situation (or people involved will actually change). Maybe both would/could happen. Either way, it was an eye-opening moment for me. It has made me think about my little dilemma differently. How I approach it, how I think about it, and how I react to it. Hopefully, that means that it will resolve itself in a way that is better than I can even imagine.

Are there things in your life that could benefit from looking at them differently? Things within your marriage/relationship or with your family or friends? Is a work situation that you think is beyond repairable worth looking at differently and a slight shift gives you the answer(s) you need to realign, change course, and take a project to the next level? Just as I was hit hard, take some moments today, not to get an actual colonic, but to have a colonic of your thoughts. Clear out the gunk, change the way you look at things, and just maybe things will change.

The special person I get to annoy

Posted by random olio

“It’s great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” -Rita Rudner

Oh have I found that one person. Today is my tenth wedding anniversary, and boy have I had the time of my life. For those of you that might have read my blog for the past year and a half, you would not be shocked to hear me ooh and ah about my husband. I have often written about how I am addicted to him, and how our marriage works, but today I can hardly believe that ten years ago we stood on a beach in Hawaii, barefoot in the sand at sunset, just the two of us, starting our life together.

Of course Chris is my special person that I enjoy annoying. Mostly through the times when I (or we) are being silly. I love to get under his skin, as long as it means that at the end of the playful moment I have him laughing or happily rolling his eyes. Without laughter, what is the point?

Christopher, I look forward to the next ten years where we laugh, play, and grow together. You are my favorite person, and the one I love waking up next to each morning, and the one I hope I fall asleep before at night. You are the one I love texting in the middle of the day to find out how your day is going. I love that you laugh at my often made up words, and somehow you still understand me. We push each other to look at life differently each day, and I am honored that I get to spend my life with you.

Here is to another ten years that I get to annoy you. Happy Anniversary!

I hope she is proud.

Posted by random olio

Another year has gone by and Sunday is, yet again, another Mother’s Day. I am still not yet a mother myself. Each year, I have a bit of nostalgia and a bit of numbness for a day that comes each year. It has been 19 years since I have celebrated Mother’s Day with my mom. It is hard to believe that it has been almost two decades. How is that even possible? I struggle with the concept that I have spent more of my life without my mom then I ever spent with her in my life.

my mama

Has it made me independent? Hell yeah. Has it made me miss her? Hell yeah. I have often been asked by others: “What is the hardest part about losing a loved one?” Many think it is the days and weeks surrounding their passing. Yes, that part is hard. What is harder? The months later. For a child, it might be a future “bring mom to school” day. For a teenager, it might be going to prom and wishing their mom was there to see them off, or wishing their loved one was there to watch them receive their diploma. Whatever the situation, it can be incredibly hard months and often years later when the depths of pain and sadness rip you apart in ways you never expected.

I can tell you this from experience. The day before my wedding, Chris and I made the decision to get married — just the two of us on a beach in Hawaii. It felt so right for us to start this stage of our life together, just us saying our vows together. No fluff, no commitments to others, just two lives joining together. That day, before we got married, I got sad. I had no idea I would miss my mom so much. Just thinking about it almost ten years later I have tears streaming down my face. I wanted her to be able to watch me with pride join my life with Chris, and yet I had no idea her absence would be so hard for me until that moment when I was preparing for my special day.

Chris might have thought my oddness that day meant I was afraid of getting married and that I might back out of our wedding. Yet, I was not afraid of marrying Chris, I was just sad. I had no idea the absence of my mom would hit me so hard on such a happy time in my life. I do not remember if I missed my dad that day, only that my mom should have been there and watched me marry this wonderful man.

Happy Mother’s Day, mom. I hope you can see all that I have become in life and all that I have. I am a grateful daughter with so much to be thankful for every day. Life has not always been easy, but I have learned so much along the way. It has made me speak up, say what is on my mind (whether Chris likes it or not) and I think you would be proud.

Plan for a day, or plan for a life?

Posted by random olio

Why do we spend so many months and years planning for a day, when really we should be planning for our life? I have written a few blog posts that discuss marriages and weddings. I was shocked after reading this Fast Company article, specifically this quote:

“As the wedding industrial complex has ballooned to unprecedented sizes–wedding costs exceeds the median income in the U.S.”

Are people crazy? Who is spending over the median income to pay for a wedding, and how many years is it taking them to pay off their wedding bills? Are we trying to turn a wedding into this perfect day for ourselves, or all the guests that experience the day with us? Is it more about competing with the Jones’ that make this industry continue to balloon? Whatever happened to going to a church, or a park, or the beach, with some friends and family, saying your vows, and eating some food? Does spending as much as a good portion of a house make the marriage start off in a better way?

A wedding can be beautiful, it can be done in an elegant, classy, and inexpensive way. There are infinite ways to bring two lives and two families together without having to spend so much money. I get concerned that many of these weddings are either sending the parents who might be paying into an extreme amount of debt, effecting their future retirement, or that the couples themselves are going into major debt. Why start a marriage on an unstable financial foundation? Yes, maybe I am completely wrong and most weddings have been saved and paid for, but if wedding payment is anything like how our society lives on a regular basis, than most go on credit cards, only to incur a hefty APR and payments for many, many years to come.

Instead, how about starting a marriage on stable ground? Have the wedding you can afford, pay for it immediately, and continue to live your life accordingly. So I will say again: Why do we spend so many months and years planning for a day, when really we should be planning for our life?