no filter

Suppressing feelings

Posted by

0

Say what is on your mind. Say it directly. Say exactly what you mean. Do not hold back. What do you lose by saying exactly what you are thinking? Will others judge you? Maybe. Will they laugh at you? Possibly. Does it matter? No. If you want to be completely and utterly yourself, then you have to be you and part of that means saying what is on your mind.

I am direct. I have an opinion and it can come out strongly. Does that mean that I do not want to hear what others have to say? Not in the least. I encourage a healthy debate. Your opinion may sway me. I may learn something new that just may bring an aha moment for me that will create a speedy excitement of new ways of doing things. You never know.

I see it all the time. Individuals that suppress their feelings. They are afraid to say what is really on their mind. When that happens it means they are not really being true to themselves. They are hiding behind what they think others want them to say, do, feel. Why do we do that? Why is it so hard to be unequivocally ourselves? Why do we sometimes sensor ourselves? Or not share what we are really feeling? I constantly go back to ideas that resonated with me from Brene Brown’s book: “Daring Greatly” such as:

“Give me the courage to show up and let myself be seen.” Page 42

Is that what we are doing when we say what is on our mind? When we have no filter, and do not suppress our thoughts?

I dare you. Do it. Say what is on your mind.

Badass self, no apologies

Posted by

3

I love when people are wholeheartedly themselves. They say what is on their mind, and sometimes do not have a filter. I very much say what is on my mind, and while I do know when to have a filter in most situations, I am still blunt and say what I think. Last September I wrote a blog about being “Unapologetically herself.” It is my modus operandi. Why should we be anything other than who we are? Why should we hide our true selves?

Last week I wrote about the book: “Mile Markers.” After traveling and a full week, I can tell you I am now two-thirds done with this book, and have a zillion dog-eared pages. An idea jumped off the page at me when I was reading last night. It is from writer-comedian Katie Goodman that the author has framed on her desk:

“There will invariably be people who do not accept you. And in that case you must be your own badass self, without apology.”

I think I want to steal the idea and add it to the other thoughts and inspirations that sit above my desk. I am less worried about whether individuals will accept me and more interested in making sure I am being me. Life is short, YOLO (you only live once), so why should we not live each day as our badass selves? How and when did we start to apologize for ourselves? I try to think back to when I started apologizing for myself, and it is a blur. My dad raised us that children should be seen and not heard. Why, oh why dad was that important to you? It makes me want to bring together all my friends that have just had babies and say, please, oh please raise your children each day knowing their worth, and encourage them to live their lives to the fullest as their individual badass self.

Forget the nay sayers, the poo poo-ers, and those that discourage you in life. Let go of those that shut or knock you down, belittle you, or potentially throw you under the bus (as the saying goes). Lead your own life, if you do you will be strong and unflappable. I am not going to apologize for glorious me, and you should not either.

No apologies.

“I have been taught to filter.”

Posted by

0

My father always said that children were to be seen and not heard. I think of it often when I have a hard time finding my words. I think of it when I am angry and pissed and I struggle to keep my emotions in check, because when I am mad it is harder to use my words. I was not taught to use them. Since I knew to keep my mouth shut, I learned how to filter. If I ever made a bad choice, and got into trouble, then the potential punishment was in the form of his wooden fraternity paddle. That thing scared me. As did my dad’s disappointment.

I began to read voraciously when I was very young, and I started writing and illustrating my own stories too. Sometimes I wrote to get out of my world. Now I write to make sense of my world, to put the puzzle pieces together and try to understand it all. The thoughts and opinions I have of myself and how I perceive each situation. Did I handle it well? Did I react confidently and with poise? Or, did I go overboard and lose my cool? I remember a few classmates in college that impressed me with their writing ability. I can remember someone in particular that was able to put pen to paper about womanhood in the rawest of forms, and I never felt I could write like that.

So when I saw “Shrinking Women” it reminded me of my days studying Sociology, Women’s Studies, and Women’s Writing in college. While I was intensely into my studies, and at times felt like a hard-core feminist, I could never write poetry. I actually even had a hard time following poetry in general. Unless it was short and sweet, I was usually not interested. Lily Meyers, who wrote, “Shrinking Women” kept me listening. Maybe it is because I relate to her story. She won Best Love Poem at the 2013 College Unions Poetry Slam Invitational last April, and is a 2015 future graduate of Wesleyan University (Middletown, CT).

Here are a few lines that stood out to me:

“My brother never thinks before he speaks. I have been taught to filter…You have been taught to grow out. I have been taught to grow in…I learned to absorb…That’s why women in my family have been shrinking for decades…How much space she deserves to occupy…I asked five questions in genetics class today and all of them started with the word: sorry.”

Lily will make you think about how women view their body and their space, and how your actions might make your sister, friend, daughter, or niece view their body and space. It gets good at around 1:25 minutes. Maybe her passion, youth, and talent will make other women get rid of their filters. Enjoy.